


Shadows of the mind

by Chaotic_Phantasm



Series: Shadows of the Mind [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Modern AU, Photography, Post High School, Romance, Unfortuantly not a college AU, dance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-05 11:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 52,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1816420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotic_Phantasm/pseuds/Chaotic_Phantasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU where Jean Kirstein is 18, going on 19. Fresh out of high school. Working full time at a video store not really following his ambitions. Or more so just not motivated to. Suffering immensely from depression and anxiety, the shadows of the mind. Spending most of his days regretting every decision he has ever made and loathing his very existence. How do you deal with that? I'll tell you how. Enter 19 year old Marco Bott. Dancer at a well known academy, entering his second year. The kindest sweetest and young gentleman that Jean has ever met.  Things start to look up for Jean. And as the saying goes, life gets better. But then again, as some people handle situations, some situations handle people.<br/>Shadows of the mind is about the struggle of living with depression/anxiety and how much of an effect it can have on a person's life and to see if teenage romance can overcome the crushing pressure of one's mind, whether it can be a light to banish the darkness.And I want to make this clear, depression is not romantic in any way and it is not my intention to romanticize depression/anxiety in any way. if I have gone about it the wrong way please let me know. Gods bless. Told from Jean's P.O.V</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue - Anchors

**Author's Note:**

> Just a trigger warning, this is going to include depression and anxiety, obviously so if this is a touchy subject for some I do apologize and would like to warn you to take heed reading. Also I have researched depression/anxiety and tried to represent said mental conditions as accurately as I can. Hopefully I have done it right, also will possibly include notes/thoughts of suicide. Please, please, please, if this is a bad subject for anyone, move onto another story/fic/whatever. Also, as the rating probably tells you, contains strong/adult language. This is rated teen and UP. Contains strong language, homophobic slurs and family issues. If this is okay then strap yourself in for the ride. Hope I did this well.

Prologue - Anchors

 

Do you know what depression is like? Well, I sure as hell do. But let me explain it for you as best I can. Imagine doing what you love. Skating, playing sport, painting whatever. Got that in mind? Good. Now imagine if something took that away from you. You lost your skateboard/ice skates, you broke your leg, your painting supplies were destroyed in a freak art accident or something. No. not enough. Imagine losing all your passion for that overnight. You were not even able to look at your skateboard or skates. You were not able to pick up a football and kick around for shits and giggles. You were not able to conjure up any inspiration to paint. You just suddenly lost all interest in doing your favorite thing, you had no motivation what so ever. Getting out of bed was a tedious chore. Well, it's that way for most teenagers but that's beside the point. No. That's still not enough. Imagine being stranded on dingy little boat. With several anchors holding you in place in the middle of nowhere. Let's say, the pacific ocean.

 

Got it? Rusted, rotting boat, in the middle of the ocean. Held in place by anchors that go down all the way to the bottom. And you're tied up in chains on the boat. And it's raining. An absolute shit storm, so to speak. Lightning cracking, thunder roaring, wind howling. And all you can do is lie there, stare at the sky and wait for the storm to pass. Sounds pretty fucking terrible right? But that's not all. Because a common symptom with depression is usually that anxiety comes along for the joyride. So. Imagine all that and then trying to ask for help. But you don't want to in convene anyone. Imagine looking over the edge of the boat and seeing that the water was black and endless. Imagine if the boat had a hole in it and water started to creep into the boat, you tried to scoop it out but you were too afraid to touch the water because you thought it might burn you like acid.

 

Got all that in mind? Good. Actually, let's have a change of scenery for anxiety. Okay clear your mind. Now. You're walking around your favorite place, let's say Time's Square in New York. You had a night out with some mates, everyone is happy, the lights are blinding with advertisements for blockbuster movies that you want to see. Sounds great right? Now. Darkness. Instantly. Everything shuts down, no lights, no cars, no friends. Absolute silence. It's like you suddenly lost all your senses. Lights on. Your senses are back. But, the screens are black, not a car in sight, once flashing lights now lay still in an angry red, bathing the square in a blood light. No friends around you. No one in sight. Absolute silence. You want to scream out but something closes your throat. It's fear. Fear that something unknown might hear you. Like a monster that is lurking in the shadows will jump at you if you make the tiniest noise, fear that if you turn around you'll see the one you love holding a gun to your head, their face cold as the darkness that surrounded you moments ago.

 

Fear that if you take a step, you'll fall off a cliff that is disguised as the curb. Go back to the anchors mentioned before on the boat. Except instead of depression. It’s fear that holds you in its grasp. You make the decision to turn around. There is no monster or lover holding a gun. No there is nothing but the empty square. You start spinning as fast as your mind. You start to wonder. Where is everyone? What happened? Where am I? Am I alive? Is this hell?  
You feel sick, like you might throw up. You look up, there are no stars, no moon. Just the blanket of night that shrouds the sky. You fall to your knees, it's hard to breathe, you start gasping for air like you're drowning. Panic fills your lungs, your heart races to pump blood to muscles that refuse to move. You break into a cold sweat, you start dripping like it's raining and you're soaked. You want to scream out for help but the ground opens up and you fall into total darkness, you're thrown back and forth as if gravity is playing ping pong with your body and you can do nothing but get throttled through the darkness.

 

Stop.

 

Deep breathes.

 

You feeling okay? 

 

That's all of that for now so relax. Well. How do you feel? That is what is like for me, Jean, most of the time. Pretty fucked up huh? That's probably the best I can describe it right now. Now you know what it’s like I suppose you'll be able to understand the story better. I hope so anyway. If not, well, good luck anyway. Must be hard dealing with that. Well It was, now however, I rarely get that anymore. But I am not gonna spoil it. You probably have a relatively good idea of what happens right? Of course you do, you have probably read lots of these things before eventually landing on this one. And of course I won't be spoiling anything so you'll just have to wait and find out what happens and how it happens. After all. That's why your reading this right now right? Because you want to know. Well I shall sate that appetite for knowledge of my life momentarily. But first, I'll have to start at the begging. Not too far back but back when He happened. Actually a little before that. It just wouldn't be fun if I started there. So without further delay. Let's get started.


	2. Weighed down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we first see Jean and how his life began at work and how he interacts with his family. Let's set the stage. Jean finished high school last year and moved into working full time at a local video store. His father doesn't approve but that's usually how these things go. And his family is a bit loco or whatever. More so his father, as far as clichés go. Idfk, let's get started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be wary, thoughts of suicide, depression, family issues, homophobic slurs and adult language. Thank you for reading and enjoy.
> 
> Are you at all haunted by memories past?
> 
> Are you ready to make this one breath your last?
> 
> Is your chest so heavy you’re ready to leave?
> 
> Or are you just hoping that someone will grieve?
> 
> (Chasing ghosts - Amity Affliction)

The video store was quiet, I remember although I suppose it would be on a Sunday night at 6:58pm. It was Sunday so obviously we weren't open that late. The shelves lined with movies that ranged from awesome and recently released to the dark corners of cinematography that everyone wanted to forget. Obviously I won't name them because you know, the forgetting thing. At the checkout the front shelves were lined with weird American candy that the manager recently brought in to try and make a profit off. It was going alright but could have been better. I didn't like any of it. But the recently released blockbusters usually sold out in a few days of being put on the shelf.

 

 Granted they were all one night hires so they were back as soon as the next day. And if not. Oh boy did you get one hell of a shit storm from the manager. He was a tall man, bald, hard eyes, goatee. He was pretty much a drill sergeant when it came to work. But on the inside he was actually quite chill. And he could assess people at a single glance and know almost everything about their character. Amazing talent really.

 

Anyway, it was almost time for close and I had pretty much finished organizing the measly excuse for an anime section. I mean seriously it was barely one shelf and the selection wasn't that good. It had volume 3,7 and 18 of bleach. One copy of Howl's moving castle that barely got rented and not even any full metal alchemist. I mean c'mon. That anime is incredible. Back on track, my co-worker Reiner, giant of a man, was busy at the other end of the store cleaning the shelves. I always wondered what he did in his spare time. Go to the gym probably. You didn’t get those muscles shuffling discs around. Maybe if you had a really fast metabolism or something.

 

He was nice enough though. Not the sort of guy you would pin as sensitive, sweet and  who loved working and pleasing other people. At least not with those muscles. I don't know, stereotypes are weird. Enough about the muscles already.

 

The manager came out of the office with his bags packed for the night. He had a deep voice.

 

"Alright boys. Closing time. Get ya shit and get out." He said sarcastically.

 

Reiner stood up from squatting at the end.

 

"About time. Man these shelves get so dirty and they don't even do anything."

 

I had to chuckle at that one.

 

"Well maybe if you cleaned em right they wouldn't get so dirty Reiner."

 

Shots fired. Reiner just laughed and shook his head.

 

"Love you too boss."

 

Honestly this place was pretty fun to work at. I mean, the staff are pretty cool and I get a discount on movies and the boss even gave me one for free once. It never happened again of course. Well, yet. But I kept my hopes high. As high as they would go of course, 'cuz you know. The depression and anxiety. Right now I was feeling pretty good though. Easy day at work.

"Jean, you’re on with Hanji tomorrow from 4 till 10 got that?"

 

Man would that be a fun shift. Six hours with crazy fuckin' Hanji. It's alright, she was crazy in a good way, really fun to hang with. Shit. What was I going to do all day tomorrow? Let's see. Maybe go out and do some photography. It was sort of a hobby of mine, taking random photos, editing them to look 'artsy'. Ah well. Worth a shot. Hopefully I would be feeling okay. So far, so alright.

 

"Yea, I got it." I replied. Reiner chimed in;

 

"Good luck buddy, you'll need it. Hope she doesn't start about the whole conspiracy theory that some people are really these giant beings that feed on people for fun. I don't know how many times I have heard that one."

 

"Yea, but she does make some great points." I said to him. His eyes just went wide as he shook his head again.

 

"Whatever man." He walked over to the counter and swapped the cleaning supplies for his keys.

 

"You need a lift?" I only lived about 10 minutes up the road so it wasn't that far out of Reiner's way. And it was close to his house as well. Although living 25 minutes away from work I see why he didn't offer every day. It was a nice gesture though.

 

"Nah it's cool man, I rode here tonight. Thanks anyway." I said with a smile.

 

"Alright then, let's go. Got your keys boss?"

 

"Yes I do, now let's go, the missus has dinner waiting and I don’t want to be late again or she'll whip me."

 

The manager moved towards the door.

 

"You have exactly 5 seconds to grab ya shit and get over here before I lock you in."

 

He grabbed the door. And slowly started to shut it. If there was one thing I had learned in my time working here it's that when it came down to closing time, he didn't joke around. I put the last of the disc cases on the pile to be finished tomorrow morning. Of course I wouldn't be doing that. I grabbed my bag and jumped over the counter. Slinging it over my shoulder as I landed.

 

"Hurry up Reiner or you'll be locked in. Again." I said to him with a smirk.

 

"That was one time!"I ran out the door and the boss started counting.

 

"5. 4." He started to close the door. Reiner panicked and made a mad dash around the side and slipped through.

 

"3. 2. Oh good, you made it." He shut the door and turned the keys with fluid precision, he had done it a thousand times already so it was as easy as a flick of the wrist. He turned to Reiner and I.

 

"Alright. Jean, see you tomorrow at 4pm. Reiner. Don't cut it so close next time." He said with a smile.

 

"That was one time! How many times do I have to say it?!" Reiner put his head in his hands.

 

The boss and I just laughed. A moment later and their engines started up and left the parking lot. It was quiet now. Since we were a video store we were the last one to close. Everyone else in the plaza left 2 hours ago. I walked round the back of the store where my bike was chained. I reached into my pocket and fished out the keys for the chain. Undid it, threw it in my bag and jumped on. I started the ride home. I always had the option to drive but I figure why bother when I am only ten minutes away, plus, I save money on fuel and get some exercise while I'm at it.

 

The ride back was peaceful. Not many cars on the road but it was still well illuminated by the street lights. Crossing the bride, the streetlights increased in number. Not sure why. Safer I guess. I breathed in the fresh air and it made me shiver. I made it back to my house okay and stowed the bike round the back. It was a fairly large house. It was longer than It was wider so from the front it looked huge. I mean, it had a pretty high ceiling. And it was shaped a little strange. And the hallway was a mile and a half long.  I shot up the driveway and followed it around the back. Leaning my bike against the garage I jogged down to the back door and into the laundry.

 

"I'm home." I called out. I ditched my shoes and whipped off my dirty socks throwing them in the laundry basket. Tonight seemed to be looking good. I was feeling alright and I could smell dinner at the table. Of course that would change later tonight. Family drama and depression do not go well together. Mum was just serving up dinner as I rounded the corner into the kitchen. She was a gentle woman. A little rounded but she recently hit the gym and it was starting to show. Her brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail that fell just past her shoulders.

 

"Hi sweetie. How was work?"

 

I sighed and hugged her. She seemed surprised by it but she hugged me back. I let go after a moment.

 

"Yea, it was alright. I was on with Reiner tonight so it was pretty good." I forced a half ass smile. Don't get me wrong, working with Reiner was great. It’s just now I was home. Shit would go down. It always did. My mum looked slightly worried and she cocked her head to the side.

 

"You feeling okay? You seem a bit down."

 

Oh yea. Did I forget to mention that I didn't tell anyone I had depression and anxiety? If there was something I was good at, it was wearing a mask and putting on the façade that everything was absolutely fine. Call it a talent. I call it training.

 

"Yea. Just tired. It’s been a long day." At least that part was true. I had been working since 10am. Ah well. Good pay and I had all day tomorrow to sleep. Worth it.

"Okay. Because if you feel a little weird you let me know okay?" She raised her eyebrows.

 

"Will do mum."

 

"Good. Now go sit down, I'll bring dinner over in a minute."

 

"Awesome."

 

Fish. And mash potatoes with some salad. Nice. I walked around into the dining room. My dad was already there. He looked at me and nodded his head. My dad and I weren't on good terms. I mean, we were still family and nothing was going to change that and we still hold all the family love and whatnot. I mean, c'mon, he raised me with my mum so yea. But because he was really busy with work he felt like he needed to take it out on mum and I. I don't know why he didn’t just hit the gym like Reiner and work out all his stress there. Whatever. He was a middle aged man.

 

 Thinning hair, also a bit rounded but not to the point where he was classed as fat or overweight. He had a fair amount of muscle mass to compliment his body type however. So he appeared larger than he was. I sat down in my chair next to him.

 

 _"Just dinner Jean. You haven’t seen him since this morning so just act like everything is normal. Same routine as every night."_ I told myself.

 

I sat down next to him and I swear I could feel the edginess just radiating from him. If I said one wrong thing he would blow up like a nuclear bomb. Oh right. Bit of back story. My dad offered me a job at his place as soon as I got out of school. I mean, I didn’t have a choice. It was work with him or be scolded for being lazy when I was actively scouring for an actual job I wanted to do. Anyway, I decided it wasn't for me and he decided it was. We had our differences, put up walls and when I moved onto working at the video store there were like, three walls set up with me at the center and dad on the outside.

 

 Of course the three walls being, one, me not wanting to work for him, two, having our differences and three. Well. Him being homophobic. I hadn't told my parents yet and I only came out a few weeks ago to my workmates and they all took it well. Mum was mixed on the subject and dad. Well. Let's just say he made it explicitly clear that he didn't like and I quote _"Those fuckin queers that are the mutant scum of the earth."_

 

Obviously, you didn't need to ask him what he thought of the X-men.

 

"Hey Dad." I forced a smile. He just glanced at me and grunted a hello. So far so good Jean, keep it up.

 

"How was work?"

 

 _"You fucking idiot."_ I thought to myself. He turned towards me with his arms folded.

 

"Fucking shit. What do you think? Why don't you just work for me? Make things so much easier."

 

Mum served up dinner and I immediately started digging into it to distract myself. I would eat it and talk with him. Avoiding eye contact.

 

"Because I have a job already dad." I said flatly. He raised an eyebrow.

 

"Oh really? Working at a video store huh? What do you do except stand around and take people's money?"

 

 _"He wants a fight I'll give him one."_ I thought.

 

"I do a lot of things dad. I clean the shelves, organize stock, bring in new stock, talk with customers, give reviews, help people find things and recommend specific movies or T.V shows on what they tell me about themselves, vacuum the floors, wash windows, take out trash and other maintenance work. And sometimes we get regulars to the store so it helps develop social skills and I get to hear about what our customers have been up to so they will come back. You know how you learn someone's name first and then build a relationship with them? You should, it's how business works. Plus I get a discount on new movies so I have to pay significantly less for new release in the box office community. And that's just the beginning."

 

I finished the last bite of food and turned towards him. Man that was quick.

 

"Does that answer your question dad?"

 

He dropped his eyebrows and stared at me. Face as blank and cold as s stone that had been smoothed in a river. I think I win.

 

He looked me dead in the eye.

 

"Don't ever back talk me again or I'll whip you good, you little shit."

 

"That's how a conversation works dad. One person says something, the other responds and they keep going." I didn’t mean to sound like a sarcastic douche. It just happened.

 

He didn't break his gaze. I didn't either. This was a stare off, first to break the gaze lost, everything I said would mean shit if I submitted like this. After a moment of silence my mum spoke up;

 

"David, you should eat, your food Is getting cold." Her voice sounded hoarse. Dad held it for a moment longer before turning away, looking disgusted.

 

"Yea, whatever." Victory.

 

I got up and put my plate in the sink.

 

"Thanks for dinner mum. Talk to you later dad."

 

"That's okay honey. What time will you be back tomorrow?"

 

"About 10:15pm. Don't make anything for me I'll grab food while I'm out."

 

"Okay, sweetheart."

 

Mum busting out the incentives. She must be worried. Dad didn't even look up at me. He just ate slowly.

 

I really had won that one.

 

I walked down to the end of the hallway and into my room. My shoes echoing on the wooden floor. I opened the door and then closed it behind me. My room was pretty big It was sort of like a college dorm room but only with one bed. And a bit more floor space because of that. The walls had a few photos I took and some anime wallpaper, pun not intended, it was listed as those of Google images so meh. T.V in the corner hooked up to an Xbox and a few games scattered about the floor around it.

 

 Bed was against the opposite wall turned sideways to save room. Another pun not intended. Bookshelf was built into the wall above the bed and lined with my favorite books and some games that weren't on the floor. A digital clock was on the end, closest to the pillow.

 

Underneath my bed was a chest of draws, easier than a wardrobe in my opinion. I could always hang stuff from the curtains if need be. There were glass doors with windows either side to the left of the T.V and they led out to a small, railed deck. It looked out over the front yard and I could barely make out the plaza in the distance. The streetlights on the bridge just barely floating above the trees that surrounded my neighborhood. It was artistic to say the least. I opened the windows letting in the night air.

 

I slipped off my work clothes and whipped off my shoes, jumping into boxers and straight into bed. I pulled out my laptop and went online. Plugging in my headphones. I was going to YouTube some music I didn't have on my Mp3 yet. And Tumblr. Of course Tumblr. I loved the pictures some people posted. And the night bloggers would start up soon so that would fun.

 

I fell asleep listening to Made of Stone by Evanescence. Favorite band. I wondered what would happen tomorrow.

 

___________________________________________

 

I awoke to birds chirping, sun shining right in my fucking eyes and an all too familiar weight on my chest. Not a physical one of course. But it was there. The anchors, the chains, the whole shebang. On the bright side, the sun was shining this time. Not that it mattered of course, I still felt the same regardless of the weather on the outside. That wasn't meant to sound funny. But shit happens I guess. Fuck I hated myself right now. I know this isn't as great a description as the one I gave before but it's just the bonus.

 

 What's a good way to put it? You know when you just get into one of those fuck everyone and everything and you don't want to do anything sorta moods? It was like that but a lot worse. You just spend the time wishing you were dead so you wouldn’t have to be a burden to everyone. Just end it all. You're not able to face another day or take another step. You just, well, can't.

 

You know, cancer in your blood, water in your lungs, fire in your skin. Those sorta songs you could really relate to. But all the screamo and sad songs in the world didn't even come close to describing this. You just didn't see any light in the world even if it was right in your eyes. Fuck, that was getting to me now. I rolled over and checked the clock on my shelf. The numbers flashed red.

 

_10:34am_

 

Shit. That was late even for me. Man I felt like I could sleep until noon. Or sleep forever. Fuck it, I had shit to do and as much as it killed me to do it I was not gonna lay in bed all day. But damn it sounded good. I got up and placed my feet on the ground, stretching and yawning, running a hand through my hair. I stared at the ground for a moment, thinking of nothing. Eventually I got up and dragged myself down the hall to the bathroom. Pushing the door open and stumbling in, raising my head to see my reflection. Needless to say I looked like fucking shit.

 

Hair was sticking up everywhere. Blast the bastard that messed up your hair when you slept, dark circles under my eyes, bloodshot, half my face slightly red from where I had been sleeping, stubble of a beard just barely showing. Fuck it, shave it now, save doing it later. I stripped out of my boxers and jumped in the shower. Grabbing the shaving cream and razor from the shelf as I adjusted the water temperature. My mind echoed with thoughts of last night.

 

_"Backtalk me like that again and I'll whip you good you little shit."_

Bastard. Some way to treat your only son. I found my mind drifting to the past. Images and voices flashed before me. High school, man that was a rollercoaster and a half. Being bullied from year 7-10. I know that seemed like a petty thing to think about now but I couldn't help it. Being called gay and faggot daily, they were right about that one. As much as I hated to admit it. Being pushed around, beaten down, not standing up for myself. I was a coward. I was weak. I did the stupidest thing anyone could do in that sort of situation. Nothing. My mind wandered to high school romance. The petty one month relationship, what was his name? Thomas. Thomas Wagner. Prick. I love you but only if you suck my dick. When I refused he dumped me three days later. We never spoke again.

 

Year 11 and 12 started looking up then came the stress of exams and let me tell you, anxiety made wicked love with that. And made babies out of panic attacks and the crushing fear that if you didn't do _just_ right, you'd end up repeating while your friends went off to college. Oh boy it was good with that one. Wielding it like a razor. Much like the one in my hand.

 

"I'm just a burden." I whispered to myself.

 

"No one even wants me here."

 

I froze and looked at the razor in my hand. The warm water running over my body, sticking my hair to my head. How easy it would be. A few simple precise movements and that was it. I would never bother anyone again. I would never have to deal with this anymore. I would never have to see this again. So simple. So easy. Part of me nearly screamed inside my head.

 

_"It's right there. Do it."_

I wouldn’t have to deal with my father again.

 

_"Do it."_

I wouldn't have to go to work anymore.

 

**_"Do it."_ **

****

My mind was racing now, one thought after another, like a chorus of voices all echoing the same thing. I wouldn’t have to breathe anymore, I could sleep forever, peaceful. Free. Wouldn't have to eat or sleep or worry anyone. They would get over me, my life isn’t worth living, no one wants me here. Not weighed down by anchors anymore.

 

**_"DO IT!"_ **

****

I shook my head, screamed and threw the razor across the bathroom. It hit the mirror with a solid

 

_"Chunk!"_

I sunk down into the corner of the shower and gasped for breath. I started to shake and it was hard to breathe, my throat closed up and I couldn’t move. I could do nothing but sit there and struggle. I heard footsteps pounding down the hallway. My mum's voice rang out as she pounded on the door.

 

"Jean!? Jean!? Are you okay?!"

 

I struggled for breathe.

 

_"Pull yourself together! You don’t want to make her worry do you!?"_

I took a few deep breathes and managed a gasped response. I choked back tears.

 

"I'm fine! I just slipped!"

 

"Are you okay?! You didn’t hurt yourself di-"

 

"I'm fine mum!"

 

Silence. Save for the running water. It was crushing. I wished she would just go. Don't worry. Don’t panic.

 

"Okay. If you say your okay I believe you."

 

"It's okay. I-. I'm okay, it’s all good.

 

"Alright sweetheart. Come and see me if you need anything. Okay?"

 

"O-Okay."

 

There was a pause before she walked away. Footsteps fading down the hallway. I sat there for God knows how long. I let the tears flow like the shower water. Cursing myself for being so stupid.

___________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Wow. Escalated quickly I know, yikes. I did the best I could to represent that whole thing correctly. Hope I did good and you enjoyed reading it and I will talk to you next chapter. really don't have a lot to say in terms of notes so i will just leave this here.
> 
> -Drew


	3. Chapter 2 - Fire in the skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean goes through a regular day filled with depression and anxiety, hating his very existence and bla bla bla. He decides to go out and just take photos till work. His day is filled with shit even when he hangs with his friend form school and even at work. That is until later that night where he walks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, chapter two, where what happens? You know what happens, it's the second chapter for goodness' sake. Honestly. Well let's get into it. No more delays. Seriously read it. No, really, stop reading this and start reading the chapter. You're still reading this aren't you? What did I just say? Read the damn chapter. Don't read this next bit.
> 
> You little rebel, I like you. But seriously here ya go, enjoy and more notes at the end.

I eventually pulled myself together and got out of the bathroom. It was only ten minutes after my mum left that I decided to get out. And then another 30 minutes before I actually finished styling my damn hair and shaved without the side consequence. So there was that to be happy about. I padded down to my room wrapped in a towel as I forgot to bring clothes with me. I threw on a simple white V-neck and blue jeans. No, that's not how you say my name. Seriously, most of high school was like

_"What do you wear outside of school? Jeans? Hahahaha!"_

Fuck you Annie. Fuck you and your enormous schnoz. I packed a bag with the essentials. Jumper in case it got fucking cold all of a sudden. Water bottle. Phone. Wallet. Camera, put in a separate pocket incase the water bottle exploded. (It had happened before). I was just about to head out when my phone buzzed. I took it out of my bag and hit the unlock button. It was a message from Berthold. Although he preferred Bertie. That was understandable, I mean I came from the same sorta situation. People never pronouncing my name right. But Bertie, he got me. Knew what it was like to be bullied. Not only because of his height but also because he was gay. We sort of came out around the same time but we agreed that we weren’t each other's type so we stayed friends.

He wanted to hang out. That was strange. It was Monday. And it was Bertie. If he wasn't at work he was probably painting. We had gone to school together and while I chose to study photography, he did art. Honestly, the kid had a natural talent for painting. We had actually worked together on a project once. Totally forgot what it was about though. I started typing back. Hanging out would probably be good for me, get my mind of things. Fuck it, I'd do what I always did. Put on a mask, bury the feelings and act like everything was fine.

_"Sure, what do you want to do?"_

He was one to reply instantly.

**_"I don't know. Go out?"_ **

Fucking dork. You don't ask someone to hang without a plan in mind. Smiling and shaking my head I typed a response.

_"You know when you ask someone out, you usually have to have a plan in mind bro."_

**_"I know but…. Shut up. Do you want to hang or not? ;p"_ **

_"Yea sure, how about that new age arty café you like so much? What was it called?"_

**_"Gnostic Mana."_ **

_"Yea that. Want to go there?"_

**_"Sounds good, meet you there, I'll grab us a table."_ **

_"See you in about 20 minutes."_

I locked my phone and threw it I my bag. Shit did I have money? Opening my wallet, $40 fell out. So that was a yes. I picked it up and slid back into my wallet, throwing it in my bag and slinging it on my shoulder. The café was a bit far for a cycle, unless you had an hour on your hands. I did not. Swiping my keys off the shelf I left my room and headed into the kitchen. Stomach growling and realizing I still hadn't had breakfast. Fuck it. That's what the café was for. I rounded the corner and saw mum in the office, sitting at her computer. She spun around and lowered her glasses.

"Oh. Morning Jean. Going somewhere?"

"Uh yea, out with Bertie. I'll be back this afternoon before work to get changed."

"Huh. So we won’t see much of you today again." She sounded disappointed. I followed with a slight laugh.

"Well yea, teenagers have to have a social life too mum."

"Hm, okay, have fun and say hi to Bertie for me. See you this afternoon. Do you have your keys? Got your phone? 'Cause I might be out and your father won’t be back till late. Are you wearing clean clothes? Those look dirty.

Typical mother. Asking if you had everything before you left and then commenting on your clothes. It's not like it was a bad thing, she just wanted to make sure she could reach me in an emergency, god forbid something happened.

"Yes, yes and yes can I go now?"

She sighed and spun around with a smile.

"I know, I'm a nag and a worry wart. Get out there and have fun. See you later."

"Yea, cya."

I walked out into the laundry and out the back door, up to the garage. The side door was open. I went through and clicked the button to the left. The garage door motor whirred to life and dragged it upwards. I went around mums car and jumped in mine. A red Honda civic. Simple but effective. Hell, it was a good vehicle that got me from point A to point B and back again. Opening the door and jumping into the driver's seat while throwing my bag in the passenger at the same time. Putting the keys in and turning on the ignition, the dashboard lit up and then faded. The fuel gauge was just less than full. Awesome. Oh wait. I filled up a few days ago.

The drive over was easy. To be fair it was a Monday morning, just barely. I found the café alright. I had been there before. It was situated in a small collection of shops right next to a local footy oval on one side. And the wharf on the other. Over the other side of the road there were more shops and a big department store. You couldn’t see it over the stores here however. I pulled into the car park and found a place easy enough. I picked up my bag, locked the car and started walking over. Reaching the café I saw Bertie through the window. The place was tall to say the least. High ceiling, so Bertie could walk around easy. Plastic blue chairs situated outside. Inside it was fairly large.

Big glass windows that looked over the street, a fireplace in the corner, stark orange walls that were lined with local art. Some paintings, some of Bertie's, I think I saw one of my photographs from high school. The thing here was you were allowed to submit your art just for decoration or sell it through the café. Some of them had price tags on them for that exact reason.  I found Bertie again, towering over the table, holding a menu. Reiner was tall but Bertie was just a little taller. Colossal would be good word but going too far. He was just tall. Or as he liked to say, everyone else was just short and we were the weird ones. I pulled out a chair and sat down. He raised his head and smiled at me.

"Hey Jean!" He beamed. I returned the smile despite how I was feeling.

"Hey ya giant."   He chuckled.

"You're never gonna let me live down my height are you?"

"Why would you live down when you're up there?" He looked at me quizzically.

"That… That doesn’t make any sense you moron."

"I know, just wanted to rip on you some more." He laughed again. It was good to see him happy. His parents were going through a divorce and Bertie was taking it the worst. Did I forget to mention that earlier? Oh. Well here it is now. There ya go. We didn’t hang out for a few weeks because of it but it was good for him to get out of the house. I mean, I had shit in my life but when your parents split? I had no idea of the pain he was going through inside.

"So how have you been, Jean?" He was still smiling.

"Yea, alright. How are you dealing with everything? You okay?" His smile slowly faded.

"Well. I mean- I-. You see…" His words trailed off. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"It's. Complicated." He said it flatly. I should have dropped the subject there and then but I wasn't about to give up on my friend. No matter what, I don’t think I could do that. As close as I came this morning.

"You wanna talk about it?" He sat back a bit, folding his arms.

"Jean. You. You don't- You don’t have to do that, it's fine really. And I don’t want to get you involved. So. Thanks but. I-." His words were cut short. I could see he was biting back tears. His bottom lip started to quiver.

"Can. Can we just drop it for now? I don't…. I don’t want to break down in public." I leaned over and gently held his arm.

"That's okay, I'm here if you want to talk later okay?" He nodded and managed a shaky;

"Yea."

"Okay. Now let's order, I haven’t even had breakfast yet." He wiped his face and shook his head.

"You idiot, Kirschtien. How will you manage living by yourself?" We laughed together. And the conversation drifted further away from Bertie's parent's divorce and somehow onto why pineapples don't have faces. We ordered our food and it came in about 20 minutes. We ate as we talked, still going in circles about the pineapple face thing. I was against and he was for.

"No man, just think." He said around a mouthful of an egg salad sandwich.

"If pineapples had faces, they could talk and we could learn about em you know?"

I shook my head and took another bit of my turkey burger.

"Learn what? What it’s like to be a pineapple? How would that be useful at all? And how would they speak English? What if they spoke German?"

"Then I would come to you and have you translate for me Mr. I speak both German and French fluently thanks to my combined foreign heritage."

"Okay, first of all, this whole argument is totally invalid on so many levels. And second, don’t pull that on me, thirdly, if pineapples had faces and could speak German or whatever, wouldn’t that mean they had a brain and sentience?"

"Well, yea obviously. How else is something gonna speak? Through vigorous interpretive dance?"

"It’s a possibility. The pineapples might have their own dance language." He stared at me blankly.

"I'm the one who started this conversation and now you are turning against me." He finished his sandwich and I, my burger.

"Well, yea, isn’t that how things work?"

"Not usually but I'll roll with it." He chuckled and I smiled and shook my head.

"Anyway, what do you want to do now?"

"I don't know, hang on." I pulled out my phone and checked the time. Shit. It was 1 o'clock already. I had to back at my house around 3:30 so I could get showered and changed before work. So that leaves about two hours to kill.

"You want to do anything in particular? I have work at 4."

"Hm." He sat back.

"Well, that takes out a movie night or something. Wait, you work at a video store, wanna have a movie night sometime?"

I shrugged and thought about it momentarily.

"Sure, when?"

"I have work all this week but a day off on Saturday so wanna do it then?"

"Dude, I have a day off on Saturday as well!" That actually lifted my mood a little bit.

"Awesome, so it’s settled. Now back to the present, did you wanna do something or just chill?"

"I'm good with just chilling."

We got up and paid the bill. It was actually pretty cheap but good quality. You go somewhere else and they charge you $15 for a toothpick. Not really but sometimes it felt that way. We walked around downtown for an hour just catching up. You know,  what we have done in the last three weeks, any arty stuff planned, special projects, we avoided talking about family though. That one was not going to be touched with a forty foot pole. Or gone anywhere near. We eventually part ways at 3pm, it would take me about 20 minutes to get back to my place so that left a good 40 minutes to get ready. It was good to see Bertie again. He really took my mind off things. Of course half way home I remembered how I was feeling and that slowly peeled off the mask I put on.

Eventually I made it back to my house and no one was home. I knew because when I pulled into the garage, mums car was gone. Walking in the back door I slipped off my shoes and padded into the kitchen. There was a note on the table. From mum.

_"Dear Jean, I had to run out to finish some errands I forgot about yesterday. There is some lasagna in the oven. Help yourself and save a couple of bucks on food tonight. Love Mum."_

I turned the note over, walking into the office and retrieving a pen, began to write my response. I would probably be gone  by the time mum got back.

_"Thanks for the food. See you tonight or tomorrow morning. Jean."_

Short, sweet and to the point. I had never really been one for writing letters. Why didn't mum just text me? I forgot about it as I pulled the lasagna from the oven. It was still hot so she must have left as I got back. Maybe I passed her on the way in. I downed a fair helping of the Italian savory layer cake (Mums name for it.) and made my way into my room to grab my work clothes. Black shirt with the stores name on it. Black jeans. Don’t you dare pull an Annie on me, I will find you and end you. And my pair of old runners. That was on my to do list. Get new shoes. Tomorrow. What was tomorrow? Tuesday. Yea, shoes tomorrow.

I jumped in the shower and blasted "Made of stone", belting out the lyrics. It was actually peaceful when I was home alone. Granted I still felt like shit but it was good to try and let go when I was in the shower. Not in that way, just unwind and sing evanescence, seriously, who didn't sing in the shower? I got out fairly quickly and got dressed. It took me 15 minutes to style my fucking hair, pain in the ass. If it wasn't so goddamn cold I probably would have shaved it off. Wait. No I wouldn’t, I'd look fucking stupid. After trying to fix that one little shit of a cowlick at the back of head I decided I'd just wear a beanie.

"Fuck this. I'm gonna be late." I said to myself.

Padding down to my room in thick socks I fished out a red beanie from the drawers under the bed. Sliding it on and pushing it back a bit so my fringe stuck out the front, I put my shoes on, grabbed the keys and my bag, locked the house up and left for work. Hopefully tonight would go quick. Honestly I was in no mood for tonight to drag on. But part of me wished it did.

_____________________________________________________________________

I made it to work at 4:05pm. It was only five minutes so the boss wouldn’t have a shit fit. If it was six or god forbid seven.

 _"l'enfer n'a pas de fureur"_ I breathed. That was the first time I had spoken French in years. Glad I still remembered it. I wonder what Hanji would say if I started speaking French about her? Something like 'Say that again, but in a language I understand Kirschtein.' I don't know. Maybe rant about how the 'Titans' as she called them, wouldn't think twice to eat me if I sassed em in French. Not that it mattered really because c'mon. Pulling up outside the store and parking I glanced in and saw how busy it was. Hanji was the only one working here tonight apart from me. And boy did she look flustered. Given she had a talent for being quick with her hands and being able to handle shit like this under pressure, she looked like she was about to collapse. What the actual fuck was going on anyway? Why was the store so busy? It was a Tuesday afternoon. Whatever, enough wondering why the store was so packed, Hanji needed fucking help.

I got out and ran into the store, locking my car with the beeper. It's lights blinked. Wait, my bag. Fuck it. I shoved my keys in  my pockets and ran around the counter. Someone was yelling at Hanji from halfway down the line about getting his goddamn movie. Impatient bastard, he could see how busy we were.

"Hey Hanji!" I smiled as I rounded the corner and logged onto the computer. She just finished dealing with a customer and turned sideways to face me. Hair in that crazed style of hers, glasses perched on the tip of her nose. One hand rested on the counter and the other on her hip. She looked a little mad. But it was Hanji, she was never mad.

"About time you got here Jeanie-boy." Her favorite pet name for me. I regret telling her that my mum called me that when I was little.

"Well, my shift only started 5 minutes ago so-"

"So why weren't you hear five minutes ago?!" She faked being mad, but the customer waiting wasn't. An old lady who looked very pissed but tried not to show it stood on the other side of the counter. Waiting patiently, but not really so.

"Détendre, je suis ici maintenant."

"Sass me again and I'll feed you to Reiner." She pointed at me.

"Do you even know what I said?"

"No, but knowing your dick face it probably wasn't nice." We laughed and the old lady stood there with her mouth open. Hanji turned towards the crowd and remembered that we were not alone.

"Oh." She said flatly. She quickly grabbed the case the old woman had and swiped it, took her money, gave her change and set her on her way.

"Such language from a lady." She scolded on her way out.

"I'm no lady honey, deal with it." She smiled at the other woman as she shook her head, mumbling about the younger generation or something.

She turned toward the next person and rushed to get the rest out of here. We kept talking as my computer finally let me on,

"Next please." I called.

___________________________________

The store finally went quiet at about 6pm. Hanji had finally shooed the last of the customers out. Poor bastard had his girls arguing over what their father wanted to watch more. Frozen or Brave. Not to mention Hanji had been here since 2pm. It may not seem like much but that was a lot when you were this busy.

"Alright Jean, while everything is quiet ima go have dinner. You cool to watch the store for a couple of minutes?"

"Yea, I should be good. Go have dinner before someone other little girl walks in and starts an argument about Frozen or Brave." She pointed at me again.

"It was easy, Frozen hands down. Though I think the father gave me that look that he had seen it for the 5th time this week."

"It's almost as if his kid loved that movie so much she couldn't-"

"Don't. You. Fucking. Dare finish that pun or I am out of he-"

"Let it go. Let it gooooo." I started singing. Huge grin on my face. She literally just walked out of the store without another word. She'd be back. And if she didn't, I'd have more time to rearrange the shelves where a toddler threw a hissy fit and scattered discs off the shelf onto the floor. His mother had to drag him out, screaming. Fuck knows what it was about. Kids. Oh, I'd also have more time to wallow in self loathing. Wonderful part of my brain that was. Scumbag depression. I could still feel it. Lingering at the edges of my mind. Just waiting for my mask to slip. At least with Hanji gone I could take it off for a moment. Fuck knows why, it didn't do any good. But I couldn’t help it, ya know?

I must have thought too soon because as soon as I started to drift into my thoughts, she rounded the corner and was back in the store with an exasperated sigh. Mask on. Anchors away. At least as much as I could.

"That was quick." I said casually.

"Bastards are so busy I placed my order and they said they'd bring it over. Wonderful bastards."

"Hm. Where'd you go?"

"Bakery. I didn't even know they were up this late so I was like, 'fuck yea, gonna get me a pie'."

I shook my head. The store was deathly quiet so we talked about nothing for twenty fifteen minutes until Hanji's pie arrived. She thanked the young guy and downed it in less than thirty seconds. My god the woman could eat. Probably cuz she was super smart so she needed to keep her brain fueled. And could she talk. The best part was no one came in for the entirety we were talking and there was nothing to do, so for an hour we just sat and talked about random stuff, including Hanji's 'Titan' theory and watched some stuff on YouTube. Somehow, don’t ask me how because fucked if I know, but somehow, we got onto the subject of relationships. Hanji's eyes seemed to light up when we started talking about it.

Asking me if I had got and I fucking quote, 'Got any of dat dick behind mummy and daddy's back.'

"Hanji! For fucks sake!" She was lost in hysterics, literally rolling on the floor and I swear if I blushed any harder I would have melted.

"Honestly, I mean- Really- You…. I cannot believe you would ask me something like that." My embarrassment was suddenly replaced with remorse as I remembered Thomas. Thomas fucking Wagner. I pushed the thought from my mind. Hanji finally composed herself and got up.

"You should have seen your fucking face! Oh my gosh!"

"I can’t believe you!" I almost screamed at her. She got up off the floor and sat in her chair. Finally calming down enough to breathe right again.

"Oh my gosh. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. But seriously have you?" She perched her glasses on the tip of her nose, looking out at me from under them and waggled her eyebrows.

"No. I haven't."

"Naw, too bad."

"I don’t want to right now anyway. I have too much else to worry about." It wasn't a total lie. As if anyone would want to deal with someone like me anyway. A time bomb of anxiety and a swirling mass of negative emotions that I couldn’t explain. It was like the opposite of love.

"Whatever." She said blandly. She spun on her chair and looked at the time on the computer.

"Oh cool, my shift is over in five." She grabbed her handbag from underneath the counter and started to walk around and towards the door.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

"You got here five minutes late so I leave five minutes early. Don’t forget to lock up Jeanie-boy." She beamed as she made it to the door. And stopped. She was frozen.

"Hanji, you okay?" She spun on her heel and ran back inside. Fear started to grip me and I panicked. Fuck, what if someone had been shot or she saw something terrifying? Anxiety reared its ugly head and scenario after scenario started to play in my head. Then I saw she was smiling.

"Jean! Oh my God! Fix your hair, look presentable for fucks sake!"

Was she serious. The fear and anxiety left as soon as it came.

"Why? What is it?" I don’t know why I asked.

"Hot bod accompanied by a female friend on the way here. Rapidly approaching! Man your stations! All hands on dick!"

"Deck, Hanji."

"I know what I said Kirschtien." I rolled my eyes and stood up. I could just barely see two figures approaching.

"Why are you so excited?"

"Because, here is your chance to piss off daddy."

"Hanji oh my gosh. First of all, why? Why do you do this? Second, how do you know if he is gay? If he is with a female friend don't you think it would be his girlfriend?"

"Nah man, my gaydar is going off on a strong number 8. And the air around them just screams we are friends and he likes other hot bods. Other hot male bods. Mmmm yes. Hot gay men."

"Christ on a salt reduced cracker."

"Oh c'mon, give me a chance. Better yet, give him a chance."

"Han-"

"Shhhhh! Here they come. Act natural. And wait till you see this guy, he's almost as big as Reiner. But not quite. No one is as big as Reiner. Jean, shut up, they're here."

I shook my head as she pulled me up off my chair and made me stand right next to her. She had her arms clasped in front of her and was still as a statue. The first one to walk in was a girl. Petite frame and she could have been Hanji's younger sister or maybe cousin. Same brown hair, styled in a ponytail. Petite body but she had a fair amount of muscle. She wore a pink tank top, black yoga pants and plain white sneakers. She walked in and realized she was alone. She stuck her head out the door and screamed;

"Marco! Hurry up! They might close soon!"

A soft voice echoed in the distance.

"I'm coming Sasha, just give me a break. I've been dancing since nine this morning."

Hanji turned to me and waggled her eyebrows.

"Shhh." I gave her a stern look that gave the message 'just because he dances, doesn't mean he is gay.'

She turned around and spoke to the girl, Sasha.

"No, we're open till ten honey!"

Sasha pulled herself in and smiled

"Really? Awesome!" She bounded inside and went to the comedy section. The boy, whose name we now knew was Marco, followed shortly after, coming into the stores light from the dark parking lot. Man was Hanji right. This guy was gorgeous. Short black hair that almost shone in the light, dots of sun splattered across his body like paint, a beautifully sculpted jaw line and that body holy shit. Hanji wasn't kidding. The dude had a typically skinny frame but the body was one of a gymnast. Biceps bulging, not huge but enough to draw attention, shoulders that rippled under his shirt. I couldn’t see his abs because they were covered by a light blue tank top but his legs. Just barely covered by black gym shorts, were totally ripped. He wore plain sandshoes, same as Sasha. And those eyes, those stunning chocolate eyes I will never forget. Not quite chocolate but more like the colour of molten whiskey, like there was a fire burning beneath them just busting to be released. He jogged past Hanji and I and gave us a quick nod and said;

"Hey." His voice was like velvet. No denying it. I was head over heels for this guy and I only knew his name. I didn’t believe in love at first sight but there was something about him that I just had to get closer to. I couldn’t explain it. As he jogged past us, his eyes locked momentarily with mine and time seemed to slow to a crawl. There was something about him. Something hidden beneath the surface of those molten eyes that burned into my very soul. Almost tearing at my being, challenging me to dive in and unlock his secrets. Time sped up again and his head turned away, breaking the spell I seemed to be under. I blinked and shook my head. I leant forward, hands on the counter as I watched him jog. He was so graceful with his movements. And the man had an ass sculpted by Jesus and nothing was going to convince me otherwise.

When Marco made it over to Sasha, they started talking about the movies on the shelf, I wasn't paying much attention to the words just Marco. Hanji cleared her throat and I was snapped out of my daze. I shook my head and turned towards her. She was wearing the biggest, smuggest, shit-eating grin that anyone ever had the displeasure of seeing.

"Wha-What?" I managed.

"You think he is hot." She whispered. I started to go red again.

"Well. Yea, but, he might- I mean- We still don't- Shut up." Back to staring.

"You're tripping over your words Jeanie-boy." Her smile grew even wider, if that was even possible.

"Well- I just-…. Stop it."

"Stop what?" She kept that smile.

"You fucking know what Hanji Zoe."

"Oooooh." She whistled.

"Busting out the full name are we? You must be mad, Mr. Kirschtien."

I barely heard what she said. I was too focused on Marco. The way he moved, the lightness of his voice, the gracefulness of his movements. There was no other way to describe it. He moved like water flowing through a river. Not stiff like ice. He was the total opposite of me. Whereas I was down most of the time, stiff movements, always afraid. This man. This gorgeous man was just, different. He seemed to radiate happiness and warmth from his very being, so open about everything. Hanji snapped her finger in front of my face, breaking my focus once again. She whistled.

"Yoo-hoo. Anyone home? Should I leave a message? Tell Jean to stop being so distracted by the dancers ass."

I slapped a hand over her mouth.

"Not so loud! He might hear you!" I screamed as quietly as I could. She removed my hand and shook her head.

"Okay, look. I have a plan, but I need you to agree to something first."

"Oh no. No bets." She sighed.

"You know me too well. Fine, I'll distract the girl and her away from him. And you swoop in on Mr. Tall, strong and freckles there. Mkay?"

To this day I am still not sure if it was my anxiety or just butterflies that had the timing to start right now.

"But what if he see's through you? What if he _is_ gay? What if-"

"Jean! Quit worrying. I got this." She cracked her neck and her knuckles and adjusted her glasses. Then toning down the shit eating grin to a casual smile, she strutted over to the pair. I watched her go. And I prayed. Prayed that my anxiety wouldn’t get the better of me. Not this time. Hanji reached the dancing duo in no time.

"Hi there, can I help you with anything? Looking for a specific movie?" Sasha was the first to speak.

"Oh no, we’re good thank you." She dismissed her with a smile and the flick of the wrist. Bad idea sweetie. Very bad idea. No one just waves off Hanji. No matter how polite it was. I swear I saw Hanji break a little, her smile wavered and her eyes sparkled.

"Oh please, I insist, it is my job after all." She grinned wider. But these people didn’t know Hanji like I did. She was mad. Her plan wasn't working already. Marco was the one to talk this time.

"Well, sure, what can you recommend?"

She turned towards the shelf and out a finger to her lips. Humming.

"Well, if you're looking for older style comedy, I mean, I assume you are because you came to this section but I think…"

Her eyes locked on something and her face lit up. She reached for it and I shudder at what I thought it was, if I knew Hanji it was gonna follow some deducing plan she had in mind.

"What about this one? Kinky boots?"

 _"Fuck me sideways Hanji, why?"_ I thought to myself.

Sasha smirked and looked over at Marco, hands on her hips.

"No way? You have that? Hey Marco, wasn't it a few years ago when we first saw that movie and you were like, 'That's why I wanna be gay?'" She chortled and slapped his arm playfully.

I don't know what happened next. Marco looked over at Sasha trying to not laugh and failing miserably, my stomach dropped and Hanji screamed.

"YES!" She immediately slapped her hands over her mouth and everything went quiet. Sasha and Marco looked at her like she just screamed bloody murder. She dropped her hands and tried to keep a straight face.

"Excuse that, just a little thing I do every now and again. Hahahaha." She was the only one laughing. Why Hanji? Why do you do this?

"Okay then. But Sasha, can you not make jokes like that?"

"Oh c'mon sour puss, lighten up. You love my gay humor."

"Well, yea but. Yea." He laughed it off. It was lighthearted.

Hanji just stood there, clearly pleased with her gaydar skills and resisting the urge to turn around and wiggle her eyebrows at me. She was in the final stage of her plan.

"Oh, so you’re gay? Marco was it?" He turned towards Hanji.

"Um. Yea, yea I am. That's not a problem is it?"

"Oh goodness nooooooo. I love gay people. One actually works here so it's all good."

_"You fucking didn't. No. No. Abort mission."_

"Oh. That's. Cool I guess. I mean-"

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Marco seemed a little taken aback by the question.

"No. I'm single."

"Really? A handsome man like you? Why on earth would you be single? Tell you what, don’t answer that, I like a bit of mystery. You know who doesn’t though? My home boy Jean over there." She jerked her thumb over her shoulder at me.

_"Hanji! No! Abort! Abort!"_

The pair looked over at me and I immediately tried to find something to do. Shooting my head downwards I found a stack of DVD's and started sorting through them. Not even paying attention I just didn’t want to lift my head I was so embarrassed.

  
"He doesn't like mystery?" Sasha raised an eyebrow.

"What? Oh no, not like that. Sort of like, he likes to know a person you know? I swear he talks to every customer and knows so much about everyone he puts the boss to shame. Such a friendly guy."

"Cool." Sasha said nodding her head.

_"Please don't do this Hanji, don't send him-"_

"Tell you what? How about I take you for a tour of the store Sasha? You know, have some real girl talk about movies and stuff?"

She must have caught onto Hanji's plan because I swear I saw her smirk slightly.

"Sure, sounds like fun. Hey Marco, why don’t you go talk to Jean, was it?"

Hanji nodded.

"Awesome, yea, go talk to Jean over there. Maybe see what he recommends, boy talk." Thankfully Marco was totally oblivious, adorable idiot.

"Uh. Sure, why not? I'll catch up with you when we’re going?" He raised an eyebrow at Sasha.

"Yup. Now go, I want to talk to this lady."

"Hanji."

"I want to talk to Hanji. Now shoo."

"O-Okay, geez."

 He started to walk over to me. Oh fuck, he was walking over to me. Breathe Jean, keep your head down, don't say much, don't look like an idiot. If you screw this up it's all over. One shot. That's all you have. Okay, start off with a hello and then work from there. Breathe dammit. For God's sake you-

"Hello."

My head darted up. He was standing in front of me. Oh fuck he was standing on front of me. Staring at me. I was staring at him as well. Fuck me with a cactus, his eyes are amazing. Don’t just stand there, say something you idiot!

"Hey."

You fuckwit.

"Uh, your friend over there said you could help me?"

"Hmm? Oh yea Hanji, cool. What do you want?"

_"You rude prick."_

He chortled.

"Umm. Well, that's why I'm here, she said you could recommend some stuff?"

"Yea. Yea, of course. Sure. Um. Whaaat. What are you into?"

"Guys mostly." He laughed.

He chose to make a joke now. Fucking now of all times? Jesus help me. Laugh you moron!

"Ha, yea me too." My stomach dropped to my ankles and I caught my breathe. Why did I just say that? Why? Why? Jesus fucking Christmas Jerry Springer holiday special why? Oh shit, he is looking at me. No wait. Smiling. He is smiling, I made him smile. Focus!

"Oh-. Oh. You. You're gay or are you bi or something?" He was nervous. That made me a little less nervous. All right, chill out Jean, just a great looking guy, who you just sorta came out to. And who is suddenly nervous as well.

"Um. Yea I guess so. I- think so at least I mean, I had a girlfriend in high school but. No- I- You. Gay. Just gay, I like guys, yea."

I was stumbling over my words again God fucking damn it all to hell and be raped with sandpaper I was fucking this up so bad. Why did you have to be so attractive you whiskey eyed bastard?

"Hehe. Cool. So um. Movies? Right?"

"Uh yea, yea, you didn't really answer the question though. Like, you did, but. Yea."

"Oh right. Well, I guess new releases are usually pretty good. How about the top 10 you have here?"

"Sure, yea right over here."

Right to where Hanji was talking up a storm with Sasha. And glancing over at us occasionally. Fuck it. Let's go

"This way." I directed him over to where Hanji and Sasha were. We walked over and Hanji saw us coming. She raised her voice and sounded like she was covering something up.

"So, these are the top 10 new releases according to, you know, movie polls and reviews and what not."

"Oh yea. Cool." Said Sasha, feigning interest. They were fucking talking about us.

"Hey Jean, hey Marco, how's it going?" Hanji asked in that fucking cover up tone. Trying to sound like she wasn't hiding something.

"Good. Good. Just showing Marco this section. Over here."

"Yea I was just showing Sasha. Oh hey, here's a good one." She reached onto the shelf and pulled a case off.

"How about Maleficent? It has incredible visual effects. The detail goes down to the single strands of feathers. Wonderful if you like fantasy."

Sasha turned to Marco.

"Sounds good, what do you think Marco? In the mood for detailed wings?" Now Sasha wore the shit eating grin. She knew what was going on. Hanji probably filled her in.

"Yea. Sounds good, what else is there?" He spun on his heel and glanced over the shelf.

"How about….. Oh Transformers. I wanted to see this." He grinned and pulled the take home copy off the shelf.

"So. These are three night hires?"

"Yea, they're new releases so yea."

_"Nice use of vocabulary Jean."_

"Awesome." Said Marco, smiling like an goofball. God he was cute.

Hanji rocked back and forth on her heels.

"Right so that will be everything?" She asked. Sasha cut off Marco when he opened his mouth.

"Yep, that's it. Don't want to have too many. Cuz we have dance pretty early in the morning. So this will do for now." She still had the grin plastered on. So did Hanji. Marcos mouth was open in an 'O' and was as in the middle of it all.

"Awesome. Well, let's get these paid for and send you on your way." Hanji walked over to the counter and Sasha followed suit, they were mumbling about something I couldn't quite hear.

"Coming Marco?" Called Sasha over her shoulder. He closed his mouth and spun on his heel again. He walked over to the counter without another word. Clearly he was used to Sasha doing this sort of thing. I hesitated a moment before [pacing to the counter. Marco handed Hanji the Transformers movie and she swiped it like an expert.

"Ten bucks tonight guys." She smiled.

 Marco reached into his pocket and pulled out a ten dollar note. How did he know? Was it just coincidence? Must have been. I thought nothing of it. I tried to distract myself by shuffling cases about and putting them on the counter behind me. I paused to catch my breath. Why was it hard to breathe? Oh fucking hell, a panic attack? No. Just trouble breathing. Why? Was it anxiety or butterflies? God dammit. I hated this, I was probably making a total fuckwit of myself. Wait to go for a good first impression.

"Oh awesome, exact change, I like you freckles. And so does Jean I think."

I froze. Did I just hear that right? Hanji you little. Okay, play it off, act natural. I took a breath and turned around.

"Sorry, did you say something Hanji?"

"Hm? Oh no, talking about you not to you Jeanie-boy." She turned and winked at me.

Did she have to use my nickname in front of him?

"Very funny." I said flatly. It was this moment that I noticed Marco was grinning like a dork again. Fuck me gently, he was adorable.

"Jeanie-boy?" He chuckled. I was going red again. Fuck my life. Fuck, fuck, fuck my life.

"Yea, it's Hanji's favorite pet name for me." I forced a half assed smile.

"It's…. Cute…. Jeanie-boy." He smirked. Why did he have to be so attractive? Fuck you Marco. Fuck you and your sexiness.

"Thanks. I guess." Now he went red and looked away. There was as bit of an awkward silence for a moment and Sasha broke it.

"Hey Marco, why don’t you invite these two over to the party?" She beamed.

"Didn’t you say it would be good to have a few more people?" Marco snapped to attention.

"What? Um. Yea, I mean, if they want to go. But- Wait we hardly know them." He frowned slightly.

Oh no, please don't frown. Fuck he was cute even when he did that.

"I already know Hanji pretty well. We had quite the girl talk. Didn't we?" She looked over at Hanji

"Oh goodness yes, we did. We're practically friends now. But Jean and Marco, you hardly know each other. Why don’t you go out? Get to know each other? Have some fun? What was the party for?" Marco blushed slightly and stumbled over his words like a toddler.

"Oh um, some friends of mine just finished university exams so we were having a get together at my house. Just- You know, a few friends. But it would be good to have more people- I guess. Like- If you want to come Jean? After we get to know one another of course." He blushed harder.

"A-and Hanji here of course, if she wants." He gestured to Hani and then lowered his hand back by his side. God he was so cute when he was flustered. How many times had I thought that in the last five minutes? I opened my mouth to speak but like Sasha did to Marco, Hanji cut me off.

"We'd love to!" She beamed like Sasha.

"Awesome, so we should get your numbers, if that's okay?"

"Oh I don't have my phone on me, sorry." Hanji faked it. I knew she had her phone on her, it was in her bag under the counter.

"Oh shoot, I left mine in the car. Too bad." Sasha pouted.

"Oh wait, Marco, you have yours don't you?" Next thing we knew, Sasha was reaching into Marcos pants and she pulled out his phone.

"Hey, what are you. Sasha?" He fidgeted at the intrusion. I wonder what he would say if it was my hand.

"Here you go." She unlocked it and handed it to Hanji.

"Oh wonderful, I don't really answer my phone most of the time so I'll just give you Jean's number. Mkay?"

"Mkay." Sasha echoed. Still beaming. Marco and I just looked at our respective lady friends, confused about what just happened. Next minute, I heard my phone go off in my bag with a message.

"Alright, all set. Marco, honey, I just sent a message to Jean so he has your number. Is that okay?"

"Um. Yea, yea that's alright." He smiled. That gorgeous smile of his. Fuckin' hell he was hot. Those freckles. Kisses from the sun. I wanted to be his sun. That was so gay I cannot believe I just thought that.

"Awesome, well I suppose we should make plans hmm? Jean, you finish early this Friday don’t you? Perfect timing. You can go out." Sasha chimed in;

"Actually Friday is the worst day, we don’t finish till 9:30pm."

Hanji let out a low whistle. This was turning into Hanji and Sasha organizing Marco and I to hang out. Wait a minute.

"Holy hell, and you start at, what, 10am I think you said?"

"Yup. Almost twelve hours of dance and training."

 _"How the fuck did he have the energy to do that? Yikes."_ I thought.

"How about Saturday? Jean, you have a day off."

"That will work because the dance school is closed weekends."

"Wonderful. That okay with you boys?"

"Okay." We spoke in unison and all of us laughed.

Hanji handed the phone to Sasha and then clapped her hands together.

"Great, Jean will keep me posted on what's what. So you two go enjoy your movies. And we'll see you at the party hopefully. Sounds good?"

"Sounds good." Said Sasha.

"You're right though, we best get going so we can start on these movies. Shall we Marco?"

"Hm? Oh, right. Um. See you guys later. And I'll see you on Saturday Jean? I'll text you later tonight so we can plan it?"

"Yes, that would be good. I don’t finish till 10pm tonight though so I may not reply right away."

"Oh nonsense, no one will come in at this hour, you boys can text all night. Jean, I'll deal with anyone who has the nerve to show up at 9 o'clock on a Monday."

"A-alright then. So um Marco. Text you tonight I guess." I said smiling at him. I realized we weren’t focused on one another. He turned his head towards me. He was still blushing a little.

"Definitely. And I'll see you Saturday hopefully?"

"Definitely." I mimicked him.

"Cool. Umm." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down for a moment before saying.

"It’s a date."

My heart soared and I felt light as a feather.

"Yea, I guess it is." Now I was rubbing my neck. We locked eyes. I stared into his chocolate orbs and he into my amber. Hanji and Sasha just looked at each other and gave that small grin people give when they know a plan worked. That was probably the best way to describe it. Hanji bit her lip and leant against the counter. Sasha spoke up. Breaking the silence again.

"Naw, you two are just adorable. Time to go Marco-Polo. You can text your boyfriend later." She wiggled her eyebrows at Hanji and she giggled.

"He's not my-. Whatever. We should go though."

"Alright let's move for goodness' sake, you can drool outside." She grabbed the discs, walked behind him, put her hands on his back and started pushing him out the door. He waved and said;

"Bye Hanji, nice meeting you. Text you tonight. Jeanie-boy." He smiled coyly.

"Yea. I'm looking forward to it. I mean-. Yea, bye. Marco-Polo."

I waved back and he was out the store and halfway to the car on the other side of the parking lot before Sasha stopped pushing him. I dropped my hand to my side. Hanji spun and looked me dead in the eye. Gazing at me from under her glasses.

"You're welcome, you lovesick puppy."

"I'm not-." I sighed.

"Whatever. You didn’t know until Sasha made that joke admit it."

She put a hand to her chest and acted shocked.

"My dear boy, my gaydar is never wrong. You should be thanking me, I just got you a date this Saturday with Mr. Tall, strong and freckles. You're welcome." She waggled her eyebrows.

"I-. Yea, thanks." I shook my head and she walked over behind the counter and began stacking more discs to be put back on the shelves later.

I stared out the glass front doors and saw Sasha jump in the driver's seat of the car. Did Marco have his license? I pushed the thought from my mind. I had bigger things to worry about. I had a date this Saturday. For the first time in forever. I felt like the anchors weighing me down had rusted away. And the coldness had been replaced by fire tingling under my skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that is it for chapter 2, how about that? You enjoying it? I hope you are because I am having a lot of fun writing this. What’s gonna happen on Saturday? What about Bertie? Thought I forgot didn't you? Don't lie, you did. Thank you to all of you who have left a kudos and all the hits. It really shows me that people are enjoying it and it keeps me writing so keep em coming. Haha. I do have a Tumblr, it is the same as my username here so that's "chaotic-phantasm.tumblr.com" so if you want to, follow, leave a message, I would love to hear from you and talk to you next chapter. Maybe a bit of action? Maybe some family stuff? Tune in and find out. Talk to you later.  
> -Drew


	4. The Hanji maneuver and Marco-Polo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean obviously isn't the most social, or the best dressed. How does one fix that? Simple. The Hanji maneuver. Side note, this will be split into two chapters, not literally but as the title suggests. Strap yourselves in cuz this will be the longest chapter yet. Hopefully. In this chapter we see Hanji and Jean go shopping, a bit of humor, a marathon with Bertholdt and the date with Marco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so chapter 3, let's do it. In which there is awkward clothes shopping, a car trip, an awkwarder number asking and Arctic Monkeys sing along. Get pumped. Get ready. Get excited. Lol, not really, most of this is a filler episode and I thought it might be fun to write and have more action of "Minor Characters". I hate that term, true as it may be, all characters need decent screen time. Had so much fun writing this chapter and I hope you have fun reading it. Anyway, the Hanji Maneuver, let's find out what such a thing is. Fuck, I'm out of tea.

Fast forward to the next morning. That's me. Lying in bed again. Big surprise huh? Ah well, good thing is I was feeling alright. Not over the fucking moon or anything but fairly alright. Spose that's the best word I can use. Fuck, I'm saying that a lot aren’t I? Must have used up all my creative juices on the prologue huh? Fuck it all. Fuck everything. Actually, no, what am I saying? Don't fuck everything, I feel fucking great. I need to tone down on the swear words. Especially when I do this sorta thing, you know, start telling you what's what. I'm fucking stalling man, let's get on with it.

Scene. My room. Characters. Well, me. Props. My bed. And me being tangled in my fucking sheets. Not a clue why, I thought I slept pretty well. Clearly my bed protests at me leaving as I try to get out and realize that my foot is tangled in the sheets but not before I am halfway out of my bed and fall on my fucking face as I try and stand up. Fucking bed. Why am I swearing so much? I should be happy. I have a date. On Saturday. With Marco. What the fuck? How did I get a date with that? Mr. Tall, handsome, muscled….Freckles…. Tall… And… Handsome… And… Muscles. Smooth skin, dotted with kisses from the sun. Great, now I am on the floor, face first, tangled in my sheets, probably twisted my ankle and now I am halfway to Bonerville.

Note to self, wrap Hanji in a totally platonic friend hug and thank her for her gaydar and incredible social skills that landed me a date. Speaking of which, my phone rang with a text message. I tried to tangle myself out of the sheets but gave up after a moment and reached up to the bedside table, fumbled around for a bit and then grabbed my phone. Holy shit, what time was it? I swear if I woke myself up at some godforsaken hour I will-

It's 10:30am. Well. That's not bad. Oh fuck when did I have-

No wait. I don't have work till this afternoon. What was it with the boss giving me all the night shifts? Not that I minded really, I never really went out at night. You know, lack of social skills and all that junk. Not to mention lack of numerous friends. Not that I cared about that either. Popular people never seem truly happy. Fuck no, fuck you mind, I am not getting all deep and shit at 10:30. 10:31am, in the God dam morning. Shit what if it was Marco, wasn't he supposed to text me last night? He didn't. Bastard. Wait, I didn’t text him either…. Jean, you bastard. I should probably check that text. I unlocked my phone and looked at the number.

 

What the hell? Marco? Oh right, Hanji and Sasha exchanged our numbers for us. I read the text.

**Hey Jean, thanks for the movies last night. They were really good, hope to see you Saturday.**

**\- Marco**

Wow. Only a day and he is still excited to see me. But then again, only a day and he texts me. Was that desperate? When someone texted you the next day? Aren’t you supposed to wait like, three days or something? Whatever, I thought it was cute. Plus he had a valid reason to text me, he was saying thanks. Again. He was polite. Maybe a little too polite. Doesn't psychology say something about the nicest people having have been treated the most badly in their lives or something? I'd have to ask him about it later. If I got the chance. I mean, if we got to know each other better. I'm rambling again, fucking hell talk about a filler. I should probably reply.

What should I say? Dammit Jean why can't you get this right. For fucks sake, pick yourself up and reply to your Saturday date mate. Wait, I was still on the floor. God dammit. I picked myself up and finally freed myself from the blasted sheets that had entrapped my foot. But not after letting loose a string of swears. Fuck it, not like anyone else was around to hear me. Jean! Stop fucking stalling and text your date mate! I typed in a quick reply.

**Yea, no problem man.**

**-Jean**

What the fuck was that? What the fucking fuck was that? 'Yea, no problem man'. What the fuck. Could you be anymore casually cold. I should ask him about Saturday. Would that be coming off too strong? Fuck me with a cactus, why was this so hard? I should ask him about Saturday. I'm gonna fucking ask him about Saturday.

**Hey, so you didn’t text me last night, what's happening Saturday?**

**-Jean**

His reply was quick, must have been a slow day at dance. Shit, that's right, he had dance school or something. What was it called?

**Oh shoot, I'm so, so, so sorry man. I was gonna, honestly but Sasha took my phone and started snap chatting everyone about last night. :)**

**-Marco**

**Lol, what did she say? And to whom?**

**-Jean**

**Well, she told a few people coming to the party we had two extra guests but everyone was cool with that. Then the rest of the time she was making faces and jokes about the movies.**

**-Marco**

**Sounds like a fun night. But seriously, what is happening Saturday?**

**-Jean**

It took a little bit for him to reply this time. Something must have happened. I shouldn’t worry like that, fucks sake.

**Honestly, I don't know. We could do some really cheesy date thing or….. Shoot. This is hard. I'll think about it and get back to you. TTYL.**

**-Marco**

Well that was short and unexpected. Like a gnome popping out from under your bed. Why? Why did I think that? I typed back a quick;

**Okay, cya.**

**-Jean**

And then put my phone down. Hell, it was something. It was progress. It wasn't progress, that was a lie. I should get up. Why was this starting to sound like an ad for old spice soap? Fuck it. I was starving. Time for a shower and then breakfast. Both of those went pretty quick. I showered in five minutes and then went into the kitchen wearing boxers and an old shirt. Hopefully my mum wouldn't mind. I was wrong, she did mind, of course I only found out when I walked into the kitchen and saw her sitting at the table reading one of those trashy magazines. She turned to face me and made an exasperated groan, covering her eyes.

"Oh, gosh Jean, out some pants on. I can see the whole thigh show from here." She mocked.

"What? Nothing you haven't seen before. You didn’t seem to mind when I was a kid." I smiled walking over to the table and hugging her. She seemed surprised by the gesture but accepted it none the less.

"Well, that's when you were a cute little boy." She said with a chortle.

I feigned being hurt with a hand to my chest and pulling back with a little more than too enthusiastic gasp. She turned around to look at me.

"My own mother doesn’t think I'm cute anymore? The shame, the horror, the humanity."

"Well, you're not a chubby five year old anymore. Aren’t you a little too old to be called cute anyway?"

She raised an eyebrow and I dropped my hand, walking over to the pantry and fixing myself some breakfast.

"Well. Yea, but I still enjoy it, I guess."

Dad wasn't here by the way. Although you probably figured that out already. He left for work pretty early after all. And you know, it was like, almost 11am by now. Pretty much lunch time. Well consider this brunch. So anyway, I'll leave out the details but I sorta had brunch with mum and talked for a while with her. It was nice. Been a while since I actually sat down and talked to her. I had forgotten how much fun it could be.

__________________________________________________________

Fast forward again to three o'clock in the afternoon. The day had dragged by. And of course I hadn’t done much. Scanned through some old photos on my camera. Had lunch at 2pm. Watched some bleach, got showered and headed off to work. It wasn't too busy. I know I say that a lot but the store had good days and bad days and then absolutely fucking terrible days. But I am not gonna get into that now. No way, I was in too good of a mood. Which was really weird. It was me. On a Tuesday afternoon. At work. And it was slow. That was a plus. I mean, I was the only one working until 6pm when Reiner showed up and started his shift. Which was of course when I left. But you knew that right? Course you did.

So the day was pretty uneventful. It was a tortoise race at work, I avoided my dad at dinner when he called mum and said he wouldn’t be back till seven. Another plus. Then I talked more with mum. And she had lost a bit of weight, amazing what Reiner-ing at the gym will do. Then after that I watched some more bleach. Seemed like a waste of a full day good mood. So uneventful. So boring. What a fucking waste. C'mon world, give me something to be happy about. Please? As if the world had heard my silent prayer my phone buzzed with a message at 8pm. I paused the bleach disc during Ichigo's final battle with Grimjow. And of course I paused it at a hilarious time when Grimjow was spinning through the air and looked like a ballerina. The message was from…. Marco?

This was the first time he texted me since this morning, must be done dancing or whatever. Hehe, maybe he could teach Grimjow or something. But so began our texting conversation. I wonder how much credit he had. Hopefully enough to talk for a bit. How soon is too soon to ask for a picture?

**Hey, I'm back, sorry I took so long :)**

**-Marco**

**It’s alright, nothing really happened all day.**

**-Jean**

**Naw, was little Jeanie-boy bored while I was gone?**

**-Marco**

The fuck did he think he was trying to pull.

**Call me Jeanie-boy again, I dare you. Marco-Polo**

**-Jean**

He hesitated to reply this time, it wasn't instant. He planned his next move. Smart boy.

**What, not allowed to call you by your nickname Jeanie-boy? :)**

**-Marco**

He wasn't as smart as I first thought.

**Seriously, it’s bad enough my mum and Hanji call me that, I don't need you doing it as well. :p**

**-Jean**

**Jeanie-boy.**

**-Marco**

**You're pushing it freckles**

**-Jean**

**Jeanie-boy**

**-Marco**

**Call me that again and I cancel Saturday.**

**-Jean**

Fuckin' right. Put a full stop so he knew how serious I was. Despite the fact I was smiling like a fuckwit and blushing. This was fun.

**Okay, okay you win.**

**-Marco**

Good. Sorta. I was halfway through saying thanks in a text and then he texted me again.

**Jeanie-boy. Lol.**

**-Marco**

SON OF A FUCK. That was the last straw. Should I call him? I'm fuckin calling him. Don't try to stop me. I did it. I hit call. The phone rang twice before I heard a familiar voice on the line. But who was it?

"Hello?"

Fuck, did I call the wrong number? I looked at the screen. Nope, it was Marco. At least that was the name on the screen, must have been him. But it wasn't.

"Um. Marco?" I questioned to the stranger on the phone. The voice went higher and it sounded. Like a girl. Doing a terrible impression of Marco.

"Why yes, tis I! Marco! The freckled savior of my smoking hot two toned hair boyfriend Jeanie-boy." The voice laughed. Okay what the fuck. Two toned hair- Okay maybe that was true, but boyfriend? I met the bastard yesterday. Wait a minute. Marco's phone. Girls voice that sounded familiar.

"Sasha?" I queried. The voice changed to hers. I was right.

"Dammit, how'd you know?"

"Well, now I know for sure."

"Fuck, you’re right. I mean. Who is Sasha? And by the power vested in me by the Gaylord you are forbidden to cancel Saturday! OOoohhhhaaaaaa!"

"Uh-huh. Put Marco on and tell him it’s serious."

"Uh oh. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, he won’t like that. Not at all oh no-" She was cut off by the real Marco. His voice was faint on the other end of the phone.

"There you are! Is. That my phone? Who are you calling?"

"Video store." She said flatly.

Well she wasn't totally lying.

"Video-…. Oh you didn't. Is that Jean!?"

"Shhhhh my freckled savior, he might hear you- What are you- Hey Mar-" There was silence for a moment before I heard Marco huffing into the phone. God that was hot. On a weird level.

"Hey Jean. I um. Sorry about Sasha, we just finished up and she-" I cut him off

"Who the fuck do you think you're calling Jeanie-boy?"

"Okay I can explain."

"Go." Shit I sounded harsh.

"I- Well. Okay long story short, Sasha took my phone and ran off."

Oh fuck. Why didn't I let him finish? Of course Sasha took his phone.

"Marco. I. I'm sorry I flipped out at you man. Tell Sasha to stay away from your phone and if she calls me Jeanie-boy again. I'll ban her from the video store."

Sasha's cry came from the other end of the phone.

"Nooooooo! Please Jean, I'm sorry! Don’t ban me! Marco is terrible at picking movies!"

"Okay good. Wait. How did she hear that? Am I on speaker?"

"No I'm on top of her. But yes you are on speaker. Don't worry, we're in the car park, it’s just us here."

"Well alright then that- What are you doing on top of her? I thought you were gay?"

Was this the time for a gay joke? Yes, yes it was.

"How else do you expect me to get my phone back? And I am gay, just not so gay that I won’t wrestle my female best friend to get my phone back when she stole it and texted you without me knowing."

"You wrestled her to the ground?"

"He is squashing me with his beautifully toned butt! Marco you fatty! Get off me!"

"Not till you apologize to Jeanie-. I mean Jean for calling him that name he doesn't like, as adorable as it may be."

"I shall never apologize! My will is iron! My apologies are scarce! I intend to stay that way! You shall not break me Marco-Polo." She almost whispered the last part. It was pretty scary.

"Jean will you let me out the phone on the ground for a moment to torture Sash into an apology?"

This was getting weird.

"Sure. It’s your phone."

"Awesome, won’t be a moment."

There was the light thump of a phone being placed on the ground, you know the sound. Sorta like dropping it but not really. No I am not going to explain how it exactly sounds figure it out. And then what came next was… Something. Yea, that's a good word. It was Sasha's voice that came through first. Sort of muffled. He must have out the phone pretty far away. God only knows what came next.

"What are you? Ah! No! Marco! No! Stop! Friend rape! Friend rape!"

"Apologize."

"Never! Ahhhh Marco stop it! Stop-." She gasped.

"Oh. No. You. Didn't. GET YOUR HAND OFF CHELSEA!" She screamed.

Who was Chelsea?

"That was an accident! And you brought it on yourself! Now apologize!"

"MY WILL SHALL NOT BE BROKEN!" Next came laughter. What was going on?

"Hahahaha! Marco! Stop! Marco-polo you son of a bitch, stop! Friend rape!"

What was friend rape? Was he really going to go that far for an apology? I made a mental note to myself to make him ask for an apology from me.

"Apologize." He sounded mad. Was that possible? For someone so good looking to get this mad over an apology? I mean, spose it was sort of a joke and now I wasn't that mad anymore. I should say something. Nah, this was too good.

"Stop touching me! Get off! No! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Okay, that's enough. Time for me to step in. Well, I was about to but then I heard Marco pick up the phone. The pairs voices increased in volume.

"Last chance potato girl. Or I go lower."

Okay that threw me for a loop. I heard Sasha's heavy breathing. Panting I think is the word. The fuck do I care, she was breathing heavy cuz she was out of breathe so yea.

"Fine! Fine! You win Marco. Jean. I'm sorry I stole Marco's phone and called you Jeanie boy and made fun of your adorable nickname."

"Uh, it. It's okay, really. To be fair I over reacted, it’s just a name. So it’s cool."

"See! I told you he would be cool with it. No can you please get off me?"

"Fine. Jean can you hang on?"

"I've waited this long haven't I?"

Fuck that was the wrong thing to say.

"Thanks."

I heard the sound of running shoes scuffing on pavement and Sasha mumble something about Chelsea. Marcos voice came back on the line.

"Hey. So. Yea, Sasha says she is sorry."

"It's really fine." I shifted my position on my bed, realizing I haven't moved in a while.

"So. Um. Yea….. What's up?"

"Uh, nothing much. Just watching some Bleach."

"Why are you watching cleaning agents?"

I felt like I had been slapped by a wet mullet. Like that add for the fishermen's friend breath mints. Except it was Marco who was the fishy assaulter. Pun not intended. Silence hung between us. He better be fucking joking, if he isn’t joking I'll hang up. I'll cancel Saturday. No I won't. That's a lie.

"I am gonna pretend I didn’t just hear that."

"No seriously though, what’s Bleach? Is that a show?"

I went silent again. How could someone so hot. With such mysterious whiskey eyes. Not know. What Bleach was?

"I'm hanging up now. Bye."

"No, no wait. We need to organize Saturday don't we?"

Bastard had me there. I really wanted to get this date thing over with. That was another lie.

"Fine. What are we doing?"

"Movie?"

"Sure, when?"

Fuck I sounded so mean. Calm down Jean, don’t fucking ruin this.

"How about Saturday night? I hear 'The fault in our stars' is really good."

"Cool. See you then I guess?"

"Uhm. Yea I guess. Cya later?"

"Yea. Bye."

I hung up. I wanted to slap myself. What the fucking fuck? What was that? I sounded so mean and I pretty much blew him off. And not in the good way. I should text him and tell him I'm sorry for sounding like such an asswipe. Christ on a bike. Why did I sound like that? He didn’t deserve that. As if on cue my phone buzzed with a message. From Marco. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was probably cancelling the date, it wouldn’t surprise me. I was a dick.

**Hey I'm really sorry about Sasha and not knowing what Bleach was. Hope you’re okay and maybe you can show me Bleach later? :)**

**-Marco**

Wow. I was the prick and he was apologizing. What is wrong with this kid? I typed in a reply.

**It’s all cool man. Yea, you might like it. Sorry I sounded like douche bag, I shouldn’t have flipped out on you and Sasha like that.**

**-Jean**

His reply was pretty much instant.

**No, no , no. Seriously, she shouldn't have teased you. I have to go so I will see you at the movie? I'll get back to you on a time :)**

**-Marco.**

**Yea, sure, see you then.**

**-Jean**

He didn't reply for a bit so he must have been gone. Hell I may as well get to bed. I had a shift with Hanji tomorrow. It was a small one. 2-7pm but still it was good. I'll bet she will want to know what happened so far. Even thought it had literally been less than a day, she would want to know all the juicy details. Of which there were none. Screw it. Oh fuck, I forgot about Bertholtd. We were supposed to marathon this Saturday. Maybe do it during the day? Wait, that means movies all day. Fuck it, I had done three days once, so one was nothing. But I better get some sleep. I closed my laptop and slid it under my bed. God forbid I step on it. I pulled the covers over me and drifted to sleep. This was okay. I felt warm.

__________________________________________________________________

Okay, next day at work and let me tell you, Hanji fucking jumped on me. Not literally but she may have. I walked in when Reiner was leaving and we chatted for a bit as I chained up my bike. Yes, I decided to ride in today. It was a nice day, get off my back. Anyway. Hanji may have well been the crazy auntie who was super pro gay and delighted in the fact that she pretty much set you up with someone. You know exactly who I am talking about, I'll bet at least five people reading this have that. Don't lie. As I walked in, Hanji slid over the counter and grabbed my shoulders. Thank goodness no one was around to see that.

"Jean! What happened? Did you exchange photos? How was it? Did you talk heaps? Have you met his family? Did you sext? You totally sexted didn’t you? Was he good? Was he better than me?"

Obviously this took me by surprise. I had my bag slung over one shoulder, and Hanji's nails digging into the other one. Her grip was fierce as my eyes were wide.

"Okay. Nothing really happened cuz I met him two days ago, not even that. No, it was nice, sorta but not really, no. No. NO. I don’t know and what?"

"You have that look in your eye, he was totally better than me." She released her vice on my shoulders and slid over the counter again. Needless to say I was lost.

"Whatever man, I'm not doing this now. It’s too early."

She lowered her glasses and her gaze followed me around the bend where I put my bag down. She was still staring at me. Smirking.

"What?"

"You know what you’re doing this Saturday with him."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" I couldn’t help myself, I put on the infamous Jean scowl. She didn't even flinch.

"You’re seeing a movie."

"How did you-"

"Divergent. No wait, 'the fault in our stars'."

"You-"

"You’re meeting him there, not picking him up."

"You're scaring me."

"In the…. Evening, borderline night but not quite."

"Okay, seriously you-…."

Realization hit me. Hanji you sneaky bitch. I'm gonna corner you and make you confess.

"You have his number."

"No I don't." She turned away. I got her on the run.

"No wait. You went through his phone."

"Nope." She grabbed a pile of DVD's and started stacking them slowly.

"You found Sasha's number. And memorized it."

"Nuh uh." She teased. She was stacking a little faster now. I was smiling now, I got her cornered.

"You texted her with your phone and she told you everything that happened last night didn't she? Cuz she was with him the whole time."

"I really don’t know what you're talking about Jeanie-boy."

This was the big moment. Play it cool Jean. Let her tell you then pounce.

I walked over to her and started sorting cases next to the pile she had. There was a moment of silence.

"Marco apparently touched Maria."

"Chelsea." She corrected. Gotcha.

"AH HA! I KNEW IT!" I pointed at her with the biggest grin I could muster.

"Oh okay, you got me." She threw the case down in disgust and rested her palms on the counter. She turned towards me.

"You're too fucking smart for your own good Kirschtien, you know that?"

I smugly and slowly started sorting again. Bathing in my glorious victory. I know it was a petty thing but just let me bathe.

"It’s a gift."

"Yea well." She covered her mouth and mumbled. It was so fast I didn’t really understand it.

Something, something says what.

"What?" I say to her.

Shit. She gasped so overdramatically I'm surprised she didn’t pass out.

"Oh my gosh, Jean! You are a gay loser who can’t dress himself and needs me to do it for him? I am shocked. Shocked and flattered. We are going shopping and we are getting you nice clothes for your date that Sasha and I pretty much made for you."

"Okay, first of all-" She cut me off. Holding a finger to my lips. I crossed my eyes and looked at it.

"No excuses. I am whippin' out the Hanji maneuver."

Dafuq ifs the hnfi mnavfr?" I muffled. Cuz, you know, she had her finger against my lips. She looked me dead in the eye from under her glasses.

"I am whippin' out the Hanji maneuver. No buts. It's done."

"But-" She threw her hands in the air and screamed. Raising her leg and nearly hitting the stack of cases.

"WABAM!"

"Hanji-"

"WABAM!" She flicked her wrists.

"But you-"

"Wabam." She whispered. We stared at each other for a moment and then I crossed my arms. She lowered her hands and leg and did the same.

I sighed. Fuck it, let’s see what she has to say.

"Alright, let’s hear it. What is the Hanji maneuver?"

She spun and started prancing around. Needles to say she looked pretty full of herself.

"I am entitled to dress you for your dates and make you look sexy. So sexy that certain freckled cute men with gorgeous eyes and muscles will do back flips at how hot you look. And I get to do your hair. And accessorize. And make you look sexy. Cuz sweetie;"

She came back over to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"You need a woman's touch."

She laughed and walked away. Okay that was mean. Surely she didn’t think I couldn’t dress myself. I mean, I am wearing clothes right? I can dress myself, it’s easy, you start with underwear and then pants, shirt, done. Simple. Methodical. Clearly she meant it as an insult however.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She stopped laughing and turned to me.

"Oh Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie. Look at yourself." She gestured to me.

"I don’t get it." I said flatly with a scowl.

"Okay, honey, I have seen you in casual clothes and trust me, the whole homeless hipster thing you have going with the battered jeans, old shirts, beat up runners and a hoodie. Seriously, we are getting you fancy clothes. Plus, it'll give you something nice to wear to the party." She was grinning wildly.

I was silent for a moment. Homeless hipster look? That hurt. I quite like my sense of style thank you very much. But to be fair, she had a very fucking valid point. I didn’t have any fancy clothes. Not that I needed them of course. I didn't see the point. Clothes were clothes, as long as you think you look good, screw everyone else. But seriously, I see where she was coming from. Damn my mixed feelings towards the matter. I was silent for a moment longer before smooshing my mouth to one side and saying. Firmly might I add;

"Fine."

 She jumped up and down and squealed with delight. Clapping her hands. It was like a six year old impatiently awaiting their mother to say they could get one, fucking one, item of candy when she went shopping. Don't deny it, we all did it.

"Yay! Ohmigosh, I am gonna make you look so hot you'll pull more than just Marco, you might get a girls number." She slapped my arm playfully as she bent over laughing. My mouth slightly agape. That was just rude, hell I could get a girls number easy.

"Alright then, next girl that walks in, I'll get her number, just to prove you wrong!"

I was a bit mad now. She composed herself and took a few deep breathes. Seriously, It wasn't that funny, c'mon.

"Oh, alright then tough guy, next girl, you’re on." She stuck out her hand and I shook it.

We chatted for a bit, somehow drifting onto Hanji's titan theories again. I suppose she did make some valid points. Then something weird happened. Well, not super weird but still. The most beautiful girl I had ever seen walked in. She was short, long blonde hair that cupped her face perfectly, big blue eyes that were full of innocence, stout body. Average build. She. Was. Gorgeous. If I didn't bat for the other team I would have asked her out then and there. She walked past Hanji and I with a gleeful, 'Hi' and a little wave and made her way to the back of the store. Hanji let out a low quiet whistle.

"Wow man." She breathed.

"I know." I agreed with her.

"Well, go for it." I snapped out of my daze from staring at this Goddess.

"What?" She folded her arms and grinned.

"Go get her number tiger, you said, next girl that walks in. Well. She's a girl. She walked in. Now go."

 She pointed towards the blonde squatting and glancing at movies. I'm not gonna argue, she'd throw me out the goddamn window if I backed out if this now. I swallowed my pride and a hell of a lot of nervousness because c'mon, who wouldn’t be nervous in the presence of such a beautiful person?

"Alright I will." I said proudly. I tilted my chin up in a 'Fuck yea, I'm so awesome, I'm gonna do it' sort of way and strode off towards her. I tried to look cool and manly, but apparently I was doing it wrong cuz I heard Hanji mumble;

"He's fucking screwed."

Whatever, I was getting this girls number, just to prove her wrong. I kept up the cool guy look. And reached the girl. She stood up as I approached but didn’t look at me. I stuck my hands in my pockets and tried to look suave. It didn't work, Lemmie tell you now, if you wanna look sophisticated, keep your hands out of your pants. It's not suave.

"Hey there." I smirked like a fuckwit.

"Hey." She said it plainly but still somehow light hearted. Wow, I was not okay with this.

"Need any help?" I kept the smirk, I must have looked like a moron. Or a stalker. Something creepy, standing over her with my hands in my pockets, smiling like this. She turned to me and smiled, it was amazing.

"No thank you, I'm all good." She chirped.

_Well this was going absolutely fucking brilliantly. Fuck it all, make like Elsa and let it go Jean. Just ask her out._

"Um. Okay then, but um. You are- Well- I just." I was stumbling over my words.

Now she was looking at me like I was crazy.

"Is there something wrong?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Um. No it's just. You're really beautiful, like. Wow."

_'Like wow' Jean you lady killer, it's surprising why the ladies don’t flock to you._

"Thanks. I think." She laughed and stood up. It was something else, light and angel like. It was like fairy bells or something. Okay, I was falling for this chick and I didn’t even know her name. Nor was I playing for her team. Oh fuck, her name.

"Oh, right, um, I'm Jean." I stuck my hand out so fast I nearly hit her, she moved back a bit and then looked at her hand and then at me. Twice and shook my hand with a smile. Her hands were like silk.

"My name's Krista. But everyone calls me Historia. Pleasure to make your aquatints Jean."

_Fuck me, she was so polite and formal as well._

"Yea, you too." We let go of each other's hands.

"So. Um. Would it be okay if I got your number? I mean, if that's okay. Because, you are drop dead gorgeous and I would love to… Be friends and stuff with you and like… Yea.

_'And like yea.' Fuck me. God have mercy on me please._

Her eyes went wide and she buried her face in her hands. And she started…. Laughing? Why was she laughing? Was I really that pathetic? Okay maybe I wasn't the smoothest I could have been but really now. She looked up from between her hands. I barely heard what she said.

"I'm so sorry Jean, I'm actually seeing someone."

My stomach dropped.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. It’s just. You- and. Yea. I'm making this worse. Um, I'll leave you to the movies. Just come and see me or my co-worker when you're done." I offered her a cheesy smile and she said 'thank you' and wiped her face. Really now. I wasn't that bad was I? Whatever, I was so embarrassed I briskly ran back over to Hanji. But not before I noticed she was looking through the horror section. She was leaning against the counter. One arm slug by her side, the other inspecting her nails. She looked up at me when I came over. Bright red in the face.

"Soooo. How did it- Jesus Christ Jean, you’re a boiled lobster. What did she get too hot for you?" She put on a shit eating grin. It was damn good as well. Like that grin when you know you lost a bet with someone and the other person knows it as well and just swims in victory.

"No. She. She is with someone. So I dropped it."

"Oh okay, Mr. I can totally get the number of the next girl that walks in cuz I'm so cool."

"Shut up. As if you were surprised she was with someone, I mean seriously look at her."

"True, she is quite the looker. Ah well, better luck next time Jeanie-boy." There it was again. That pet name. God I hated it. Wasn't so bad when it was mum  or Hanji. Or even Marco. Okay it wasn't that bad at all. I'm just trying to distract myself from what just happened. It was only a moment before the girl I now knew as Krista came over with a couple of DVD's. Hanji took them and did the whole, anything else routine. She said no thank you and smiled politely but Hanji pressed on. She had that look in her eye.

"Sorry about my stupid Jean here." She jerked her thumb in my direction.

"He didn’t mean to make such a fool of himself. Quite a set you've got here."

_She was referring to the DVD's you perverts. She listed them._

"Friday the thirteenth, Texas chainsaw massacre, the ABC'S of death, Chucky. Damn girl. You got good taste."

Krista. Or Historia smiled and said.

"Thanks, I'm hoping to get through them with my partner. We're gonna have a scary movie night. Ooohhhhh!"

She waved her hands about in a _horrific_ manner. Hanji nodded and said;

"Cool. Jean mentioned you were with someone. What's his name?"

"Ymir."

Hanji nodded again.

"Awesome name, is he cute?" Krista just chuckled and said.

"Yea, she is."

I nearly dropped the case I was holding and Hanji went stone faced.

"I'm sorry what was his name again?" Hanji leant forward.

" _Her_ name is Ymir. She's my _girlfriend_."

That, that just hit me. I mean obviously I didn't have anything against girls liking other girls. I mean, I was a guy who liked guys and yea and…. Yea. Hanji leant back and thought for a minute. I realized I was staring.

"Is something wrong?" Asked Krista.

"Oh  no. NO, no, no, sweetie no. I am so sorry I shouldn't have just assumed. I mean Jean here. Well, he shouldn't have either, I am so sorry." She was tripping over her words and babbling but she held the face of stone.

"It’s okay, really, a lot of people are usually surprised when they find out so, it's cool." She shook her head and waved her hands. Hanji apologized some more before handing over her collection of horror and gore galore, before apologizing again when she left. There was an air of awkwardness about us for a moment as we just stared at each other. Hanji's face started to crack with a smile and she said;

"So Jean-"

"Not. One. Word. Or I throw you through the window."

"How do you feel right n-"

"Stop it."

"One joke-"

"No."

"C'mon ju-"

"No." I said it firmly and scowled again.

"Fine, fine."

 She clicked on random things on the computer for while as I organized the counter. She mumbled.

"I guess you could say that your chances with her are-"

"I swear to god, if you finish that pun-"

_"Historia."_

Fuck me sideways with a denim condom. She fucking didn't. She did. She fuckin did. I slammed down the stapler I apparently had in my hand (don’t question it, just roll with it) as Hanji, literally, fell on the floor from laughing so hard. It was gonna be a long night.

____________________________________________________________

Okay so here we are at Friday, lucky me I had the morning shift. And a short one at that, 8-10am. Oh well. It was Friday. The day before Marco and I's date. Gotta say I was looking forward to it. Oh right the depression thing. I had actually been doing pretty well lately. Now I know what you’re thinking.

 _"But Jean what about all that shit with the boat and anchors and storms and monsters and darkness and all that other awesomely creative shit you wrote? You think all that goes away just cuz some stud comes into your life? If so, that’s so cliché, I can’t believe you._ "

Well, listen here you little shit, this is only chapter three so that means there is more to come. And I know that shit doesn’t just come one day and is gone the next so shut up and listen. No, it is not because of the date I had with Marco that I was feeling so good. Hell, I still felt it, lingering around me , like a shadow. But it just wasn't here right now, y'know? It’s like…. You know what, screw it, you should be happy that I'm happy. But as I said, things just aren’t that easy. So if you're here just to watch me squirm and fight with myself then you better stop reading now or skip a few chapters. Don’t worry the chapter title will be obvious. Back to Friday. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by your thoughts on the matter, not cool by the way. I had the morning shift and as such had the afternoon and night free. And then there was the RDO (Roster day off) tomorrow on Saturday so I wouldn’t be back here till Sunday. Yay. Not that I minded at all. It was great working here. Anyway, I say that too much as well.

Let’s go to 2pm. The time when Hanji finished her shift and packed a change of clothes. And a toothbrush. And deodorant. And I'm surprised she didn't fucking Mary Poppin's a shower seriously, she said to meet her at work when she finished so we could go clothes shopping and boy was that an experience. Let's watch. Oh also, apparently I was driving. I pulled up outside of work wearing a red shirt, my dark gray hoodie, jeans (Say it and I will end you) and my regular runners. And of course she wasn't dressed great either but still managed to pull it off. She wore her hair up and was in a blue band shirt of the Arctic Monkeys. White jeans and converse. She had her handbag slung over her shoulder.

I pulled up and she jumped straight in with a huge smile. She smelled of roses.

"Hey Jeanie-boy." She said brightly.

"Ready to be sexy?"

She waggled her eyebrows at me and leant over. Honestly I backed away a bit and looked her over and shook my head as I pulled back out of the parking space. Turning my head to check behind me as I nearly hit some idiot flying though. By the looks of it, he just came out of the bottle store. Holding a silver can that was definitely not a _soft_ drink. Fucking moron, one can only hope he got home safely and without the cops seeing him. I wasn't a fan of drink driving. Even if you did have your full license, it just slows down your brain. Side message, don’t fucking drink and drive. It’s too risky an fucking illegal for a reason. Be responsible. Back to Hanji.

"Well, Jeanie-boy? Are you ready to look sexy or what? Oh and your welcome by the way."

"Yea, whatever. Just know I'm only doing this to make you happy and I do need some good formalish clothes. So don’t go overboard. Okay?" I begged her pretty much.

 I turned momentarily to look at her but she just muttered a 'Mmhmmm' and 'whatever you say Jean' and stared out the front of the car, watching the traffic pass by. We sat in silence for a moment before it started to get to me. That and the overpowering scent of synthetic roses so I wound down my window and Hanji put the radio on. It was only a 20 minute drive on the highway to the fairly large shopping complex that was in the next town over but oh my gosh, it was like looking after a child. I was quiet most of the time because I didn't really have much to talk about and Hanji is my friend and all, don't get me wrong but. Yea. That's enough said.

When she turned on the radio, she surfed through every station known to man before settling on one for a moment then turning it off. Then she started to whistle a tune to some song I didn’t recognize. When we passed an ice-cream store she begged me to stop and I said no so she sunk into her chair and sulked about it. Then we passed a hitchhiker and she said we should pick him up. I tried to explain to her why that was dangerous but she just called me a Eenie-weenie-Jeanie-boy-ini. For a while, she started chanting it. Why I was letting her dress me I have no idea. Then in the last leg on the highway she pulled out a cord from her handbag and plugged it into the cigarette lighter port thingy. I don’t know what it is officially called okay? Don’t judge me. Anyway, turns out it was a radio thing that allowed her to play music from her iPod through the car radio. Useful bloody thing, I made a mental note to ask her where she got it.

So she put on 'The Arctic Monkeys - AM' on. It was the full album, which was awesome cuz the arctic monkeys were actually pretty good. Well, to Hanji and I anyway. It was fun when we started singing along towards the end of 'Do I wanna know' I was doing the main and she was doing the backup voices. You know how singers do that right? The lead will sing some lyrics and the others will sing some others in the background? Anyway, she was the support and I was the main so yea.

"To busy being yours to fall." I sang.

_"Sad to see you go."_

"Ever thought of calling darling?"

We finished that song and then 'R u mine' came on. She belted out the lyrics at a pace that said she had listened to this more than once. Not surprising, cuz you know, her shirt. I drummed along to the beat and we reached the store. I drove into the underground parking as 'One for the road' started up. She quickly unplugged her phone, threw it in her bag, practically ran around to the driver's side and yanked me out of my seat before I had the chance to grab my wallet. I managed however, shoving it and my keys into my pockets before locking the car. She was literally dragging me around from store to store and just our luck, most places were having a sale. I think it was close to end of financial year this time around so that would explain why most places were having a 50-70% off sale on a lot of merchandise.

She dragged to me to some store that had some fancy looking shit and would have had a fancy price tag as well but you know, sale. Two shirts for $40. Not bad considering one by itself was $35. Go Hanji. She sat me down in the change rooms and said;

"Wait here. Don’t move. I'll be back."

Then disappeared and came back with two shirts. Both in the same design. Straight horizontal lines ran across it and one was dark blue, the other a dark red. It was sort of a v-neck with buttons if that makes sense. Guess we were going for dark colors. She hoisted me up and said fiercely

"Try these on. Go." And then shoved me into the changer room. Slamming the door behind me. It happened so fast, when I saw my reflection in the body length  mirror I blinked and didn’t realize it was me. But I whipped off my jumper and shirt and tried on the dark red. It actually went good with the jeans I guess.

"Are you done in there?!" She practically screamed. I just opened the door and she gave me a once over.

"Not bad, not bad. If you were a little taller and older I’d go for you."

"Gee thanks." I said flatly with a smirk. She waved a hand at me and laughed as she said;

"Oh don’t worry, I'm only joking."

_Okay that hurt a little. I still felt bad about Krista/Historia._

_"GEE THANKS."_  I said firmly.

"That's okay. Now the blue one….. Wear that with your black jeans. It goes together. Okay, we’re getting those. And I'll pay half." She smiled.

"Wow, thanks Hanji."

"No problem, gotta make sure my little Jean boy gets at least some freckled di-" I cut her off. I was not having her be herself in public.

"Stop. Right. There. Dude. Just. No." She burst into hysterics and slapped her knee.

"Oh come on, you wouldn’t have this if it wasn't for me."

That was true. She made me hand back the two shirts and placed them on the chair before running off again saying she had an idea. She came back momentarily to me leaning against the door frame. She was holding a smooth, black button up with the sleeves rolled to the elbows Apparently red was my color or something. Whatever, you don't question your lady friend when she gives you clothes and she says they look good on you. I wasn't trying to be sexist or anything it's just ladies tended to have a better fashion sense than men. And she did say I needed 'a woman's touch'. I'm babbling again. She thrusted it into my chest and the coat hanger nearly hit me in the Adams apple.

"Go." She said with a toothy grin.

I did as she instructed and slipped it on. I looked at myself in the mirror. Not bad actually. It made my shoulders look broad, flattered my stomach and chest. The elbows were  bit tight but hell, nothing's perfect.

"Do I button all the way or leave the top one?" I called out to her as I fiddled with the sleeves.

"All the way, oh my god, please all the way."

"Well someone's excited." I teased as I fiddled with the top button and smoothed out the shirt. Walking out, Hanji looked like she had been slapped with a sock full of butter.

"Oh. My. God."

"What?" I asked worriedly.

"Excuse me very handsome sir, have you seen my friend Jean around? Terrible taste in clothing and mildly annoying at times? Two toned hair, much like yours."

She better be fucking joking. Although I did look fucking amazing in this. Not to sound narcissistic or anything.

"Yea, he went that way with all his respect for you."

She put a hand on her hips.

"Why thank you handsome man, I'll be sure to get that back when he fails on his date with the freckled Jesus."

"Okay too far."

"Don’t fuck with me Jean, you look amazing right now. Now I just need to do something with your hair and we'll be all set."

My hair was fine thank you very much Hanji. Although it was getting a bit long. I should probably cut it. Or try a new style or something. It’s pretty funny, every hairdresser I've been to doesn’t believe that my hair is naturally like this. I usually just shrug and say whatever when they ask me what hair dye I use and how I did it. Please. You don’t get hair this good with dye.

Hanji and I eventually left the store after buying those three shirts and a tie that she insisted just brought out my eyes. She dragged me to another place with some weird French name and the checkout lady that worked there jumped at the opportunity to dress me for what Hanji called, the date with freckles. I dare say she was more enthusiastic when she told the lady I was gonna go out with a guy. Which was fine on both accounts. I finally realized I don’t have the ability to make myself look presentable by Hanji's standards and I wasn't gonna turn away help like this when it was given to me. No matter how much the checkout lady fawned over me and dressed me in about five different outfits.

Which again was okay, nothing against it. But I couldn’t help but feel like a life sized Ken doll, from that Barbie thing. I am really juxtaposing myself here, let’s move on. So after about an hour in that place, where we didn’t buy anything because the price tag was more than everything else we bought that day, including food. So we settled on the collared black button up top with the sleeves rolled to the elbows. And a red tie because apparently, red and black went good together. Again, no argument. Hanji knew what she was talking about because things went okay. Well, more than okay. But more on that later. I know, I know, I'm a fucking tease. Just shut up and pay attention to the story alright? Fuck. And don’t act like you aren’t getting pissed off and annoyed and all that jive, you know who you fucking are.

So, Saturday was a ride as I was saying, so let’s just fast forward to that shall we? And no, this isn’t what I do because I don’t want to write in every petty detail of my life despite that’s probably what most people do when they write these things but since you pretty much begged me I'll give you a run through.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Bertie came over in the morning at the godforsaken hour of 9am, laptop in one bag  and another filled with food that wasn't quite free of copious amounts of sugar and god knows what, but hell, treat yourself am I right? But since it was this horrid hour in the morning, he just set up in the lounge room while I got showered and put myself into what was a barely awake, caffeine induced, college student zombie. So a teenager up at fucking 9am, c'mon Bert, seriously, you must not be human or something to be such a go happy, morning person. God damn adorable fucking giant. I'm ranting. We blitzed through about 4 movies when it came round to 3 o'clock I got a text from Marco-polo. (Yes, that was his contact name and yes I did forget about tonight, surprisingly. Give me a break, I'm allowed to have other friends.) But oh boy did I feel bad. I think we ate a little too much junk.

I was on my seventh can of Pepsi and Bert was only his fourth. Fuckin' amateur. And the floor was littered wrappers and discarded packs of Reece's peanut butter cups. Bless the inventor of those things. We had more but honestly I couldn’t be fucked to list all the shit we ate, drank and watched. Now, my phone. Reaching across the candy kingdom that had been demolished by us, I found it buried half under a pack of M&M's. Sliding it unlocked I read the message.

**From:**

**Marco-Polo**

**Hey dude :) sorry it’s such late notice but I found a session of the movie on at 6:30. Did you want to meet up and grab dinner before hand? :)**

Good god, the man used that blasted smiley emoticon too much. Nearly every message he used it. Granted it had only been, like, what, three days that I had known him? I am not gonna go back and check, I'm lazy okay? I realized what that meant though. I had forgotten to tell Bertie about it. When I did though he said it was cool and said I should get out there and have fun. God, I love that boy. Platonically of course, he was just always so caring and understanding and selfless. He always wanted to help people and always put others before himself. At a party he was everyone's designated everything. I'm getting off topic and making this sound more like I was falling for Bertie. I wasn't. But I wasn't falling for Marco either. Sure he was hot and seemed nice but I hadn’t actually been on the date with him yet. Which was tonight. In a few hours. Christ on a salt reduced cracker I was fucking nervous.

Off topic again, damn it. Bert left around 5 after we watched one more movie and I helped him clean up of course. And because my mum told me to. I would have anyway. But hell, you don’t argue with mum when she asked you to clean something. You just don’t. Eventually I remembered I had to text Marco back.

**To:**

**Marco-Polo**

**Hey dude, yea that sounds great, what time did you want to meet up?**

**From:**

**Marco-Polo.**

**Um, how about 6pm? That gives us an hour to do whatever before the movie :)**

Wait, it was pretty much ten past five now. That only left roughly fifty minutes to get showered, again, changed, make myself look presentable in the clothes Hanji got me. Snapchat Hanji to see if she approved, yes that was necessary and not just because she told me if I didn't she would never dress me again and I would be left to fend for myself if this thing with freckles actually took off. Quote, unquote. I had forty-nine minutes now. Fuck. I texted him back as fast as I could. With surprising accuracy.

**To:**

**Marco-Polo**

**Sounds great, I'll meet you at the cinema.**

**From:**

**Marco-Polo**

**Awesome, see you there at 6 Jean :)**

He used my name. Cool. Not many people do that in a text unless they're screaming at you. In my experience anyway. I didn’t bother replying. Forty-eight minutes. Needles to say I bolted to my room, ripped the new clothes off the hanger, had the quickest shower by my timing, and pretty much scrubbed my skin off with the towel and eventually settled for blow drying the rest of my body after I did my hair. It was so much easier and warmer. And the weather outside was chilly. Not too bad so I probably wouldn't need a jumper but I packed one anyway. I put in my camera as well and wallet, phone, my favorite red beanie. bla, bla, you know the drill. I was taking my bag because I didn’t want to stuff my pockets. My thighs were large enough without my phone and wallet making em bigger. I'm kidding chill out.

I packed my bag and then realized that it was 5:30 and I was still wrapped in my towel. Fuck. I ran back into the bathroom where my sexy clothes awaited and whipped em on. Nearly tripping over my blue jeans legs. Stupid fucking things were gonna make me late. I fell over on my back with one leg in the air. I knew it.

"Shit!" I screamed.

Dad was out of town on a business trip for three days so he wasn't here. Yes I know I should have told you this before but I didn't think it was needed. And mum went out with friends for the night. As I got up I recalled that I hadn't told her about tonight. Fuck it, I'll leave a note. Even though a text was much better and easier. Twenty-nine minutes. I needed to leave _now._ I threw on my shirt, ~~deodorant,~~ cologne, that Hanji got me yesterday claiming it made me smell 'Intoxicatingly manly', fixed my hair and did the buttons up before pulling on my runners. I decided against a belt, cuz I didn't really need it. I. I actually looked really good. I made a mental note to thank Hanji while I was admiring myself and her work in front of the mirror. Twenty-five minutes. Fuck me sideways. I needed to go. _Pull it together Jean and move your ass._

 Shit, I needed to Snapchat Hanji. I ran down to my room and slipped my phone out of my bag. I opened my (walk in) wardrobe door and positioned myself in front of the full body mirror. Posed would be a better word. And sent a pic to Hanji. She replied almost instantly with a photo of herself. She was in her house by the looks of it. Sitting on the lounge. She had her hair down and wore a gray shirt. She must be having a night in. She was smiling with a thumbs up captioned 'Oh my god, I'm a miracle worker. I replied with a selfie of my eyes crossed and my tongue sticking out of an open mouthed grin. I captioned it 'Still pretty, Hanji?'

She sent through one of her own where she had her glasses on her nose, giving me that trademark Hanji glare, smirking.

  _'Don't test me boy. Fix your hair though.'_

I absentmindedly ran a hand through it. And asked her what I should do. She said to sweep it back. Oh hell naw. My forehead was big enough without showing it to the world. I said no and she just sent a pic of her thumbs down captioned 'Boo, you whore.' I replied with another selfie of me screaming;

_'You can’t sit with us.'_

It was at this time I had only twenty minutes left. Fuck responding to Hanji's mean girl reference. I needed to fucking go. Even it was only a fifteen minute drive. I still had to get there, find parking, hopefully close to the cinema and then get to the actual place. God forbid if there was traffic. I pocketed my phone, grabbed my bag, zipped that up after one final check I had everything, checked my hair one last time, straightened my shirt, ran out the door, locked it, jumped in my car and sped off. I was not gonna be late for our first date.

______________________________________________________________________________

I was fucking late for my fucking date. I didn’t get there till 6:10pm and that was only because of a few reasons. One, there was traffic. At six o'clock. On a Saturday. And then parking was impossible. And then this douche canoe decided to take up pretty much two spaces while he had a cigarette outside the entryway. And his mate who could walk just fine pulled into a disabled spot and had a cigarette with him. Then this stupid bastard going the wrong way on a one way, one lane, not fucking wide enough for two fucking cars, nearly ran into me. Fuckwit. I slammed on the brakes and the car horn with equal pressure and he yelled something at me which I didn’t quite catch cuz I was too busy nearly ramming past him and trying to get off the godforsaken road. And eventually I had to park over in the huge space reserved for staff parking and overflow during Christmas, but of course no staff actually parked there cuz it was a fucking league away from the actual complex. And it was a fairly large complex.

And I would have parked on the street except that all the streets were main roads and trust me there was no room to park on the side and I was just not in the mood to get a ticket right now, or have my car towed or worse, some bastard run up the side and scrape it. So after I went into the 'staff' parking, and remembered that the movie theatre is literally on the other side of the fucking place, I decide to take a short cut. I ran up the hill, across the road, through the roundabout, went into the loading dock area, rounded a corner, dove through the garden, jumped the chain link fence that was more than slightly taller than me, it was an impressive jump and I mean I sorta jumped onto it, climbed and then jumped down the other side and landed on my feet. Which was impressive. Ended up in the outdoor seating of the food court, ran through the giant glass doors, legged it literally straight through the circle of the food court, nearly hitting a lady with a baby pram on my barrage and letting loose a string of apologies.

Eventually I made it to the glass doors on the other side that lead to the outside of the area known as 'The hive'. It was a two story place, like, this area had been built on a hill so I should have mentioned that before, but on the top floor there were restaurants and cafes and some downstairs as well but also a gym, an arcade and an area known as the bus hub because that's where all the buses went. I don’t know it’s hard to describe so just imagine it as best you can. I'm sorry. So I had to wait a whole two, that’s right, fuckin' count em, two seconds before the door actually decided to open and I slipped through and stood at the top of the balcony to catch my breath. Jesus, that was intense. Course Marco probably would have made it fine the way he must work out at that fucking dance place. Speaking of well toned freckled boys. There he was at the other end of the courtyard. Outside the movie theatre.

He looked good. Like, real good. He also wore a button up, dark red, sleeves also rolled up to the elbows, black jeans that fit him so fucking well, oh my god. And….. Pointy elf shoes. Pointy dress shoes actually, he didn't have the bells. Oh my god, why was he wearing pointy shoes, they must be so uncomfortable. Poor bastard. Wait. He was wearing the same as me pretty much. Bastard. Okay. Shit he was turning his head. I ducked down under the fence that obviously ran across the balcony, overhang thing and looked at him through the small holes. It wasn't easy to see through them but I saw him pull out his phone. Oh shit he was gonna text me wasn't he?

Sure enough my phone buzzed with a message. I swung my bag round in front of me, unzipped it, fished out my phone and then unlocked it. New message from Marco.

**From:**

**Marco-Polo**

**Dude, where are you?**

God dammit. He was wondering where I was. He was also wearing the same thing as me almost. But I am not gonna go change no way. No time. Think Jean. Wait, that's it. I unbuttoned the top button and rolled down the sleeves but I buttoned up the cuffs. Looking more sexy than sophisticated. Well, sorta both. But it was like the opposite of what Marco was doing so it worked. I smoothed out my shirt, sent him a text and stood up. The text read, 'Look up.'

He did and he spotted me almost instantly, his face lit the fuck up when he saw me, that adorable toothy smile of his. Brilliantly white. I returned the smile and waved. Bag slung over one shoulder and one arm holding it so I looked awesome. Awesome and sexy. Two things I am usually not. He pressed something on his phone and put it to his ear. My phone started to ring. The chorus of 30 seconds to Mars, closer to the edge. I pressed the answer key without taking my eyes off Marco and his voice came through.

"Are you coming down or do you want me to come up?" He said lightly.

"Well, are we grabbin dinner first or did you want to buy movie tickets?"

"I'd say movie tickets, cuz then we don't have to worry about not, not getting any."

"I hope I won’t be getting any it's only the first date." I grinned down at him wolfishly.

"What do you mean by th-" He stopped mid sentence and hung his mouth open in an 'o' and his face flushed red.

" _Oh my God, Jean."_ He breathed into the phone. He put his head in his hand and shook it.

"Do you want to get dinner or the movie tickets first?" He laughed. Looking up at me again. With that smile, still slightly red.

"Let's get the tickets. Be down in a sec."

"Okay." He said. I hung up and put my phone in my pants, walking down the stairs to my right. I was still grinning like a goof when I reached him. He stood up and extended his hand. A handshake huh? I must say I was expecting a bit more but okay. I shook his hand and we started talking.

"Soooo." I said to him.

"How you been?" I smiled goofily trying to break the ice. I mean it had probably already been broken with my joke. Smart thinking Jean, mental pat on the back. But boy was I nervous. I was screaming internally. Alright Kirschtien, just breathe. He is a person. Like you. He seems mildly interested in you. His friend invited you to a party. You bought new clothes for him for fucks sake, just chill out and let’s do this. He put his hand behind his neck and looked down. He grinned nervously.

"Well, we had the big day at dance yesterday so, my everything is sore but I'm alright." He dropped his hand and beamed. Alright Jean, time to make conversation, just like we practiced. We didn't practice. FUCK! Just ask him what he did.

"Oh yea, I remember Sasha saying something about that the other night, what exactly do you do on Fridays?"

He looked down and shook his head. Blowing wind out his mouth in a low whistle.

"Well." He started. Oh boy, this was gonna be long, I better sit down. No wait, I'll politely interrupt him.

"Should I sit down for this or should we walk and talk?" He looked up at me smiling slightly. What was with this dude and his smile, did he ever stop? I suppose he did last time in the phone. I don’t mean a moment ago I mean when he had that fight thing with Sasha. I should ask him about that too. I was really curious what happened.

"Let's walk and talk." He gestured towards the doors and we did so. He had his hands in his pockets and I had mine hanging onto my bag straps. I looked at him the entire time while he kept his gaze on the ground, looking up periodically to make sure he didn't hit someone.

"Well, we start at nine in the morning, get hurled into a quick warm up run of ten kilometers, which is just a few times round the block then we hit the gym for an hour and into tap dancing, then contemporary dance  so that's like three hours right there, then there is ballet on top of that, a thirty minute break, and by this time it's about one in the afternoon. Then comes stage makeup for about forty minutes, then I have advanced tumbling with Sasha and acrobatics after that so it's about five thirty before we get another thirty minute break then we have more acrobatics then comes modern dance, more tumbling and then gymnastics straight after, another hour and a half at the gym then the last thirty minutes is stretching. So we literally don’t even come close to finishing till about 9pm which is when we are scheduled to finish anyway."

 We reached the queue for tickets and food and stuff and there were about seven people in front of us. He looked at me and smiled as we stopped walking. He blinked when he saw me staring at him with absolute disbelief on my face. There was no way to describe it. So I just said;

"Are you okay?"

That earned a laugh and a 'Yea, Jean, I'm fine I've been doing it for months now.' As I still stared in disbelief. No wonder the bastard had more muscles than a seafood platter. He spent more time at the gym than Reiner. And that was saying something. Not that that was a bad thing of course, I mean, just look at him. All that work paid off very nicely. Very nicely indeed. A little too nice. Don’t fuck this up Jean. Shit he was staring. I was staring. Those beautiful whiskey eyes, complimented against the chocolate that dotted his face. I found my eyes drawing down his body, streaming down his neck, grazing across his broad shoulders, lower, to his chest that was fitted perfectly by the shirt, muscles bulging slightly beneath it. Lower to his stomach, I swear I could see the fucking eight pack that was going on, once again the shirt wrapping it , making dark lines of stomach muscles stand out against the deep ruby red. Lower to the hem of his jeans, or where it would be if the shirt didn't come just past his waist. Lower to his legs, that the jeans slid gracefully around emphasizing even more muscle. He wasn't enormous like Reiner, but he certainly had a lot going on. We were snapped out of the haze by the cashier chick. A young girl, probably only in her early twenties. Twenty three at most. Short black hair. Green eyes. She waved at us. Everyone else had been served and gone. Wow, was it that long?

"Um. Excuse me guys? You ready or you just gonna keep eye-fucking each other?" She humored. It was Marco that raised his head and answered first.

"Huh? Oh right." He laughed yet again and approached. I followed suit also snapping out of it. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. Focus Jean, know him, not his body. Not yet.

"Um. Two to the fault in our stars please."

"Is that all? No food or drinks?" She raised an eyebrow as Marco pulled out his wallet.

"No thank you." He smiled curtly.

"Okay sweetie. You know, between you and me, the food here is waaay overpriced, just go to the shops and grab some junk there. Oh and grab a box of tissues. $20 please.

Marco pulled out a twenty and stopped halfway.

"Wait, shouldn't it be more? I mean, that's like the stu-"

"Shhh." She urged with a smirk. She looked around to make sure there was no one else before she continued.

"You and your boyfriend have fun. Student discount. Repay me by enjoying the movie." She winked.

"Thank you. But he's not my boyfriend." Marco whispered. The girl nodded with a smile and simply whispered back;

"No, but he might be soon." She took the money out of Marco's hand and placed two tickets in return. She winked again and shooed us away. We walked away with tow tickets and a baffled look on my face as Marco handed me a slip of paper. It was a ticket. I just remembered I didn't ask the cashier for one. So that means.

I stopped in my tracks. And Marco stopped as well and asked me;

"What is it Jean?" He tilted his head to the side slightly.

"Did you just pay for me?" He just nodded and placed the ticket in my hand.

"You're buying me dinner."

He laughed again and walked towards the doors. The sensor slid open the dual glass walls as he approached. He stopped just outside. Smiling again.

"You coming Jean?" He stuck his hands in his pockets and tilted his head again. Dammit he was cute. I shook my head and said.

"Yea. Let's go." I jogged to the door and followed him out into the cool night air. Man not even five minutes with this kid and I already get lost in his body and a free movie. I hope this thing went somewhere. Because so far, he was fucking great.

____________________________________________________________________________________

 

We walked around the bottom area for a bit not really talking before we decided to grab Mexican at the place on the second floor. It was in between a  book store and an elevator to the lower area. Not a bad joint and sort of recent. We waited awkwardly in line for a few minutes before we were served. I know this doesn't seem interesting right now but what followed I found pretty funny. So were got up to the thing where they make your food, the counter, service station, taco/burrito assembly line…. Thing. And Marco had the fucking nerve to pick the most expensive item on the menu. And then some.

"Can I get the foot long burrito with everything on it, a side of chocolate dipped churro's, (like unconnected donut things. I just called them donut sticks) double the cheese, add beans, and also a large margarita, with three shots of tequila and one of those big ass tacos also with everything on it."

He smiled as the servers and mine jaws dropped. What the actual fuck dancer boy. I knew he must have to eat a lot but dam son. The server dude, a guy with stretchers in both ears, small ones, not large enough to fit a padlock through, and a lip piercing with long dark brown hair and greenish eyes just stared. With a smug look. He looked at me, then at Marco, then at me again.

"Is he joking?" He pointed at Marco.

Without taking my eyes off  the freckled bastard, even when he turned to beam at me, I calmly replied;

"He fucking better be if he expects me to pay."

Marco's smile faded.

"But you said you would shout me dinner." He pouted.

"Okay, one, I never agreed to that, you just said it as you walked out of the cinema, two, what the actual fuck man, you better be joking, and the margarita? Getting blitzed on the first date? Really? And three, I'll only pay for you if it's equal in value to the movie ticket. Ten bucks freckles. Use it wisely." I turned to the menu above our heads.

The burrito dude was just laughing by this point. A smile broke across my face as Marco (Adorable bastard) just pouted some more.

"Why only ten dollars?" He widened his eyes and looked like a puppy. A fucking puppy man, he had his bottom lip out as well. Why was he here? Why was I here? How did I get here? Have I truly agreed to go out with a six year old ion the body of a nineteen year old?

"Equivalent exchange bro, ever heard of it?  To obtain something, something of equal value must be sacrificed?"

He stopped pouting and just stared at me. With those brown saucers for eyes. God he was gorgeous. Those fucking eyes hid something though. I was gonna find out what. I'm getting off topic again, back to the 'Marco not getting my reference cuz he isn’t a huge nerd like me' part of the story. So I was just staring at him right? He didn’t get the reference. I wanted to smack him. Hard. Really hard. I swear I could feel my hand twitching. I turned to the taco dude (I know that's the third time I changed his name, deal with it.) and said to him;

"Two regular burritos please." I walked away from Marco and started making my Mexican splendor. But not before I heard him whisper.

"Spoil sport. Where's your Spanish spirit?"

I just ignored it. Seriously what was with him? Anyway, we eventually got our food and went outside and found a table. We sat at the edge of the balcony thing, he was facing me and I was looking towards the cinematic landscape behind him. Pun intended. I ripped into the beautiful creation that was my burrito and he just stared at his for a short while. Looking… Disappointed. He probably would have kept doing it if I didn’t talk to him around a mouthful of guacamole.

"Whfs wrong? Eaft ift bfro."

He raised his head.

"I'm just a little pissed that you didn't let me get what I wanted."

_Was he fucking serious. If he was I was leaving. Right the fuck now._

I swallowed the spiced avocado and blinked. I was honestly taken aback. Still nervous as fuck but that was slowly being replaced by the 'are you fucking kidding' feeling you get when you feel like someone slapped you with a wet mullet. And yes I mean the hairstyle.

"Are you serious?" I said slowly.

"Well…. Yea." He said it so flatly and matter of fact it threw me through a loop.

"You have about three seconds to devour you delicious, reasonably priced, Mexican bean wrap or ima turn the guac, into glock and throw you over the edge."

His mouth twitched into a smile, only for a second but I saw it. He was kidding. Son of a bitch. Why was it so convincing? Why was he such a good actor? Why was I so stupid? Oh my god I probably sounded like a douche. He-. He laughed. His mask of acting cracked and fell away, he was pissing himself.

"Holy shit Jean, that's a pretty brutal reaction over a joke!" He laughed harder. I couldn’t help myself. I slammed down my Mexican bean blanket and shook my head, with one hell of a grin.

"God dammit Marco, don’t do that!"

He wiped a fake tear from his eye and put a hand to his chest. Jesus, this guy was almost as bad as Hanji when it came to laughing too hard.

"Don't do what Jean?" He tilted his head to the side as he calmed down and took a breath.

"Seriously man, you go from overboard food order and gonna get fucking trashed of grog to a six year old pouting because he didn’t get what he wanted so fucking fast it gives me whiplash."

He laughed even harder and put a hand over his mouth before saying;

"Well, Jean, you go from being floored by someone buying you a movie ticket to not catering to a six year olds hopes and dreams for food so fast, my neck isn't feeling so great either."

I just buried my head in my hands on the table and groaned. I was smiling of course because c'mon, it was funny. But seriously.

"Jean are you okay?" He asked me still giggling.

I raised my head and peeked at him through my fingers. My voice was slightly muffled by my hands.

"You are legitimately six. You hear me freckles? You are a six year old in a nineteen year olds body."

"You're actually the first person to ever call me that. And say the thing about the guac and glock. That's new."

I lowered my hands slowly, looked up at the sky and groaned. Fuck me this was gonna be a long night. Well, I shall leave out the minor details but we spent the next twenty minutes just messing around, making jokes and getting to know each other.

"So what do you do in your spare time?" He asked me lightly.

He had his hands folded over the table and was leaning forward lightly while I was slouching back also with my arms folded. Try not to look too eager to kiss the adorable bastard. And try to look cool. Was that how you looked cool? Like you just didn’t give a fuck? Or was that a bad thing? I had only ever been on one date okay? And it wasn't even that good. But more on that later. Side note, not a good idea to talk about past relationships on the first date. Chances are you'll get negative and end up saying things you don’t want to and it’ll leave a bad first impression. Back to the story, I was getting sidetracked again. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!

"Ummm. Well, I like reading I guess. Umm. Anime is always good. Marathoning and binge watching Netflix and chilling out and doing nothing, I am very good at that." I pointed a finger and earned a giggle.

"Then there is photography, that's been a bit slow lately though."

"Why has it been slow? Just no business? Wait, do you do it professionally or just by yourself?"

_Professionally? Was he serious?_

"No, just by myself. I don't have, like, a business or anyone I work with."

"Oh. Cool." He brightened up.

"So what about you freckles? What do you do for fun?"

He put his lips to the side in a 'hmm' motion. And thought for a bit before smiling again and leaning back. The muscles sliding beneath his shirt. He flexed his biceps and looked either way before replying in a _gruff manly voice_. The shirt tightening around his body as he moved.

"Oh you know, working on my wicked bod, these sweet puppies right here, work on my quads and abs, never skip leg day. Get wrecked mate, protein shakes and roids every day."

He lowered his arms and leant forward again. Beaming. Fucking beaming after the fucken gun show he just put on. No, _cannon show._ I just let out a low whistle before saying;

"Wow man."

_Train to Bonerville leaving now._

He giggled, bucket of laughs that he was and simply replied;

"What? Too much for you to handle Jean?"

"No, no, just. Watch it with the cannons alright? I don't want to get arrested for walking around with a guy who's packing more than just fucking heat."

He threw his head back and nearly fell off his seat. Dipshit. Be careful. It wasn't that funny, Christ.

"Jean, really now, I have a license."

That was what I wanted to ask, that and what he did in his spare time, for real though.

"Do you have your license? I meant to ask you that."

He stopped laughing and started sweating. His hand went to the back of his neck. This was gonna be good.

"Uhhh. Okay, don’t hate me for this." He paused. Dude, right now I couldn’t hate you if I wanted to.

"But?" I rolled a hand in front of me. Pressing for an answer. Not that it was important, I just wanted to know if he'd be able to run me places when I was trollied. (Wasted) Not that that was a possibility but hell, could never be too careful.

"I…. Don’t have my license." He blew air between his teeth and smiled a bit.

"Are you serious? Not even your learners permit?"

"No." He said flatly. He lowered his hand from his neck and wiped some sweat of his brow.

_Shit, if that was all it took to make him sweat, this guy was as bad as Bertholtd._

_"Are you serious?"_ I asked him almost a little to scarily.

"I don’t joke around Jean." He tried not so smile. And failed. Again.

"You could have fooled me bro."

"Well, I just haven’t needed it. And I'm… Lazy… I guess…" He stumbled over his words.

I sat forward and looked him in the eye. His beautiful, hot whiskey eyes.

"How can you be, how old? Nineteen?"

He nodded.

"Okay, nineteen and not have even your learners permit?"

"I told you, I'm…. Lazy."

"You could have fooled me again man. Oh my gosh. Who else am I gonna rely on to play free taxi with? Fuck me, I am making you get your license before the year is out. That's a promise."

"You’d do that? You just met me." He cocked his head to the side.

"Well. I like you so far so. Yea." I blushed and looked away. He did the same.

"I mean, I like you as a friend and that's what friends do and it'd be cool to have your license and… Yea."

We looked at each other at the same time.

"Jean, it’s okay, I like you too. Sorta. Cuz we just met and, well I'd like to know you better but…. Yea."

We both ended our blushing rambles with 'and yea'. Where was this going? I spoke up and we agreed to just drop the subject. It wasn't long before I realized that we had ten minutes till the movie started. We jogged over to the supermarket and grabbed about five bucks worth of junk food each. It wasn't much because, one I was still recovering from Bertie this afternoon and two, I didn't want to look like a pig on the first date. But the way I devoured my bean blanket and how Marco made that joke about ordering fucking everything, I wasn't really worried. So we went into the movie, reminder of what we were seeing. 'The fault in our stars.' The theater we were in wasn't really full. About ten people in here including us. A group of young girls and a couple of couples, sitting at opposite ends of the place. Marco and I sat in the middle of the middle, in front of the girls. I heard more than a few murmurs about the guy with the weird hair and the hottie who just walked in. I didn’t think Marco's hair was weird, actually it was quite nice. We sat down and the previews and add barrage assaulted us.

What came next was just. Two and a half hours of an alright movie, Marco trying not to ball his eyes out, failing, me asking him if he was okay, more than once the way he was blubbering, which was fine, it was pretty sad but not enough to make me cry. Then there was a group of young girls also crying hysterically and sniffling away, again, which was fine, it was pretty sad. Then when it was over, we left obviously. Marco was on the edge of his seat by the end. Really now. Anyway, we walked in silence to the bathroom as Marco cleaned himself up and I let out what was a soda about two hours ago. He beat me out. Which was surprising. I found him standing at the entrance. I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to how he looked standing there when he said I was buying him dinner.

Here comes the fun part. Telling Marco I didn’t like the movie after he clearly thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. I walked up to him and he initiated the conversation.

"So what did you think?" he asked with another smile. Honestly freckles, were you ever not happy? I mean apart from when you were crying.

"I'm not gonna lie man. I didn’t like it." I said in such a monotonous tone I sounded like a robot. His smile slowly faded.

"Really? How can you not? That was beautiful, it was a masterpiece."

"I just didn’t enjoy it."

"Not even a little?"

"Not really no." I said with a slight shake of my head and a 'meh' look in my face. He stared at me for a bit.

"What didn’t you like about it?" He pressed. This was not gonna be fun.

"Well. The storyline was alright but predictable you know? And I'm not gonna say anything because the people in line over there may be waiting to see it. It was a bit much with all the lovey dovey stuff ya know? I mean, romance and stuff is good but that just didn’t go down well with me. The way it all happened. It was sad and some of it was like, 'Whoa, what the fuck' and some parts were funny. The music was okay I guess. And then the characters were okay but honestly it was just too sappy and boring. Yea, that's the word. Boring. The metaphor thing really pissed me off for some reason but maybe that's just because Tumblr didn’t shut up about it for two weeks solid. The music was okay though I guess so there's a plus. But over all, it just didn't click with me."

He just stared at me for a moment before saying;

"Wow, Jean, don't hold back, just tell me what you really thought of it."

"Hey, I work in a video store man, don’t ask for a review if you can’t handle the truth." I pointed at him again with my eyebrows raised. I lowered it when he started talking.

"Well, I thought that was brilliant. Everything was great. But no spoilers like you said, cuz, people. Yea."

"Yea, so what do you wanna do now?"

A unfamiliar tune started to ring out around us. More so from Marco's pants. And it was his phone. Whoever that was had impeccable timing when it came to this. Or maybe it was just chance. He pulled out his phone and made a face.

"Mind if I take this? It's mum."

"Go right ahead. If it’ll take your mind off the movie you cry baby." I teased him.

He just stuck his tongue out at me and giggled. I returned the gesture as he turned away and answered the call.

"Hey mum….. No I'm still out…. Now?" He paused and then sighed.

"Okay, I'm on the way. Love you too… Bye."

He hung up and pouted at his phone for a minute before turning back to me, still pouting.

"My rides here, I have to go sorry." He sounded upset. It was adorable.

"Really? Ah that's okay, it was fun hanging with you." I tried to say. I did say that but it came out a little more…. Gay sounding than I imagined. He seemed to enjoy it though because his face lit up.

"Yea, it was great hanging with you as well. I, uh, hope we can do it again, sometime? Maybe? If that's alright?"

"Um. Sure, it was fun. Like you said."

We both blushed and looked away. Why did he have to make me so nervous?

I found the ground really interesting at that moment. Tracing patterns with my eyes. I wanted to trace patterns in Marco's freckles. I wanted to draw and map constellations in his face. His body. Every angle of him. Okay too intimate, slow down there Jean.

"Um. So, I'll see you again yea?" He asked me. I was shaken from the floor and pulled up into his gaze. It took me a short while to remember what I was talking about.

"Huh? Oh yea. Definitely. You seem pretty cool."

I hazarded a toothy grin and he returned it with more force.

"Cool, so, see you around I guess?" He opened his arms wide. He wanted a hug. I got to be that close to him. On the first date.

"Um, wow, you sure move fast don’t you? Trying for a hug so soon." I chortled and he slowly let his arms fall. As did his grin.

"If you don't want one-"

_Fuck. I wanted a hug from this man._

"No, no, no. I was kidding, sure you can have a hug."

His beautiful, white smile returned and he raised his arms. I shook my head, raised my arms and walked forward. He wrapped me in his arms and gave me one hell of a hug. His arms snaking beneath the space between me and my bag. He was…. Warm. Really warm. And smooth. But also bumpy because of the seafood platter he had going on. That kinda ruined the moment didn't it? I'm sorry. Anyway, he was warm and his embrace was like that of a mothers. He just radiated caring and understanding and warmth. I buried my head in his shoulder and just took in how well we fit together. I breathed him in and he smelled like…. Like cologne. Like man's cologne and aftershave. And, something else I couldn't put  my finger on. It was masked by the odor of his man smell.

I let go after a few breathes and he was almost reluctant. He hesitated and let go shortly after. We stood a little bit apart, blushing. Again. He smiled nervously before saying;

"So I'll…. See you round yea?"

I looked up again into his eyes. He looked so innocent and nervous. He seriously was a six year old I swear.

"You have my number so, definitely."

I smiled again and he hesitated again before he said;

"Awesome. Well.  Cya when I see ya."

"Cya then." I tried for another joke and it worked. He giggled before saying bye again, jogging outside, waving and then going around the corner, out of view. I stood there for a minute before getting movement in my own legs again and beginning the trek to my car. All I could think while grinning from ear to ear was when I would be able to see him again.

_____________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so there we have it. Chapter 3. I wanna apologize for not updating in a while I have just been so busy with everything. Again, wanna thank everyone for all the hits and kudos. At the time of uploading this, I have 96 hits and 5 kudos, I know that isn’t as much as the more talked about fic's but hey, it's a lot to me and it keeps me writing, so thanks heaps. Next chapter, we may have something happen. Something family wise. Haven't seen much of that lately, I think it’s time for an update. There will also be a bit of back story in later chapters but not right now, just telling you so you can all look forward to it. Thanks again to everyone and shout out to ma home girl Millie who helped me dress the boys for their date, her Tumblr is "icewingsofparadise" at the time of writing this so if you want, go check out her blog and maybe follow idk. Thanks again and see you next chapter. This was pretty long, almost 16k. Wow  
> -Drew


	5. Family time and co-workers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- In which we see Jean be absolutely giddy about Marco and cannot resist the urge to text Marco the next day about when they can hang again, some interaction with the workmates, Hanji and Reiner (Obviously) and some quality family time. Well, with half the family anyway. Plenty of fluff and fun, prepare yourself. Strap yourselves in, this is gonna be a long chapter I hope. Such a shitty chapter title I am so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here we are at chapter four. I know the website lists it as chapter five because as far as I am aware, there is no prologue option. So yea. Side note, I feel like we haven’t had much interaction from the family so… Yea. I use that too much, as well. Anyway I won't talk too much but I will say I broke 100 hits last night! :D that actually means so much to me, talk more at the end of the chapter, here we go. Thumbs up for Hanji. Enjoy.

The drive back was pretty calm. I kept the radio off because it was around this time that all 'The hottest party hits' filled every radio station. It was about 9:30pm so things had certainly calmed down since three hours ago. I didn’t see that douche bag that nearly rammed me again so that was a relief. The walk back was filled with me feeling like I was filled with butterflies. I was so nervous. But the good kind, not the sort where you have to say a speech in front of one thousand people and you stutter over your words and your anxiety kicks in and you bite back a panic attack. Yea, it happens, but this was the opposite. Sorta. I was feeling really good but really nervous okay? Maybe it was all the combined sugar and crap I had with Bertholtd and Marco. Maybe it was the beans. Probably the beans. Possibly Marco. But I wasn't about to rule out the silent killer.

But back to driving. The roads were quiet so it was a smooth drive back, which was weird because it was almost ten on a Saturday night. No wait, it was Friday that people usually went to clubs right? Or Wednesday? Some club thing I lived nearby had a thing going on every Wednesday. It was a seedy place that was famous for being infamous. But that just drew more people. Apparently shitty clubs were all the rage. I didn't get it, I'm getting sidetracked again. I shouldn't be worrying myself with- Closer to the edge burst into the chilled air in my car. It startled me a little bit. I realized it was my phone when it got to the chorus and remembered I kept my radio off at this time for a good reason. I reached into my bag I had ingeniously placed on the back floor and struggled to find it. I tried to keep my eyes on the road, only turning around ~~once~~ five times before I found it and looked at the screen. It was Mum. And I had three missed calls from her. And two messages. When did I get those? Oh right I didn’t tell her I was going out tonight. I needed an excuse, fast. I answered.

"Hey Mum I'm-"

"Jean! Are you okay? Where are you?"

I laughed into the speaker and said;

"Mum, I'm fine, but I'm driving right now so I'll talk when I get back okay?"

"Where are you now?"

I took a quick look around at my surroundings. I just crossed the bridge. Five minutes.

"I'm almost home, I gotta go mum, I'm driving."

"Okay, see you soon sweetie. Bye"

"Cya."

I hung up and threw my phone into my bag once more, gripping the wheel with both hands and focusing on the road. I blinked and yawned, I was actually pretty tired. I hadn’t done much all day but still. Blasted Bertholtd, getting me up at that fucking hour and forcing me to shower and look presentable at such a time. On my day off no less. I spose it was fine, we did organize it for that day and it felt good that I was able to take his mind off everything that was happening with his life right now. Moviecation can solve almost any problem, if only temporary. Almost any problem. But let’s not get into that right now. I made it back to my house, drive up the driveway, parked, killed the engine and went inside, making sure to lock the door behind me. I walked through the laundry, through the kitchen and down into the lounge room where my mum sat with a glass of red wine and watching some house renovation show or something or other that she enjoyed.

"Hey mum." I sounded good.

"Hey, there you are, I was about to send out a search party, where have you been?"

Oh fuck I forgot to think of an excuse. You know, not being out and all. So, probably telling her I was just on a date with freckles, who happens to be a very attractive and funny guy. Key words, another guy, would not go down well. I mean, if this thing with Marco went somewhere I would have to come clean eventually. Or more so come out.

"I was just out with a mate." I smiled, trying not to sound suspicious. It didn't work, mum saw through it with her psychic instincts.

"Okay." She said slowly.

"Who with?"

"Um. Just a friend."

"What's their name?"

"Ma-Marco. Why?"

"Just wondering if I knew him. Friend form school? Or work?"

"I actually met him at work, Hanji pretty much organized-" I stopped. That was close. Mum saw through it though. She knew something was up. Hence all the questions.

"Organized what?" She said cautiously.

"Ummm. Organized… A hang out. For us. I guess."

_Jesus Christ Jean, you’re not helping._

"Hanji organized a hangout. For you and this Marco person? Did she go?"

"Well, no, see…." I stopped. I would probably have to tell her eventually. But now wasn't the right time. Or was it? No, definitely not. Okay, breathe, make something up. I didn’t like lying to mum. She was too good a person to be treated like that. But this time it was just necessary. As I mentioned a while ago, mum had mixed views on, well, non straight people shall we say. Same sex couples and the like. I wanted to be sure I knew where she stood before I came out to her. I should probably say something.

"Okay, so. Long story short, Marco came in with his friend and Hanji was like, hey I know you. And then she said we would get along great and we should be friends and so she sorta said, hey Jean has a day off on Saturday and that worked for him well, because he doesn’t have the academy on weekends apparently and so we hung out and Hanji couldn’t make it because she had work."

I was ranting. That was a rant. I probably almost blew my cover. It wasn't totally lying but it still felt bad. I needed a beard. I wonder if Hanji would be interested. No. Bad idea. Oh fuck, mum was staring at me weirdly now. One eyebrow raised.  There was a moment of stillness save for the T.V in the background. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at me.

"What is it?" I said nervously.

She moved slowly to mute the T.V.

_Oh no._

She turned to face me. Her hands were folded in her lap.

_Oh no._

"Jean." She said flatly.

_Oh good God no. She knew something was up. I'm screwed. I'm fucked. This is it. Hello outside world, I'm out of the closet. Not really, oh god I hope she didn’t think that. Say something dammit._

"Yea?" I replied cautiously

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yea."

"And I will be here for you, right?"

"Yea."

She reached and out and took a sip of her wine. Placed it down. Sighed and put a hand on my shoulder.

"So you need to tell me what's up with this Marco guy."

_MAJOR FUCK ALERT! ABORT! ABORT! RETREAT TO ROOM NOW!_

I felt like my heart stopped. Edwards right arm, she knew. Or at least suspected.  She didn’t have solid proof. Jesus Christ what if she somehow got into contact with Thomas?! What would he have said oh my fucking god this isn’t happening. Oh fuck, oh no. What do I do? What do I say. Think. Think. Think. I got it.

"We're just friends mum, we just met on like, Wednesday."

_I should not have said that last part. I was tripping. I was falling._

"And you'd tell me about him if there was something else right?"

"Mum. I'm straight. And so is he. Relax."

_I needed to relax, I was screaming internally by this point. I really fucking needed to relax._

Mum held up her hands in defense and waved them about.

"I never said anything about who prefers what, I'm just curious who your new friend is. I should meet him."

"Uh, sure, once I get to know him better. I mean, we might hang out before the party so-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, party?"

Oh right, didn’t tell her about that either. I really needed to remember to tell my mum things.

"Uh, yea, his friend invited me to a party but he said he didn’t know me well enough, hence this evening hanging with him."

"I see." She paused and looked me up and down.

"Since when are you so happy and social, it’s not like you at all."

She threw her head back and laughed. My mouth just hung open. She was right however. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy. Not since him. Him being Thomas and oh what a fucking _thrill_ that was. Root and boot. Asswipe. There was more to it than that obviously but more on that later.

"Gee, thanks mum."

She stopped laughing and leant forward, putting a hand on my knee.

"Oh, sweetie, you know I'm just teasing…. As true as it may be." She chortled. I just did the same and looked away. I needed to get out of here.

"Hey, mind if we talk tomorrow? I have work in the morning and I'm really tired."

"Oh of course, what time is it?" She clicked the remote and checked the time on the T.V.

"Yea, get to bed, What time are you working till? What's your shift?"

I thought about it momentarily before answering.

"9am till 4pm. I'll be working with Hanji and Reiner but we close early so I will probably get a ride off Reiner."

Not that she needed to know the details but eh.

"Alright." She looked at the ground before looking at me again.

"Ah, you close early because it's a Sunday correct?"

"Yup."

She clicked her fingers and laughed.

"Aha! I knew it! Twenty pints to mum! Woohoo!" She laughed harder. She said _pints._ Not her first glass. Which was okay, red wine was healthy for you because of the antioxidants. Anyway, it was starting to kick in. Better leave her to her renovation shows. And I was tired. I'm getting defensive and off topic again. Dammit.

"Well, I should get to bed. Soooo. Night." I smiled and got up and started walking to the hallway.

"Ah yes, go to bed, shoo. Get some sleep."

"Will do. Night mum."

"Goodnight sweetie."

I walked down the hallway and into my room. The door was open and so were the windows. Slightly. Just enough to let in the cool night air but it wasn't so cold that I wanted to shut em. I threw my bag in the corner, gently as it had my camera in it, whipped off my shoes in the same direction, slid off my shirt, ruffled my hair and rubbed my face. I yawned, stood in my room for a bit and then jumped into bed. Pulling the covers right up nut leaving my arms uncovered. I could hear the faint sounds of the world as I lay I bed. Drifting in through the windows. It was still noise however. Nice and chilled out. Ya know? I don't really know how to describe it. I folded my arms behind my back and fell asleep drawing freckled constellations on my ceiling.

_______________________________________________________________________

I woke up at 9:30am…. Smiling. I was smiling. I knew I was because my cheeks were on fire and my mouth felt like a rubber band that had been stretched too far. Pain in the ass. Why was I smiling? I literally juts woke up. From the best night's sleep I had on a long time. Did I dream at all? I think so. Why? Oh right. Freckles. I didn’t know why I was getting so hyped up. I mean, I hadn’t even known him a week and I already fell asleep drawing his face on my ceiling. Bastard. If he ever found out he had this much of an effect on me, I’d never live it down. But part of me hoped he felt the same. And the hug. Was he just a nice person or did he see something? I mean, I wasn't in _that_ mindset shall we say. At least not then, so, why the hug? Was he a nice person who just gave hugs to anyone? Or did I just emanate that I needed someone's help but was too afraid to ask anyone for fear of being a greater burden?

 I thought I better not trouble myself with it at the moment. Might trigger something, god forbid, touch wood. I unconsciously reached out and touched my floor. Hehe. Touch wood. I get it. Wait. What time was it? As if Reiner had read my mind he sent a text to me at that precise moment. That's some twilight zone shit right there. I lazily got out of the fluffy kingdom that was my bed and trudged lazily over to my bag that had been carefully abandoned in the corner and fished for my phone. I caught hold and reeled it in. Okay enough with the fishing jokes. I unlocked it and read the message.

**From: Reiner**

**Yo, I'll be at yours in twenty minutes if you still want a lift?**

Twenty minutes? My eyes flashed to the time on my phone. 9:32am. Holy shit. I had work in less than half an hour and twenty minutes to get ready. Fuck. I typed a quick reply;

**To: Reiner**

**Sure man, thanks.**

And then I was running around my room grabbing the clothes I needed. I shouldn’t be stressing, it was just work. But the boss would kill me if I was late. Jeans. Work shirt. Underwear. Socks. I ran to the bathroom. I knew I wouldn't take twenty minutes in the shower I knew that much, but I would take a while to tame the fucking mop that was my bed head. I blitzed it in the shower only focusing on the important bits to thoroughly scrub. You know what I mean. Slipped out of the shower. Literally. _Shit._ Dried myself as fast as I could, probably giving my important areas towel burn and then set to taming the cowlick galore that was my hairdo. I was halfway through pulling on my pants when the doorbell rang out through the house. I put on my socks and slid down the hallway, skidding to a stop in front of the front door. I saw Reiner and his face dropped slightly before bellowing a laugh. I held up two fingers. _Two minutes._ I got a thumbs up and slid down my hall again. Sliding into my room. Man it was such a rush when I did that. I got some speed and distance up too. Thanks to mum for keeping the floors so clean so I can slide. But God it was exhausting. I was panting when I slid into my room. I needed to get in shape. I wasn't super skinny or unfit or anything, hell I had a fair amount of muscle but sliding just took it out of you. Ya know?

I found my shirt, tossed on the bathroom floor and put it on. Socks. Pulled those on. Grabbed my shoes and bag. Then heard my mum's voice ring out.

"Oh. Jean! Reiner's here!"

"Yea I know, I'll be there in a sec!"

"Well hurry up, you have work in ten minutes!"

"I know mum!"

I semi yelled back while twisting to sling my bag on my shoulder then silently screaming as it fell off my shoulder and whacked me in the stomach. Ouch. I slung it back and started sliding down the hallway again when I heard the door open.

"Hey Reiner, how you been honey?" My mum sounded bright. That was good.

"Hey Mrs. Kirschtien, I've been alright, yourself?"

"Great, thanks for asking. Why just alright? Everything okay?" I slid into view the same way I had before and locked eyes with Reiner. I just saved him. I think. Probably. This way he didn’t have to explain what was wrong. If there was anything. I hope not, but I was gonna ask him about it anyway. I jumped down the three steps at ounce and landed next to mum. She jumped a little. I stuck the landing. Fuck yea. She turned to face me as I slid past her and out the door next to Reiner. Shoes in hand.

"Bye mum, cya this afternoon." I said with a smile.

"Oh, wow okay, good morning to you too Jeanie-boy." She said sarcastically.

"Bye Mrs. Kirschtien, nice seeing you." Reiner waved and turned away, mum waved back, leaning against the door.

"Bye boys, have fun."

She slowly closed the door as I bounded down the front steps. I saw Reiner's car parked right in front of the steps. It was some tiny European car that was a dark blue. It wasn't a mini because it has back seats. Barely. He wanted a mini however. He was saving up for one. Ironic right? Giant of a man getting a mini. It was actually pretty funny though, each to their own and all that. I bounded down the steps. Reiner followed, taking his time. I jumped in the passenger side as he was only halfway down the steps. I frowned and leant over, beeping the horn. He chuckled and jumped the last few, finally making it to the driver seat, slipping in and shutting the door with a solid

_Thump._

I managed to put on both my shoes as he was just finishing putting on his seatbelt. He was doing this on purpose. Bastard.

"C'mon Reiner! Let's go! I don’t wanna be stuck with cleaning windows as punishment for being late on a Sunday!" I practically screamed at him.

"Chill dude. Hello by the way and alright, I'm going." He said with a smug look. We eventually got out of my driveway and onto the main road. He was quiet. Something was up. If I knew Reiner it's that when he was quiet, something was wrong. Plus, he only said to mum that he was just alright. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong but he beat me to it.

"So how'd the date with 'Tall, handsome and freckles' go?" He kept his eyes on the road even though I stared at him. Wide eyed

"How did you-"

"Hanji snap chatted everyone at work."

"I knew it."

"What do you expect bro? You're like her little gay niece."

"Don’t say it like that. I mean, yea, she did pretty much set it up and whatnot. Sorta. But still, I'm not her 'little gay niece'." I mocked.

"Right, right, niece is the female term right? Little gay nephew." He corrected with a shit eating grin.

"Shut it, gym junkie. But it went okay. And I don’t wanna have to explain twice so I will save the explanation for when we are at work. No doubt Hanji will have a multitude of questions for me."

"You have no idea man." Reiner's smile faded/ If only slightly before disappearing completely. We sat in silence for a few minutes and I was about to ask him what was up when next thing I knew, we were pulling into the car park outside work. It was 10am. On a Sunday. So naturally no one was here. I mean c'mon, who goes to a movie store on such a fan-fucking-tastic _SUNDAY morning?_ It should be a crime to be up this early. But if it was I would have been arrested. So probably a good thing it wasn’t. Reiner skillfully parked the tiny car and pulled the parking brake on. He jumped out of his car and I followed suit. He headed immediately to the back office where the boss was.

 It was hidden behind a shelf. He swung it open and stepped inside without another word. I stopped at the door and cocked my head sideways. Partly at the swift way Reiner moved (I was worried about him) and partly because Hanji was lying across the counter. Like a scene from titanic.  Her arm behind her head. Swooning. My mouth hung partly open. Her brown hair looked like it had been eaten by a mower and then blown by a jet engine, wisps falling in front of her glasses. Tousled would be a fucking understatement and a half. She wore her work uniform, the few top buttons undone. _~~I could see the tip of her bra.~~_ I spoke up.

"If this is a porno I am not DTF Hanji Zoe."

"Oh Jeanie-boy, please, tell me all about your ventures with the freckled Reiner." She breathed.

 _"Hanji, OH MY GOD. PUT YOUR SHIRT ON RIGHT NOW BEFORE THE BOSS SEES YOU."_ I whisper shouted. Walking past her she flipped onto her stomach.

"Oh Jeanie-boy, I simply must know the details. Did you make sweet romance by the light of the movie screen?" She all but fucking purred. I swear. I squinted at her as I set my bag down behind the counter.

"Three seconds. Or I call the boss over." I whispered to her.

"Please don’t. I’ll stop." She slid off the counter quite gracefully and buttoned her shirt before re-tousling her hair. That looked better. She tied it back in her trademark pony tail style and had the bangs hang over the edge of her face. She smirked at me.

"But seriously, I want the deets. Don’t leave anything out. And to answer your question, yes I will be keeping tabs on this thing that Sasha and I pretty much made for you."

"That's what your calling it?"

"Yes. Yes it is. Don’t deny it, you know it's true."

She was right. I hated when she was right like this and pretty much glorified herself over it. It wouldn’t be so bad if she didn’t do that. Reiner appeared behind me and stood with his hands on his hips. Bolstering his chest outwards. Was that the right word? Puffing would fit better.

"You know we have only been on one date right?"

"Yes, but you're seeing him again aren’t you?"

It was true. I was seeing him again. I didn’t know when or where and whatnot but I was defiantly seeing him again. My mind wandered to him. That smile, that scent, those eyes. Full of both innocence and secrets. I was gonna find out what he was hiding so help me. I know that sounds cliché' and all. Cute boy, too good to be true, so nice and handsome and all that sappy jive. But There was something. If he turned out to be a soul reaper or an alchemist I was joining him then and there. Although hopefully I'd be able to keep all my limbs and do more than one move with a sword. I'm kidding. Chill. I looked Hanji up and down cautiously before saying.

"Maybe. Don't get any ideas. I didn't really have time to get to know him because I was too busy making fun of him for dragging me to 'The fault in our stars'."

Oh that movie was beautiful." Reiner sighed.

Wait. What? I spun around, clutching a case in my hands, Reiner looking up at the ceiling. Hanji pushed me out of the way and clasped her hands together looking up at Reiner. _Who didn’t look up at Reiner? Probably Bertholtd. Only two tall people I knew. Not that Hanji or I were regarded as short._

"The way he spoke to her."

"And the speech about oblivion."

"The ending though."

"Oh my god the ending was the best part, I cried like baby."

"My tears were bittersweet."

I left the two to whine and glorify the movie that _Marco and I saw together as our first date regrettably. AND WHY DID I MAKE FUN OF HIM INSTEAD OF GETTING TO KNOW HIM? WHY COULDN'T I DO THIS RIGHT? Realization hit me._

Anyway, I left those two to fantasize and script fan fiction with each other and went about my usual opening duties. You know, organize the mess that was the discount/sales table. Sometimes I wonder if people came in here just to mess things up. Can I get a holler from my people in retail? Back to the story. I _tried_ to escape to my duties if Reiner hadn’t noticed me slowly trying to slip over the counter as quietly as I could. And then with his booming fucking voice yelled and pulled me back over between him and Hanji;

"Where do you think you're going Jean? We still need details!"

He dragged me over the counter, resistance was futile, this bastard had arms like a tree trunk super bear hybrid. Hanji whipped around and faced me as Reiner plonked me down, not so gently. Ouch. The case I was holding fell to the floor the same time I did. I Picked myself up just as Hanji spun to see me getting up from my make out session with the floor.

"YES! Jeanie-boy! Spill it. What happened?" Hanji exclaimed and asked at the same time. Weird right? They took turns asking the questions. Hanji looking inquisitive and Reiner just enjoying Hanji being Hanji. Why was Reiner so interested?

"Was it fun?"

"Did you kiss?"

"Was it romantic?"

"Did you drop him home?"

"Did you meet his family?"

"Did you go to his house?"

My eyes darted between the two of them. As they stopped at that. I picked myself up, dusted off some imaginary dust for dramatic effect and said;

"Yea, it was alright, no, not really. No his mum picked him up, obviously no, and certainly not." I counted on my fingers. I think that was everything. Reiner stared at me and Hanji was bug eyed. It was eerily quiet. Reiner was the first to talk, breaking the momentary silence.

"Did you suck his di-"

 _"NO!"_ I almost screamed at him. I honestly was not expecting Reiner to be this into it. Hanji, not so much, she had proclaimed herself my manager after all. Hanji gently slapped him on the chest. It made a solid thumping noise.

"Reiner, fucks sake, he isn’t you."

Reiner went bright red and recoiled a bit as he stood up taller.

"I- I'm not gay though. I don't like dick. That- That's not me Hanji, you know that."

"Whatever you say honey. So Jean, spill more details or I text Sasha and indulge in boarder line fan fiction."

More details? I hadn't given any because nothing really happened. Whatever. I spose I should just tell her what happened. Even though it was lack of. I was pretty pissed about that. Mainly at myself though. I sighed, rolled my eyes and Hanji leant forward, still clasping her hands. Reiner had cooled off and also leant forward expectantly. Again, I don't know what these tow were expecting.

"I met him at the cinema, made an inappropriate joke, bought the movie tickets, well, he bought the movie tickets, at a discount price because the girl was really nice."

I bit back a smile. Smooth talking bastard.

"Then we got dinner, he ordered half the fucking menu, I made some more bad jokes, threatened to kill him, had dinner, got some junk food, watched the movie, hated it, he loved it, same as you guys and then we said goodbye."

I looked at the eager pair. Their faces dropped as far as their mouths. Then formed into frowns as they spoke at the same time.

"You didn’t like the movie?"

"You threatened to kill him?"

I didn't know who's face was better. I admit I took some slight joy in seeing the pair like this. As bad as that probably was. They shouted at me in unison.

"What is wrong with you Jean Kirschtien?!"

You heard right. Both Hanji and Reiner. Used my full name. I. Was. Screwed. Strap yourself in Jean, here comes the thrill ride. The duo took turns harassing me with the questions. I felt pretty bad after it stopped. Hanji went first.

"What is wrong with you?"

"Why did you threaten to kill him?"

"How can you not like the movie?"

"Why did you make your bad jokes?"

"Was that the biggest mistake you made?"

"Why did you threaten to kill him?"

"What did you do to him?"

"Why did you threaten to kill him?"

Hanji turned towards Reiner.

"Reiner, sweetie, that's the third time you've asked that."

He looked at Hanji with disbelief.

"You don't just threaten to kill someone _on the first date."_

"I KNOW RIGHT?! You at least wait till the third."

I had to stop this. It wasn't that bad, I hadn’t explained it was a joke. I should do that. Now that I think of it that's probably why I didn’t have many friends. I had Reiner and Hanji and some other work mates here. And there was Bertholtd. But not really anyone else. Okay pull it together Jean, now so not the time to have an existential crisis. I should really explain that it was a joke. And he laughed. And he didn’t hate me. And he hugged me.

"You know it was only a joke right?"

The pair stopped their arguing and turned towards me simultaneously. Both of them were frowning and said in unison;

"What?"

I blinked.

"The killing him thing? It was a joke. He ordered half the menu and then pouted about it so I made a joke and it turns out he was playing with me. So we're even."

The pair blinked at me. I blinked back. Recoiling slightly. My eyes were wide. Hanji sighed and Reiner dropped his hands to his sides.

"Oh thank goodness. As long as he got you back, then that's okay." Hanji said relived. I didn't feel so small now. My body relaxed. I honestly thought I was gonna be in for a shit storm. I noticed that a customer had walked in. How did she walk by without any of us noticing? Did she notice us? Oh shit, she probably saw the whole thing and thinks we're all bat shit insane or something.

"So if you two are done with the interrogation- For now." I added as Hanji closed her mouth. And Reiner slowly lowered his finger.

"I have a customer to help."

 _And a boy to text after I'm done t make sure he doesn’t actually think I'm actually a giant dick with a bad sense of humor.._ I mentally added.

 I slipped over the counter and strode towards the lady. I heard  My feet slightly echoing against the hum of the lights and some movie trailer playing softly from the T.V's. plastering a smile on my face again. I reached her. She was a plump woman in her early thirties with a small child. Probably no older than seven. She must have been hidden behind the shelves as I didn’t see her small frame before. Who I assumed to be her mother had her long black hair falling over her shoulders, a single braid with beads and a feather. A rainbow tie dye shirt and a green tie dyed dress. The little girl's hair in bleached pigtails. She wore all pink. I reached the mother and child.

"Hi, can I help you with anything today?"

_______________________________________________________________________

After the lady politely declined my offer to help, she bought a couple movies and some snacks and left with the cases in one hand and the little girl's hand in the other. The store was quiet. Both metaphorically and literally. By the time 10:00am rolled around, the T.V's trailers had started to get to everyone so we turned those off. The bosses idea might I add. Reiner was swiveling on his chair and Hanji was doing the same. I sat on the counter staring at my phone. Wondering whether to text Marco or not. Would that be creepy? It had literally been about twelve hours since I saw him last. I looked at my reflection in my phones blackened screen. I was scowling. Again. It was kinda my default face.

I should though. My mind was reeling, I needed to make sure he didn’t actually think I thought he was a little piss baby for crying during the movie. And that he knew I was joking about the guac and glock thing. And actually thought that I did care about him. In the short time I knew him. Bastard. How dare he make me like him this much in such a short time. Hanji snapped me out of my internal monologue and self bashing.

"Hey Jeanie-boy, whatcha doin' there? Deciding whether or not to text the bae?"

I looked up to see her waggling her eyebrows. I kept the scowl.

"What? Bae? Hanji, for fucks sake. One awkward date where I teased him 40% of the time doesn’t make Marco 'The bae'."

Reiner swiveled round to face me. He sat on his chair backwards, arms crossed over the back of the chair.

"Oh c'mon Jean, I'm sure he's waiting for you to text him to organize your next Marco bashing." He chuckled to himself. That wasn't even funny Reiner.

"Whatever." I said as apathetically as I could. It was good. I couldn’t hear a hint of giving a fuck in my deliverance of that word.

I returned to scowling at my phone. And it lit up. Like a fucking Christmas tree. My eyes nearly popped out of my head when I saw it. And admittedly I did jump a little bit. One new message. Marco. I silently wished that Sasha had stolen his phone. Again. I didn’t know what to do. Should I unlock it and read it? Should I wait and make an excuse? Fuck it. I unlocked my phone at breakneck speed just as Hanji shot over and read the message with me.

"Naw, Marco-polo. That's cute Jeanie-boy." She ruffled my hair and smiled. I ignored her and read the message.

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Hey Jean, had heaps of fun last night. When do you wanna hang next? I was thinking before the party so I can give you and Hanji details. :)_ **

Oh thank God he wanted to see me again. Relief washed over me like a fucking wave. I let out a huge sigh and didn’t know I had been holding my breath. I was about to type a reply but then another message came through.

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Also I want to see your German sausage ;D_ **

What. The. Actual. Fuck. I went bright red, my mouths set in a wobbly line. And Hanji started cackling hysterically. Reiner was suddenly interested.

"What? What did it say?"

Hanji was  almost on the floor.

"Reiner! Oh my Gosh! He's worse than you!"

"Well what did he say? It is Marco right?"

I looked up at him, still bright red.

"I really hope not."

"Well what did he say!?" Reiner pressed me. As if things couldn’t get worse, the boss came out of the office and walked towards us. My stomach dropped. Oh no, please don't ask wh-

"What the hell is with all the ruckus?"

Hanji pulled herself up, and gripped her ribs. I'm surprised she wasn't having an asthma attack.

"Oh my gosh, boss, you won’t believe this."

"No! Don’t tell him!" I yelled, clutching my phone to my chest.

"Tell us!" Reiner yelled back at me with a huge grin.

"Boss, Reiner, oh holy shit. So Jean had this date right-"

"Pfshshhh Sshhh." I tried to hush her but she kept going.

"Well the guy just texted him saying he wants to see his German sausage!"

_"HANJI!"_

I looked towards the boss. His default expression set. Like stone. I glanced at Reiner, who was almost as red as me and his mouth hung open but he still grinned. I drifted to Hanji who had calmed down. But was still gasping for air. I didn’t know what to do. The boss stood there for a moment before turning on his heel and mumbling a 'get back to work' before disappearing into the office. Reiner's blush had faded but mine was still there. My face was on fire, this was not Marco, please be Sasha or someone. I was about to text back a 'who is this' when another one came through.

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Let's make some German babies! You can use my freckled Taco. We'll have Sausage-Taco bebe's._ **

Another message came in almost instantly,  barely heard the tone sound over Hanji, shitting herself. Not literally. Reiner was laughing pretty hard at this point too. I swear I saw the boss glaring at us from behind his office door. You know that half shadowed thing they do in horror movies? Anyway, the message read, over my face that was getting hotter and hotter I actually started sweating. Please be drunk. Or Sasha. Or drunk Sasha. I'm placing my bet on drunk Sasha.

**_From Marco-Polo_ **

**_Do you want to see my spotted dick pudding?_ **

Hanji literally fucking fell on the fucking floor and almost had an asthma attack. I shit you not. Reiner was wondering what the messages said so he got up and peered over. Then he almost, _almost,_ stumbled back over his chair. _AND I WAS BLUSHING SO HARD A FUCKING SWEAT BEAD DROPPED ONTO MY SCREEN_. I was about to type a reply then the screen lit up. It was Marco. He was calling. He better be off his face on some sort of drug or alcohol or something. I quickly wiped the sweat off my phone and slowly slid the screen to answer. Hanji took a deep breath and got up before she swiped it off me, put it on loudspeaker and held it in between us. Reiner muffled his laughter behind his enormous hands and everything was silent. Hanji made a motion with her hands.

"Mar-" I started before Marco's voice came through the speaker so fast and in a high pitch.

"Jean! Oh my god I am so sorry! Sasha turned up at my house last night when I got back to have celebratory drinks and she is still pretty wasted from last night and she got hold of my phone and I saw the messages she sent you I am so sorry! Please don't think I am a perverted creep! I am so sorry!"

There was silence for a moment. I mentally gave myself ten bucks. I was right. Drunk Sasha. I sucked in a deep breath. Sighed. And kept silent for a moment. Reiner and Hanji, face splitting smiles and wide eyed, awaited my response. I leant forward to my phone and said slowly.

"Change. Your. Fucking. Password."

I heard laughter on the other end of the phone. It wasn't Marco's so it had to be Sasha. Her voice came through, faint.

"He wants to see your bratwurst!" More laughter. From both ends. Hanji was bent over and Reiner had his head in his arms. I just shook my head as my blush faded from volcano to sunburn. Hanji was the first to talk on this end.

"Sasha!? Ma girl, well done, you should have seen his face!"

"Did I get him good?!" Sasha screamed.

"You did! He was sweating he was blushing so hard."

Marco's voice came through.

"Jean, please forgive her, as I said she is still pretty wasted. And I was not letting her drive home like this at three in the morning. Again I am so sorry."

"Marco, it's fine. Just change your pass code or whatever. And keep your phone away from her. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Good."

"Okay."

"Yea, okay."

"Okay."

"Stop."

"Okay."

"Marco." I sighed. Things had calmed down here. Hanji's lungs weren't strangling her anymore and Reiner sat slouched in his chair with his arms folded.

"Sorry. Hey am I on speaker?" He queried.

"Uh, yea, I'm at work. Reiner and Hanji are here."

"Hi Hanji…. Who's Reiner?"

Reiner leant forward and said;

"Hey Marco, it's Reiner. Jean's workmate. We haven’t met. Obviously."

"Oh okay. Hi."

"How ya doin?"

"Alright yourself?"

"Great. Thanks for asking."

"Good to hear." He leant back.

There was silence for a moment. Before Hanji spoke up. She jumped up on the counter and sat down, placing my phone between the three of us. Reiner had scooted over so we formed a sort of triangle with the phone between Hanji and I. As I said. Hanji was the first to ask.

"So whatcha guys been doing? Gossiping about last night I imagine?"

Sasha's voice came through;

"Hanji! Yay! Yea! Marco didn’t shut up about him. He said he has nice hair and wants to know if the carpet matches the drapes." She burst into laughter and I heard a soft thud and then heard Sasha scream;

"Lay off Chelsea already! You have Jean for that now!"

Reiner spoke up.

"Who's Chelsea? Is there someone else there?"

"Chelsea is ma home girl. She is Maria's twin sister." She wined in that drunk voice. You know how people get when they’re drunk? Slurring and the like. That voice. Man these two must have pulled an all nighter or something. Maybe Sasha just had a lot to drink. Wait. Chelsea and Maria. Maria is the name Hanji used when I caught her with Marco's number or whatever. So that means she knew.

"Who are Chelsea and Maria really Sasha?" I asked her.

"My boobs you dummy."

There was a moments silence as we all contemplated her answer.

"You named your….. Why?"

"Because guys name their dicks so I should be able to name ma girls." She said flatly.

I didn’t know how to respond. So I changed the subject.

"Anyway, Marco, why is Sasha wasted?"

His voice echoed slightly. Maybe we were on loudspeaker now.

"Oh thank goodness your still there. Um. We-well. Sasha is wasted because-"

"Because he finally has someone else's nips to twiddle."

Reiner belted out a laugh and I’ll admit I laughed as well. I started to relax now. I was so relieved that he wasn't mad at me or anything. And it was nice having everyone talk like this. I guess. A little awkward. And I'm sure Marco felt the same. Having to deal with drunk Sasha sounded bad enough but then there was Hanji. As if on cue she jumped in.

"Hey Sasha enough of the sex jokes and Marco, when do you plan on seeing Jean again?"

I looked at her and she was smirking. That Hanji smirk that I knew meant she was cooking up a plan. Or worse. Had one already.

"Um. I don’t know. I mean, the party is next week but I was hoping to, maybe, see him sometime before then? I mean, if he isn't working full time and stuff. Like, I know he works full time, so he might be busy. So whenever he is free next I guess?" He rambled.

Hanji chuckled.

"God, your adorable when you’re flustered." He chortled and sighed. I don’t know why but Hanji was right, it was adorable. Reiner was just shaking his head. And smiling. Hanji's eyes flicked to the roster on the wall behind us. Then she turned to the phone.

"Jean has a short shift this Thursday, 11-2pm, how does that sound honey?"

"Uh. Great. What do you want to do Jean?"

"Huh? I. Uh, you just. Um. Hmmmm." I stumbled over my words.

Hanji glanced at me and then back at my phone. Reiner sat in silence, looking like he was either immensely enjoying this or lost in thought. I couldn’t tell which okay? Geez, don’t shoot me.

"Hey Marco, you know those movies are due back today right?"

Sasha's voice came through the speaker.

"They are?" I heard rustling. Some clattering, a thump, a muffled 'shit', more rustling and then Sasha screamed;

"Holy shit! They are! Marco we have to return these!" Her voice changed to a whisper, barely audible.

"I can't afford a late fee after all the grog."

I heard Marco sigh and then he said.

"Is that okay if we swing by today? What time are you open till today?"

"Um. Four."

"Okay that's…. A while away. Is it okay if we come by at threeish? I don’t want you guys to see Sasha this wasted. Or hopefully not wasted at all."

"Yea, that's cool. It's Sunday so the place will be quiet."

"Awesome. See you then Jean. And Hanji and Reiner of course." He quickly added. Adorable bastard. Not even a day and he was already singling me out like that. I must use this power for good.

"Yea. Bye." I smiled.

"Cya later Hanji, you too Reiner!"

"Bye honey."

"Later  mate." They both said almost at the same time.

Marco uttered one last cya before he hung up. The phone screen went blank.

Hanji jumped off the counter and walked around to the discount table. Reiner followed her without a word. I hope he was okay. I stared at the phone, still smiling like an idiot and then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and saw Hanji gently grinning at me. Reiner was in the background, sorting out the table. That was my self-appointed job.

"You have until three to come up with an idea for a date." She took her hand off my shoulder and walked over to help Reiner sort out the table. I silently thanked her. Okay. Till three to come up with a date idea. A real one. Where I could actually get to know him. Fuck. I had till three till come up with a real date.

___________________________________________________________________________

Just a side note. I may have been exaggerating when I said the depression thing is around like 90% of the time. It was more like half or maybe two thirds tops. And no, it was not because of Marco. And yes know that would be cruelly cliché and no, it was not because of Hanji or anything and _yes_ I was sure I had depression and anxiety. How do I know? Well I tested myself at the doctors when I was in high school without telling anyone and I passed with flying colors. Yay. Plus I thought I had it before that because I Googled the symptoms and that was not fun. And I know what you're thinking, 'But Jean? Wouldn’t the doctor have given you medication or something or told someone?' Well. You'd be right. I am actually surprised she didn’t tell my mum or something. But after much debating, a debate I ultimately won. No one beats me in an argument, I'll argue my point till I'm blue in the lips, fucken watch me. Anyway, the doctor agreed to keep this little situation between us if I took the medication she gave me and came back in two weeks to see how things were going.

And filled with self loathing at the thought of having to take drugs to prevent me from killing myself or something. I didn’t take em. I flushed em all down the toilet and disposed of the container in a bin at school. I know, I know. Stupid idea. But it was just in that moment. I hesitated. I hated myself for not taking them. But I would have hated myself more if I did. Yes I know it was for my own good and looking back I probably should have taken em, but, I just. Couldn’t bring myself to that point. So I went back in two weeks, wearing a heavy mask and lied through my fucken teeth. That's another thing I hated. Lying. And I had to do it to a doctor. No. I didn't have to. I wanted to. No. I didn't want to either. How do I explain it? I thought I had to lie to her because I hated myself because I was supposed to take some happy pills and then everything would be fine. Right? Whatever. It's not her fault and she was a nice lady. She didn’t deserve that. What was her name? Carla. Dr. Carla Jaeger. I think I went to school with her son. And the shower scene the other day just further proved me right. But enough of this. Onto the part you've been waiting for.

_________________________________________________________________

It was two o'clock. The day all but fucking flew by but it seemed to drag on at the same time. You know when you get that? The day just escapes but it really takes it's time like Reiner coming down your front stairs. The store was quiet. The hum of the fluorescent lights droning away in the background, we kept the movie trailers off because we didn't really want to hear the same things repeated. Again. And again. And again. And again. Now the damn things have me doing it. Onwards. So there I was pacing back and forth, up and down the aisles with my arms crossed and my shoulders slightly hunched. Borderline rapid breathing. This was a fucking great time for anxiety to rear its head. I wasn't having a panic attack or anything, touch wood, but still. I could hear my heartbeat in my head and Marco wasn't even here yet. Man, forget butterflies. It’s like wasps were having a heavy metal concert in my stomach. _And he wasn't even here yet_.

The boss, coming out of his office for lunch noticed my pacing and flustering like a headless fucken chicken and thought he would mention it. And by mention it I mean;

"Kirschtein, stop walking around so much, you'll scuff up my floors."

Thanks for asking if I was okay dude bro. I suppose that was his way of asking if I was alright. In a strange sense. So I just stopped in my tracks and whispered;

"Okay."

He looked at me with that stone face. Gold tinted eyes as hard as the color. Was gold named after the rock or the color?

"I'm going on lunch. Don’t screw up while I'm gone. Reiner is in charge for the time being. Got it."

"Okay." I whispered.

"And for fucks sake, stop stressing about your boyfriend. When I get back go out with Hanji and relax. Better yet, take Reiner with you. I can use some alone time." He walked away as I whispered another 'okay'. The fault in our Jeans. It was pretty one sided. And as soon as he left. I started pacing again. If I was gonna scuff up his floors I was gonna do it right. No wait. That's bad.

_JEAN WHY CAN’T YOU JUST RELAX FOR FIVE MINUTES?!_

I mentally yelled at myself. Running a hand through my hair and taking a deep breath, I looked up at the stark white ceiling. A light was pretty much right above me so I didn’t look for long. I took a deep breath and exhaled. I heard Reiner's voice interrupt my internal monologue.

"Hey, Jean, can you help me with this bro?"

I looked at him from across the store, he stood out amongst the shelves. He was down near the front, cleaning up the weird American candy section. He looked lost. I didn’t blame him. I strolled down and passed a determined looking Hanji. Furiously scrubbing the desk. Mr. Boss man, his name always escapes me. Shatner or Tardis or something like that, told us since it was Sunday and we had nothing to do on Sundays because it was a fucking Sunday, to just clean the place. So we did. I swear the place was spotless after we were done. I reached Reiner and uncrossed my arms.

"So whatcha need help with?"

He looked at me then at the candy. Then at me again and puffed out air from his nose.

"Dude. I don't know what half this stuff is and I don’t know how to organize it."

That was it? Easy enough. I could do that, I can di this, I will do this. Take my mind of things.

"Um." I spun on my heel and faced the assaulted assortment of American confectionary. I had seen it all before but some of it still caught me off guard. Like. Jim Bean BBQ marinade. It was BBQ sauce with bourbon essentially. Like, c'mon.

"Well how about we put the sauces and stuff on one shelf and the items like the sauce and other, 'adult' inclined items on the higher shelf and then the stuff that's okay for kids in the lower shelves?"

His eyes darted over the shelves, his lips slightly parted. He turned towards me and smiled.

"Dude. You’re a genius. Let’s do it."

"Cool. And I'm not a genius, I just use logic. Like, we don’t want some little kid reaching for…. Say…. Flaming ass hot sauce and dropping it on the ground or something right?" I indicate the bottle if hot sauce which had a picture of a cartoon donkey on fire. Smiling. If I was a donkey on fie I wouldn’t be smiling. The worst part was it came with its own little outhouse case. C'mon now.

"Yea you're probably right. Not exactly G rated is it?"

"Yep. Alright, let’s get to it."

So we did just that. We organized it according my brilliant logic ruled system and then the boss came back and kicked us out for lunch. All of us. So he had the store to himself. He'd be fine. He even said to take a little longer on break. As a hard ass as he was, he was a big teddy bear on the inside. Just like Reiner, okay no, scary thought. Ah well. He'd be fine. It was Lardis after all. So that left me, Reiner and Hanji wondering what to do for lunch. But before we left I slipped over the counter and grabbed my phone. Just in case Marco got here before we got back, he could ring. We eventually settled on a café. It was in the same plaza so it was good we didn’t have to go far. The smell of coffee being roasted drifted from inside. Sunday afternoon it wasn't overly busy. There were a few people around but not enough that the wait staff were frantically taking orders but not so quiet that they weren’t cleaning the whole place. We placed our orders and sat outside. The sunlight streaming through the gaps in the umbrella's. The metal chairs scraping against the concrete floor outside. I sat next to Hanji and Reiner sat opposite her. There were no three people tables so this was really the only way we could do things. Hanji leapt straight into the conversation.

"So, let’s talk date ideas for our little Jeanie-boy."

"Oh, it's hard to believe the little guy is dating already." Reiner sighed. Hanji wiped away a fake tear.

"I know." She sniffled.

"They grow up so fast."

I just shook my head. I had calmed down a bit now I was sitting down with these two. It was always nice in their company. Granted I was still on edge but hey. But when they started holding hands across the table and bursting into fake tears, yea, that's where I had to step in before people thought we were insane.

"So are we gonna do this or not? Or should I leave so I can give you two some alone time?"

I shit you not Hanji and Reiner's faces dropped and they said simultaneously;

"Leave."

My eyes darted between the two and I laughed and got up with a 'well then' before the pair laughed as well and insisted I sit back down. I did just that. Again, Hanji was the first to talk.

"So, Jeanie-boy. What did you have in mind?"

"Uhhh." I looked down at the table. Tracing imaginary patterns. I was silent for a moment. I looked up and shrugged. Hanji sighed and Reiner crossed his arms and sat back in his chair with a huff. Man I was hopeless at this.

"Right. Well. What is your ideal date?"

I thought about for a moment before shrugging again.

"Okay. Well, Reiner, what’s yours?"

"Hm?"

The giant blonde looked up with his pencil line eyebrows raised.

"Hm?"

"What is your ideal date?" Hanji enquired.

"Probably something where I have a chance to talk with the person one on one. You know like, no other people around to interrupt. Maybe go see a movie or something?" He suggested.

"Nah, we did that already. It… Didn’t go down well, as you guys already know." I looked between the two of them.

"Aint that the truth." Hanji mumbled.

"What's your ideal date Hanji?" Reiner asked her. Tipping his head to the side slightly.

"Honey, my ideal date is just chilling on my lounge, marathoning breaking bad with the bae and a tub of Nutella and ice cream between the two of us. Bless." She raised her hands upwards, towards the sun.

"That actually doesn’t sound half bad." I nodded in approval. Hanji lowered her hands as Reiner began to talk.

"As good as that sounds, maybe once you know him better you know? How about you go out to the Haven?"

The haven was the name given to a place at a local beach, or more so an area that was literally around the corner from the main place. It was a small area popular with tourists. It had plenty of food stores and clubs to boot. Not to mention the hotel. Actually that was  a good idea. Hanji leant forward.

"Yea, you could go hang out at the shops and stuff. Maybe get some dinner and then go for a walk around the Haven. Maybe even go to the scallion?"

I think it was pronounced 'skill-e-on' but whatever. It was this big ass hill right by the ocean, so more of a cliff face. It had a lookout on the top where you could see the whole area and then the ocean.

"That's actually a great idea guys." I beamed. It was a great idea.

"Dude, you could be all romantic and stuff. Go and treat him to dinner then wonder around to an ice cream store, chill out for a bit talking about a bunch of stuff. Then have a moonlit walk along the haven up to the lookout. Comment on how the stars reflect on the land as the city lights And then look deeply into his eyes and steal a kiss." He sighed. Looking up at the sky. Absolutely fucking lost in his own world. He returned to Hanji and I looking at him quizzically. His smile faded slowly and he asked;

"What?"

"Honey, that was so hella fucking sappy and gay, it might just work. Kirschtien, we found your date planner from now on." Hanji reached across the table and gently slapped Reiner on the chest. Drowning in hysteria. I'll admit it was a little weird for Reiner. And hilarious. But hey, shows you how far stereotypes go. It was pretty funny though. But it was a hell of an idea. And this time, I would actually get to know him and not just make fun of the big cry baby's taste in movie. I know. ~~I'm trash.~~ And I know I have said it before but I felt bad about being such an asswipe. Okay, I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself now, bye.

"Hanji, c'mon leave him alone, that was adorable." I pleaded.

Hanji took a breath and said;

"Oh I know, Reiner, sweetie, I was only kidding but that was really sweet and adorable."

"Tch. Just an idea Hanji, no need to be so mean." He pouted. The big teddy bear. I thought I better reassure him.

"No, Reiner really, that's actually great, I love it and I'm sure he will too." I smiled at him. He stopped pouting and looked down sighing.

"Yea, okay. Look, our food is here so let's just eat and get back to work okay? Marco said he'd be here around threeish yea? So let's hurry up. I want to meet Jean's boy."

I opened my mouth to tell him we weren’t actually dating or anything but I was cut off by a waitress placing a plate in front of me. Quiche Lorraine. 10 bucks. Bargain. Not even an hour's pay. Hanji got some sausage roll looking thing and Reiner had some enormous plate of…. I don’t know what. A miniature rainforest. I think I saw some chick peas or something in there. Probs a salad doused in some dressing. Ah well. We ate and laughed and talked about nothing in particular. Well mainly how we were gonna plan it. Hanji actually offered for Reiner to stay at her place the night so they could keep easy tabs on what was going on. He said sure and they organized a time. Hanji had always been so open and friendly. I mean, She had been here for three years and Reiner just over one so they knew each other pretty well but still. I swear these two were paying more attention to this then I was. That is to say more devoted. I was sorta, yea okay, I'm lost help me and Reiner and Hanji were all, 'All fucken right, let's run Kirschtein's love life'. Which was fine because I didn’t really have a clue what I was doing.

I had really only been in one relationship. Scratch that, relation-shit. It had lasted a month, not even that and then he dumped me when I wouldn’t fuck him. At the time I was furious and sad and what I thought was heartbroken. I did feel sorry for him though. He had been through a lot. But more on that later. Maybe. I'd rather not talk about it now. Things were looking good for me so I was trying to stay positive. So we had lunch, sat for a bit, the waitress cleared our table with a smile and a 'Did you enjoy your meal' in a bright tone. Maybe it was put on but she was really nice either way. We headed back to the store. It was dead. The boss was staring at something on the counter. He heard us walk in and shuffled some papers together before walking around to meet us all. He had his bag on and keys in one hand. He looked at all of us as we stopped in our tracks.

"Guys, I'm leaving. Hanji, you're in charge, lock up at four pm. No later, no sooner. I'll get my keys off you tomorrow. Have a good one, see you all later."

He tossed the keys to Hanji who caught em just as he strode by us. His footsteps echoing on the floor and then disappearing outside. Hanji took a few slow steps forward and turned, on arm across her chest, the other twirling the keys by a ring in the other hand. She sighed with a grin.

"Hmmmm. Okay boys, you heard the boss." She stopped twirling the keys and looked Reiner and I from underneath her glasses.

"My reign of terror begins now."

"Oh fuck." Reiner an I said in unison.

"And as my first order of business. Jean, clean the windows, they're filthy. As my second decree of terror. Reiner, start vacuuming the floors. I expect it done before we close. I am pretty sure no one will come in here on a Sunday afternoon. Capeesh?"

"Capeesh." We said flatly in unison once more.

"And when you're done with that. Well. We'll see how you go. K? Have fun." She walked around behind the counter and sat down in a swivel chair.

"Wait, Hanji, what are you gonna do?" Reiner asked her tilting his head sideways and frowning slightly.

She spun to face him. Leaning forward and doing the glasses peepy thing.

"Honey, I'm gonna supervise. Now hop to it!" She clapped her hands twice.

"Come now! Spit spot!"

____________________________________________________________________________

Three thirty seeped into the afternoon, leaving a bitter thought in my mind. Marco said he would be here about threeish. He had half an hour to get here or I was charging him a late fee. I had just about finished cleaning the windows. I had wiped down the outside and was on the last panel on the inside. Kneeling near the bottom corner. Closest to the door. I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket. I Put down the spray and rag and reached for it. One New message. Marco.

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_I see you Jean_ **

I looked up and around but he wasn't in sight. I just saw the car park and the world going by like a one sided mirror. I typed in a reply, going from kneeling to sitting. I looked at my phone. The edge of the glass just barely visible in my field of vision.

**_To: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Where are you ya numpty? I don’t see you._ **

I got a reply almost instantly

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_I need you to do something. Scoot back a bit on ya but, then without looking up, stand up. But don't look till I tell you to._ **

**_To: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Why should I do that?_ **

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Just do it. I have a surprise._ **

I smiled at that.

**_To: Marco-Polo_ **

**_You have a surprise for me already? Naw, you only met me last week ;p_ **

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Just do it or you won't get it._ **

I stared at my screen for a moment before replying

**_To: Marco-Polo_ **

I slowly scooted back, without looking up, as instructed. I don’t know why I was doing this. But whatever. Then without taking my eyes off my phone. Stood up slowly. All I could see was my phone, hands and the floor. And my feet obviously. I punched in a message.

**_To: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Should I close my eyes?_ **

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_OMG YES I'll text you when you can open them._ **

**_To: Marco-Polo_ **

**_How will I know when to open them if you text me when my eyes are shut? I won't be able to see the message._ **

**_From: Marco-Polo_ **

**_Feel the vibration dummy. :p_ **

I shook my head and closed my eyes. I slowly looked up to what I thought was regular eye level. You know, as much as I could estimate with my eyes fucking closed. My phone vibrated a moment later and when I opened em I was met with Marco. No. Cross eyed Marco with his face _pressed against the fucking glass **I literally cleaned not minutes ago**_ and he was blowing his lips on the glass so his cheeks puffed out against said window. I could see inside his mouth His perfect teeth were white as fucking snow. He had his teeth clenched. Needless to say I was terrified.

" ** _JESUS FUCKING SHIT!"_** I swore loudly and tripped on my own feet. I landed flat on my ass and scrambled backwards. Marco, fucking, pissed himself. Not literally but he may has well have. He was lost in his own little world, his laughter echoed outside as he clutched his ribs and fell over. He landed on his back, rolling and floundering on the ground still clutching his ribs and gasping for air like a fucking fish out of water. I scrambled to my feet and ran outside. Scowling at him. I saw him having a fucking seizure on the ground. Dust beginning to build in his red T-shirt and black shorts. Scuffing his runners as he flopped and kicked about.

" _MARCO! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? I JUST CLEANED THAT!"_ I screamed at him.

He was still on the ground and moved himself to look at me upside down. He was crying. With laughter. He screamed;

"OH MY GOSH! JEAN! YOUR FACE! I;M SO SORRY I JUST PFFFHHHH AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He entered into his laughing fit once again. It was fucking adorable. Seeing him writhing on the ground with laughter. I actually momentarily forgot the world existed at that point. All my anger just faded away. This bastard I swear.

"C'mon Marco, let’s get you inside before someone see's you like this. Dork." I stretched out my hand and he flipped into his stomach, grabbing my out stretched hand and hauling himself up. He wiped the tears from his eyes. Honestly.

"Yea, yea okay, let's go." He sniffled and wiped his face. Then the rest of him. I turned him around and dusted off his back. Well it stared as dusting and then my fingers were trailing down his back muscles. He seemed to relax and soften up. I snapped out the hormonal haze and said to him;

"C'mon, let's go. Reiner will vacuum you off inside."

"Yea, cheers." He sniffled again before saying;

"Hello by the way." He smiled at me and I returned it. As much as I could.

"Yea, hey. Fucking shit Marco, don't do that again."

"Your face Jean, oh my gosh. I don’t think I have ever laughed that hard in my life."

He laughed again and I just shook my head.

"So glad to hear my being afraid and falling backwards is so fucking entertaining to you."

"It really was." He snorted. Bastard. Something was missing though. A certain girl that had flanked Marco when he first walked in here. Jogged in here. I turned around and took a quick look outside before returning to Marco's side. Right where she should have been.

"Hey where's Sasha?" I asked him. He turned towards me, hands on his hips smiling slightly.

"Hm? Oh, she's just getting the movies to return. She'll be here in a sec."

"Right then. Oh yea, Reiner wanted to meet you. Yo Rei!" I yelled from across the room. I didn’t see him. But the office door was open. He emerged a moment later tangled in an electric cord. Even from this distance I heard him mumble.

"Piece of fucking shit. How do you. Son of a bitch." He untangled himself furiously from his battle with the vacuum cleaner cable. And threw it on the office. Slamming the door in frustration. A totally one sided victory that was all said sucking machine. No, not Reiner, the vacuum. He saw us standing there and waved nervously. We returned it and I pointed to Marco.

"This is Marco!"

His face lit up.

"Oh, that's the guy! Cool."

"Hey man! I'm Reiner!" He boomed across the store.

Marco nodded.

"Hey! Nice to meet you!...... D o you wanna come over here so we don't have to keep yelling?!"

"Sure!"

 Seriously. Reiner jogged over to us. He was slightly taller than Marco. He extended his tree trunk of an arm and Marco grinned and shook it.

"Nice to meet you bro."

"Yea, you too."

"Man. Jean wasn't joking, you're pretty ripped."

Marco blushed slightly and put his hand to the back of his neck.

"Uh, thanks. You're pretty big yourself, like, wow."

"Cheers." He said with a smile.

"So what do you get up to macho man? I mean, in your spare time."

I thought to myself about the time I asked him that. If he said the same thing he did then I was gonna-

His face hardened and he flexed. And posed. And flexed some more.

"Oh you know, pump iron, crunch the calories, build guns. Nothing much."

Reiner bellowed and said.

"Ah! A man of my own heart! Well done. Jean, I like this one."

Ignoring what Reiner said I spun on the spot.

 "Where's Hanji?"

As soon as those words left my mouth we heard a solid

_THUMP_

Followed by an

_"AH! Fucking table!"_

We all turned to the source of the noise as Hanji dragged herself from the floor. Her eyes were watery. And she had her phone in her hand. She didn't. Please tell me she didn't.

"Hanji. Why were you under the table?" I asked her cautiously. She sniffed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Oh, you know. Just inspecting the floor. Making sure little Rei did his job right." I scowled at her and she sighed as her eyes landed on Marco.

"Well, hello Mr. Tall, ripped and freckles."

"Uh, hey. Hanji right?"

"You know it sweetie. How you been?"

"I've been great thanks. You?"

"Awesome. Just awesome. Well now the pleasantries are out of the way let's get to the business side of things. I trust you have some movies to return?"

Marco's eyes went wide.

"Oh, yea, Sasha has em. She'll be here in a sec."

"Alrighty then. Brought the home girl. Good. We must converse."

Right on cue, Sasha walked in the door in gray and blue track suit pants and a green checkered flannel. She had the movies in one hand and water bottle in the other. Her hair fell over her shoulders in a frizzy, shaggy mess. And the bags under her eyes, I swear, you would have been able to stretch her eyelids and make a swing set out of em. She looked like shit.

She stumbled in and slid the cases into the return slot.

"Hey girl!" Hanji said brightly.

She looked up and squinted, blinking twice. She put a finger to her lips.

"Shhhhh. No loud noises or sudden movements. Potato girl is hung like a horse." She looked down, took a sip from her water bottle and then shook her head.

"I mean hung over a horse." She squinted again.

"You know what I mean."

Hanji lowered her voice.

"Okay sweetie, well when you feel better, text me. We have much more to discuss. K?"

Sasha, clearly very hung over from this morning and who should not really be driving, just slowly nodded. She looked over at Reiner and raised her head to his level.

"Oh wow. You must be Reindeer. Hey. You're bigger than Marco. Wow."

Reiner just laughed lightly.

"Um. It’s Reiner and thanks. I think." He let out another nervous chuckle. We all stood there in silence for a moment. Hanji was the first to talk. Clapping her hands together.

"So. Now that business is out of the way, how about pleasure?" She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at all of us. Marco she waggled a bit more suggestively at then the rest of us. He looked taken aback.

"What?" He asked.

"Marco, honey, I believe Jean had something to ask you."

He smiled and folded his arms, facing me. Eyes bright. Like fucking chocolate whiskey.

"Did he now? Well, c'mon Jean. Don’t leave me hanging."

I started to blush. Bastard. Just ask him out, on a real date, like Reiner suggested.

"Um. Well. I was wondering, since I was too busy being a dick to you last time. And insulting you for your choice in movie. And making your life miserable with my shitty jokes and making you feel worse probably. And calling you names and threatening to kill you because not many people can understand my humor so I'm sorry and I shouldn’t have done all that and it probably didn't feel like a real date to you and I didn’t really get to know you well enough so I was wondering. I am crashing and burning so hard here, would you like to go on a real date with me this Thursday night?"

He stared at me. Silent. Still smiling. He dropped his arms and said;

"I'd love to. And your jokes weren’t terrible, you’re a really funny guy. And I get that you didn’t like the movie and I should be apologizing to you. So yes. I would love to go on a real date with you."

I swear I could have melted at that moment. My face was on fire and he could probably see that. He was apologizing to me when I was the one being a total asswipe. This guy. This fucken guy.

"Great."

"Yea, great."

We stared at each other for a moment. Unsure of what to say next. I broke the stare and looked at Hanji and Reiner. He was leaning against the counter and Hanji had one arm over her chest, and one hand her mouth, chewing lightly on her nails. I glanced behind me and saw Sasha. Or more so, a pile of hair spread on the counter top that belonged to Sasha. I hope she was okay.

"My god, he's hopeless isn't he?" Hanji said. Drawing my attention.

"Poor dude's tripping over his words."

"Marco, honey. We're closing soon and I don’t mean to kick you out but I have to."

Marco stopped staring at me. I hadn’t realized he still was. And turned towards Hanji. His face seemed to drop for a moment. But the smile returned. Did this freckled seafood platter ever stop smiling?

"Oh, right. Yea, let's go Sash."

The pile of hair groaned in agreement and lifted up to reveal the girl in question. She mumbled something that resembled a 'see you later' and waved. She was out of the store faster than you would expect a person with a hangover to move. Reiner pulled himself from the counter and extended his arm to Marco.

"See you later bro."

Marco returned the gesture and said

"Yea, see ya man. Bye Hanji. Um. Cya Jean."

"Bye." I said with a smile. He let go of Reiner's hand and turned to walk outside. He snapped his fingers and turned around.

"Jean, about the date?"

I opened my mouth to speak but Hanji interrupted again.

"He'll pick you up at six from your place and he'll text you the rest."

Marco nodded and smiled _again._

 _That smile will be the death of me._ I thought to myself.

"Awesome. See you then Jean. Oh and before I forget, you're not a total dick. You're actually pretty cool."

I fucking beamed like a ray of sunshine I swear. Firin ma laser. Blargh.

"Thanks. Um. I'll text you later."

"I look forward to it." He winked and shot off around the corner.

Reiner slapped his hand on my shoulder.

"You got yourself a good one there. He actually get's your sense of humor." He chuckled and Hanji joined in on the teasing. I blocked it out and just stayed focused on where he ran off to.

"Yea. He's something alright." I mumbled to myself. Adorable prick. The wink didn’t help either. I was back to volcano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty there ya go. Chapter three/four. How was that? Did you enjoy it? I hope you did because I had fun writing it. I don't have much to say apart from sorry for not updating, I have just had no time or motivation to write lately but I do have a very clear idea of where I want to go with this. See you all next chapter. Cheers.  
> -Drew


	6. Back-story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean prepares himself for the date. The week flies by uneventfully. Mum asks questions and dad is back. Let's start with that last one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here is chapter 5/6 I know because of the prologue it list this as chapter six, but yea. Please excuse the anime references and bad puns and inducing of feels. I am trash. I know. Anyway I don't have much to say right now apart from I should start writing Marco's P.O.V soon. Maybe I’ll start that next chapter and I also have an idea for another AU I wanna try out. But right now this is my main focus. Without further stalling, let's get to it.

Sunday night. Peaceful. BORING. Fun day at work. Slower than a heard if tortoise running a marathon through a field of Nutella. But fun. And Marco was a bonus. I did have to clean the window again however. Hanji made sure of that. Anyway, I got home at around four thirty, because I was talking to Reiner and Hanji for a while, don’t shoot me, nothing bad happened. And things were going great. But lo and behold my father just had to ruin that. Surprise. He wasn't always like this. I mean, his views on same sex issues have always been like that so that's not a new development. But lately he changed into the person that just seems to be having a hard time at work so he will take it out on his family.

He couldn't just go to the gym like mum or have a coffee or cigarette or whatever. By the way, I don’t endorse smoking anything in any way. It's bad. End of story. But back to dad. He just had to release his pent up anger and frustration and tiredness on other people. Now I know where I get it from. I was always the more secluded person. I didn’t like to drag people in to things and I didn’t like to be dragged into things. If there was one thing I hated more than life at certain times. It was having people worry about me or constantly ask if I was okay. Those were times when the mask slipped slightly. When cracks appeared in my armor, showing the shadows beneath. Let's get on with the story anyhow.

I walked in the back door at 4:30pmish and saw my mum standing in the kitchen, leaning against the island table. She had her arms crossed and her bangs had fallen in her face. Her back was turned to me. I approached and managed to get a closer look. She stared at the ground. Her expression matched the wooden floor. She didn’t look well. Lost in her thoughts. I hated seeing her like this, it usually meant something bad had happened. I walked up to her putting an arm on her shoulder, startling her she looked at me. Her green eyes full of sorrow.

"Mum, what’s wrong?" I asked her, worried.

"Oh Jean. Goodness I didn’t hear you come in." She waved a hand at me and took a step away before re-crossing her arms.

"I'm fine Jeanie-boy. It’s nothing really."

"Mum." I said to her sternly. She sighed. And looked down again. 

"It's just your father-"

"Why what's he done? Did he hurt you?" I looked her up and down and she spun and looked at me wide eyed, lips parted.

"Oh god, no. Why would you think that?"

"I'm just worried."

"Well, let me finish, no I'm fine." I let out a breath I didn’t realize I'd been holding. Now she looked concerned. 

"Your father, he just. We had an argument over something. It's nothing really. Just. You might want to avoid him for a little while. That's all." She rubbed her hands along my arms. I suppose you could call it my mum's nervous tick. Not really a tick as more of a reassurance. A comforting gesture. Although she needed it more than I did right now.

"So where is he now?" I looked around and outside the kitchen doors into the backyard.

"He's outside on the lounge. Just. Go say hi and then…." She broke off.

"I won't say anything, it's probably better." She sighed.

"Okay Jeanie-boy. C'mere." She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. I returned it and she rubbed small circles in my back. I almost didn’t want to let go. It's strange but it felt like I was hugging Marco. Sure it had only been once but I felt that same sense of security. Safety. But also tinged with something else. Like the other person was holding something back but didn't want to let it go. I eventually and reluctantly let go. She ran her hands over my arms again and said.

"Thanks. Now go get changed, dinner will be ready at around six thirty. I just wanna watch the news first." She smiled. But it didn't make me feel better. 

"Cheers mum." I smiled back and walked around her. My feet echoing in the hallway. I reached my room and flung my bag on the corner. Shutting the door with my foot before kicking off my shoes. And then decided I wanted to have a shower. So I did just that. I grabbed a fresh towel, some clothes and jumped in the shower. And then put on some amity affliction. I know, I know, I'm so emo and all that and have sad feelings and shit taste in music. Shut the fuck up, my life, my choice of music. Deal with it. Anyway I put on their album "Let the ocean take me" and slid into the shower. I turned the faucet just as the singing started on track one. The water heat up pretty quickly. I felt it run over my skin. The warm water flowing through my hair, down my face and to the rest of my body. Draining away to the…. Drain. Yea, well I wasn't in there for long because my dad, (totally didn't see that coming huh?)Decided to slam on the door and scream at me, through the door. His voice muffled by the white wooden barrier.

"Turn that shit down! Better yet, turn it off!" he screamed.

I shouldn’t have done what I did but I didn’t like him. He didn't like me and he made mum upset. I got out of the shower, but left the water running. The water dripping on the floor, reached for the door handle. And locked it. It agreed with as soft

"Click."

"Sorry can't hear you!" I semi yelled back.

"Did you just lock the door on me!?" He was screaming by this point so I figured, fuck it. I turned my music up. The screaming and drum beat drowning out his voice. Drowning out the world. Just the way I liked it. I stepped back under the water and started washing myself. I could barely hear his thumping over the music. It sort of blended into the beat of the music. All I heard was muffled shouting. So I tilted my head back, closed my eyes and let the water rush my ears. All I could hear was the soft screaming of the music in the background. Hot water running over my head, the lyrics to the song barely audible.

"I've been searching for an exit, but I'm lost inside my head. Where I spend every waking moment, wishing this would end."

Before I knew it the song had stopped and I had stood under the water like that for a good three minutes afterwards. I shook my head and the water out of my hair and turned off the water. I hadn’t even used soap or shampoo or anything. I any as well have stood out in the rain. The only difference was that this was warmer. A lot warmer. A little too warm. My skin was red. Like there was fire in my skin. I quickly dried myself off and put on my clothes. Black trackies and a Zelda shirt. I got it from a video game store a couple weeks ago with Bertholtd. I should see how he was going. I made a mental note to text him later. I finished drying my hair and smoothing it out. Because you know how hair gets after a shower. I padded down to my room, hurriedly and shut my door.

Locking that as well. No sign of dad. I was just going to take mums advice and avoid him. Even though that’s what I usually did. I'd have to face him at dinner though. Boy was that going to be an adventure. So I thought at this moment, why not just piss around on Tumblr till dinner? So I grabbed my laptop, switched it on and slumped sideways on my bed. I logged on, got bored. Checked Face book. Nothing. Bored again. E-mails. Some spam in Spanish and then again in English signed by someone named John who apparently does great rates on website design. Deleting that I logged off, bored again. Fuck it. I was gonna watch some more Bleach. Finish watching it anyway.

And by finish I mean pick up where I left off. Ichigo was having a hell of a time against Grimjow. This was one of my favorite battles and no I do not ship them. I never understood that. I swear some people just took the characters that hated each other the most and passed off all the violence and desire to kill as sexually frustrated and in reality they are deeply in love with each other. I just didn’t see it. I saw a desire to kill each other not fuck. Man that pisses me off but whatever, people can ship what they want and I shouldn’t be on some high fucking horse acting like I know everything about anime. And before I knew It once more there was a knocking. A knocking at my chamber door. Quoth the mother

"Jean. Dinner."

Not what I was expecting but better.

"Okay, be out in a minute."

She walked away. I shut my laptop, got up off my bed, landed wrong on my ankle, cramped it, swore and rolled around on the ground in excruciating pain, much like Marco was with laughter earlier today. I still hadn’t forgiven him for that, I worked hard to clean those windows. But I got up, stretched to avoid cramping anything else and prepared myself for dinner. With dad. But mum would be there. That wouldn't stop him. But I would. If he said anything I was out of there. Simple. Same as last time. Scoff dinner, say thanks to mum and head off. What time did I have work tomorrow? 2pm till 10pm. That's good. Wait, what a great idea, I could go out and plan the date. Walk around, make a map and practice dialogue, what was I saying? Why was I so nervous. It was Marco. I swear this would be easier if we started as friends and then built a relationship from there. You know, strangers to acquaintances to friends to best friends to fuck buddies, to lovers or something. I don't know how this shit works. But I could go out and scope the area. Do some scouting. Maybe I could bring Hanji… She could be part of the legion. Hell, she is the fucking commander of this relationship so far. Wait, what relationship. Oh my gosh, chill out Jean you haven’t even been on an actual date yet.

I stutter over my words and Hanji is like 'okay you go here, do this, this and this and maybe he might like you'. Or something along those lines. Oh right. Dinner. With Mum. And. Dad. After the shower episode which I was actually quite pleased with myself about, there was gonna be an argument. Just play it off, try and avoid sarcasm and don't look at him. Avoid contact at all if possible. Man I sounded like I was in a game of C.O.D. Avoid contact with targets. Hostiles inbound. I took a deep breath and opened my door. So far so good. I walked down the hallway almost silently. The windows in the roof, sorta like skylights but on the side so more so the windows fucking high up on the ridiculously tall wall. 

Moonlight streaming in through the windows and artificial yellow kitchen light contrasting with the silver that ran down the wall. It would have looked nice if I didn’t know what lay beyond there. So I slowly approached. Put my head down, took another deep breath and walked into the dining area. I could feel his eyes on me. Burning into my head. The once warm water and pleasant tingle that had graced my body like fire running under my skin was now replaced by a burning sensation that was far from pleasant. It was cold and harsh. A cold burn like ice. Bastard. I avoided eye contact and sat down next to him at the table. My mum across from me. I stare at the plate of butter chicken in front of me. 

The steam swirling up to my face. I inhaled it, the scent rushing to the back of my nose and down into my lungs. I picked up my fork and started eating. I still felt his eyes on me. I risked a glance sideways and saw he had his arms crossed. Food untouched. Same as last time. Sometimes I wonder why he bothered sitting at the table when he wasn’t going to do anything but just that. I wanted to say something but I kept my mouth shut. He had other plans. 

"What did you do Jean?"

Pretty fucken vague question there, dad. I do a lot of things. I was almost finished. I wanted to pretend I didn't hear him. Go back to the shower and drown him out with water and music. He repeated his question, more sternly this time. He was looking for a fight, I could almost sense it.

"What did you do Jean?"

Fuck it. I was almost done. Play dumb. Without looking at him and mumbling around a mouthful of spiced chicken I replied;

"What do you mean dad?"

"Don’t play dumb."  
Too late asshole, already said it mentally. You and I both know how this is gonna play out. Let's get it over with.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about. If you'll excuse me I am going to go to my room now." I got up to leave but he yelled at me.

"Sit down Jean!"

"Now." He added quietly.

I reluctantly obliged. This was gonna be fun. Don’t look at him.

"Look at me."

Fuck you. I thought to myself. Didn't say it out loud though, obviously. I didn’t want to see the look he was going to give me. 

"Look. At. Me." He said slowly. This guy was like a broken record. I wasn't going to look at him. I kept my eyes down. I wasn't going to start a fight. At least that's what I thought. 

"Can you hurry up and tell me what's wrong with you so I can go?"

"Don't talk to me like that." 

"Then get to the point." My voice was rising. I still didn't look at him.

"My point is what you did in the shower-"

"I think what I do or don’t do in the shower is my business and all I was doing was exactly that. Having a shower." I interrupted him.

"You know exactly what I mean." His voice was rising now.

"If this is about me locking the door well excuse me for wanting some privacy."

"You live in my house and you will follow my rules."

"I wasn't aware listening to music while I shower and locking a door was a crime in your house." I retorted.

Silence hung in the air between us. Mum was utterly quiet. I glanced up and spied her staring at the table. Eating very slowly.

"You little asshole." Pathetic, he was going to insult me now? I had won again, that much was clear. Mum interjected but dad cut her off.

"David please, there isn’t any need for-"

"You stay out of this Celine." He uncrossed his arms and pointed, that fucken set me off. I turned to look at him and lost it.

"Don't talk to her like that!"

"What are you going to do about it? Huh Jean?"

"You-" I bit my tongue to stop from saying something I'd regret.

Mum tried to talk again but dad cut her off again.

"David please you just-"

"I said stay out of it! This has nothing to do with you! It’s between Jean and I so shut up!"

"Don't you fucken tell her to shut up!" I yelled at him. My mum's face dropped.

"Jean! Language!" Mum yelled.

"Yea, you better watch your mouth or you'll get a hell of a thrashing!"

Wow dad, wait to try and intimidate me there. I wasn’t fucking scared of you.

"Mum, I'm sorry but I am sick of the way he treats you!" I turned to her, worried. I was not going to drag her into this. I wasn't going to drag anyone into this. Ever.

"That's no reason to swear." She was quiet. And I noticed she didn’t try and defend herself against my accusation. You know what? Fuck it. I looked right at him leaning forward.

"This isn’t just about what I did. Yea I had a shower and I put on some music you don't like but that's not it is it? That's not enough to piss you off. You're just stressed out because of work and instead of dealing with it you take it out on your family!"

"You know that isn’t fucken true!" We were both screaming at this point. I wasn't in full control of my words. Rage was blinding me. 

"Isn’t it dad!? Then what is it?! What is it really?! Why are you so fucken angry over the most trivial things?!"

"Because you don't respect me or your mother!" He screamed.

"I respect mum because she deserves it. After what you've done, you don't." I said it quietly. I heard my mum gasp but I could care less at this moment. I didn’t want to hurt her, but sometimes shit happened.

"I am your father." 

"WELL YOU SURE DON’T FUCKEN ACT LIKIE IT!" I belted. And then I was belted. The next thing I remember there was a sharp crack and I was facing my mum. The look on her face. She was in pain. So was I. She was close to tears. And so was I. My cheek stung and there was a ringing in my ears. He had hit me. He slapped me right across the face. I didn’t know how to react. So I slowly turned to face him. Scowling. He lowered his arm and leant forward.

"Don’t you ever talk like that to me again or you're fucken out of here. Understand?"

I just scowled. I wasn't breathing. I was choking back tears. I had a bitter taste in my mouth, like I was trying to swallow battery acid. And my face stung like a bitch. He leant closer. We were almost face to face.

"Do you understand?" He said slowly. It was dripping with rage. I could feel the heat radiating from his expression alone. I resisted the urge to spit in his face. But let me tell you now I wish I did. I would have if mum wasn't here. It would have ended in a fist fight. It hadn't before but I wouldn't put it past him. But protecting mum was my first priority. I kept the glare for a moment longer before getting up silently. I grabbed my plate and put it in the dishwasher. I walked around the corner and past mum. She had her head in her hands.

"Thanks mum."

"No problem." She mumbled through her fingers. She was almost crying. I hated myself. I hated dad at this moment. I hated everything. It's a wonder I didn’t have a fucking panic attack right now. I was breathing again but it wasn't slow. I stormed down the hallway and flung open my door. I went to slam it but stopped myself.

Don’t give him the satisfaction.

I slowly and quietly closed my door. And started packing a bag. I just couldn't stay here a moment longer. I needed to get away. I didn’t know where. I would try ringing Reiner and Hanji. See if I could stay the night at either if their places. Bertholtd was out of the question. He was going through enough as it was. Maybe I should avoid Reiner as well. He seemed to have something going on. Granted I didn’t know what it was but hey, may as well ask. Fuck it, I'd ask him anyway. It was Reiner, he was a tank. Not that I'm saying Bertie is weak or anything but I'm sure Reiner would understand if I explained the situation. I am getting defensive and ranting again. So I grabbed a duffle bag from my wardrobe. Threw in random clothes, still making sure I had everything. Even work clothes.

Even in blind anger I was still able to grab what I needed. I whipped on my shoes and a jumper, walked, or more likely briskly strode in fury down to the bathroom and grabbed the essentials. Back to my room to grab my keys. And closing the door behind me. By the time I got to the kitchen I saw mum standing at the sink. No sign of dad. Her eyes puffy and red. She had been crying. I made her cry. I felt like I had been punched in the gut but I walked it off. She saw me and looked me up and down, her eyes lingering on the bag. 

"Jean, where are you going? Are you-"

I cut her off with a hug. A quick one. I let go and stepped back.

"Mum. I'm sorry, this isn’t your fault so please don't blame yourself I just need to get away from him…. Away from here for a little while. I have my phone on me and I will let you know what's happening."

"Jean, please I know you're angry but don’t do this. He doesn’t mean it."  
"I don’t want to start an argument with you so I won’t say anything. I'm sorry again but I just can't be here right now."

"Where are you going to go?"

"Bertie's." I lied. I hated lying to her. Truth is I didn't know where I was going to go. At least in this point in time. That feeling was back, my stomach was in knots. She was silent. Biting her lip. Her eyes searched mine. She looked so worried. I didn't want to keep looking so I gave her a quick hug before apologizing again.

"Just. Don’t do anything stupid and text me within the hour or I'm sending out a search party. Okay?"

"I will. Now I have to go before-" Now I was cut off by none other than dad walking in through the kitchen door from the backyard. He saw me and scowled. His eyes also lingering on the duffel bag.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

I returned the scowl and simply said.

"Out."

I walked around my mum and out the back door. I could hear my dad yelling at me but mum blocked him from following. I silently thanked her for what she did. She put herself at risk like that so I could get away from him. It gave me the chance to speed up. Gain an upper hand. I think under all the false pretenses of me saying I was fine, she knew there was something off. But hell, anyone with ears would have seen that. Bad analogy I know but I'm not worried about it at this time. What mum did however was give me the few extra seconds I needed to jump in the car, throw my bag on the passenger seat and turn the ignition. The car rumbling to life. Fast, like it knew the urgency at which I had to escape. I quickly backed out of the garage in time to see my dad standing at the door. I avoided his glare as I put it into drive and sped off onto the road. I made it to the bridge before the tears started to flow like the water beneath me.  
__________________________________________________________________________

I didn't drive for long before pulling into the overflow parking lot at the shopping complex. It was deserted and I needed to be alone. I sat there in the darkness. Window down slightly letting on the cool night air, the trees silhouetted against the light pollution of the complex, creating dark tendrils against a faded orange and yellow background. Shame I didn't have my camera on me. It made a bitter sweet picture. I sat there for another five minutes just thinking about nothing. You know how you do that? Don’t know how to react to something so you just stare into space. Your thoughts just stop altogether, you're there but not quite, you're aware yet you're brain dead, you’re alive but not truly living…..

Okay maybe that one was little melodramatic. But still. I was so angry. I was so frustrated. I was so annoyed. I was so perplexed. I was so…. I was so…. So…. Fucking furious at everything right now. I swear if someone came over and asked if I was okay I'd punch the fucker out. But part of me was glad that I stood up to him. Part of me was sad that I made my mother feel that way. And I hated myself. I put my mother in so much danger. She risked getting between me and him just so I could get away. I wasn't sure how to take her reaction. I honestly thought she would have if dad hadn’t walked in when he did. If he laid a hand on her after I left I swear. Well I don’t know what I'd do but when I found out he better have some wicked healing or regeneration powers. Just so I could beat the crap out of him when I was done the first time. If he dared to lay a hand on mum. I'd lose it. But enough of that. I should probably get out of here. I needed a place to stay, I wasn't going to sleep in my car in a parking lot overnight. Alone. It's not like in was in an explicitly bad area that was renowned for crime or whatever. It just wasn't safe. I sighed and rubbed my face. I glanced over at my bag and then stared. I should ring someone. See what I can do. Admittedly I thought about going back. But I pushed the thought aside and slowly reached for my bag. Unzipping it and pulling out my phone. I clicked the lock button and the screen flashed. 2 messages. One missed call. Missed call. Mum. Message. Her telling me to call her.  
Other message. My service provider telling me I had a missed call from mum. Honestly.

I deleted the messages and called her. She picked up on the first ring. Must have had it sitting next to her or probably in her hands. I could see it now. Sitting in the lounge room. Thumb rubbing against it like it was a worry stone. Her voice came through the line. Panicked and fast paced.

"Jean! Are you okay?!"

"Mum, I'm fine. It's only been 30 minutes." I heard her sigh.

"I know. But…. I worry about you. Please just come home, your father is fine now." Her voice cracked.

I knew she was lying. He was still fuming. She knew that I knew that she was lying. I didn’t want to do this to her. She didn’t deserve to be put through this. No one did.

"Mum. Please, I know you're worried but I'm fine and I'm almost at Berthold's so relax."

"You mean you're not there now? Where are you?"

"I'm just at the shopping centre I-"

"So you’re not that far away, please just come home Jean." She sounded broken.

"I can't do that-"

"Yes you can." She said it sternly. Yet softly.

"I'm not coming back tonight, okay? I'm sorry but I am going now. I'll call you when I'm at Bert's okay?"

Another lie. What was that? Three now? In one night? I had to stop this. The line was silent for a moment. I could barely hear her breathing. She finally and reluctantly said;

"Okay. But call me when you're there and I want to speak to him to know he is okay with this. Alright?"

Shit.

"Yea, alright." Number four I think. I'd just put her on to Reiner or something. Explain later.

"Good. Be safe. Drive carefully. I love you."

"Yea, you too."

"Bye."

"Cya."

I hung up first. I didn't want to hear this a moment longer. I Not that I was angry at my mum or anything I just didn’t want to hear her so sad. I lowered my phone and stared at the screen till he went dim. I felt like shit. That was the only way to put it. It’s incredible that the you know what didn't flare up. Or more so drag me down. Pun not intended. I really should call someone though. I ran through a list in my mind. Bert? No, he had enough going on. I wasn't gonna drag him into my family issues. Let's see. Boss? Absolutely fucken not. What would he do anyway? Tell me to man up and punch my dad in the face after I dropped and gave him fifty? I chuckled lightly at the thought. That would actually be pretty funny. Reiner? Better not. I don’t know what was going on with him but I better stay out of it. No. I'd ask him about it at work or something. Hanji was really the only immediate person left. I mean, I don’t think she would mind or anything. And she was only twenty minutes away. Really she was the only one who I didn’t think had anything going on. I still had Thomas' number. I wonder if he changed it or something.

No. I mentally slapped myself. What the fuck was I thinking? No way. Marco. Marco? Definitely not. One half date and a confrontation at work did not amount to 'Hey my dad is an asshole and I need a place to stay cuz I stormed out with my stuff'. It just wasn't equivalent trade. Hopefully I wouldn't need to sacrifice an arm or something. Fuck it. Hanji it was. I scrolled through my meager list of numbers and found it. Tapping on the contact and the screen flashing her image in response. It was a selfie of her with her tongue out and glasses lowered, doing the trademark 'Hanji look'. It made me smile as I put the phone to my ear. It rang three times. Her voice came over the line. Surprised.

"Jean? Hi. What’s up? You never call."

"Hey Hanji, yea I know. Listen I'm going to cut to the chase. Can I come over?"

She hesitated.

"Yea, what for?"

I had to tell her.

"Long story short, I left my house and I have a bag."

"You're a fucking idiot."

That was a shock. No really I wasn't expecting that.

"What?"

"You heard me. Now get your ass over here in the next ten minutes so I can scold you some more or I'm coming to get you."

"It’s a twenty minute drive to your place though." I said flatly.

"Fifteen minutes then. You better start driving Kirschtien."

She hung up. That went. Better than I expected? I mean, she only swore at me once but…. No that was terrible. I was expecting her to ask me what was wrong and now I'm gonna get scolded. Probably yelled at. This was gonna be fun. I threw my phone into my bag, zipping it up and turned on the ignition. I pulled out of the car park, pulling my seatbelt on as I rounded the corner. The stupid alarm wouldn't shut up. You know the seatbelt one? If you don't wear it a little alarm sounds. You know what I'm talking about. Well. I began the drive to Hanji's or looking back as I like to call it. The path to a good verbal beating.  
______________________________________________________________________________  
I made it to Hanji's in record time. 19 minutes instead of 20, a new personal best. I was feeling pretty light hearted despite what had happened and what was going to happen. I mean, Hanji had taken it better than I expected. She actually wanted me at her house, that's probably what made me feel better. At least someone wanted me in their house. I pulled up in front of her house. Or more so to the side. I was on the curb, pulled over to the side of the road, I'm shit at describing this stuff okay? Leave me alone. The nearest streetlight was a few houses ahead so it didn't really illuminate much in my immediate vicinity. I could just barely see her front lawn. And a the outline of her house thanks to the front door light that was on.

I was nervous, it wasn't like Hanji to get so angry over the little things. Not that me storming out after I had an argument with my dad wasn't a little thing. But it wasn't big either. It was dust swept under the mat important not 5 o'clock news headline important. That’s how I saw it anyway. Clearly Hanji was the latter. Anyway her house was pretty average. A red brick house with a blue corrugated roof. A driveway and a garage, front door stuck onto the side of the house in an odd square, rectangle oblong shape. A lot of houses seemed to be like that. It had the main bedroom, (Hers) facing out towards the street and some ivy vines growing over and around the window, onto the roof and dangling from the gutters. Unable to find anything else to sufficiently grasp onto, the vines just hung there. Suspended in the air. I saw a leaf fall slowly to the ground.

The front door light was on and the blinds in the main bedroom were down. The driveway was empty. She must have parked in the garage. That is what garages are supposed to be used for after all. Not just junk you can’t be fucked to throw out. Whatever, I'm stalling and you probably don't want to hear about how her house looks anyway. I reached into my bag and grabbed my phone for the third time that night. Another record. I texted Hanji saying I was outside and I shit you not. Less than 5 seconds later I heard the sound of metal hitting brick, hard and then Hanji was standing in her driveway. Looking pissed. And I mean really fucking pissed. Like you have no idea. She was in a white singlet and hello kitty pajama pants. Her hair messily tied back, glasses down the bridge of her nose. He eyes piercing the darkness between us. She slowly raised a hand and beckoned with one finger before dropping her hand to her side. One hand on her hip. She looked like witch. A scary witch. That was pissed the fuck off. I suppose she had every right to be. I swallowed and grabbed my bag. I hesitated before walking towards her, ever. So. Slowly. One step at a time. I reached her and she hadn't moved. She looked like she wasn't breathing. I stood a foot away from her. I nervously smiled;

"Hey Han-"  
I didn’t even get to finish saying hello before she pounced on me. Not literally but less than an instant later she was grabbing me by the arm, her grip like a vice and started dragging me behind her. Her hair smacking me in the face as she spun.

"Get your ass inside now."

I saw the door fly open, the wooden on get tossed aside and then I was thrown in. I stumbled and tripped in the entryway and fell on my stomach a few feet away from the door. Her room was to the right and the living room was to the left. I caught a glimpse of the stark orange wall before hearing the screen door slam and lock and the thick wooden door follow soon after. I turned over so I was on my back, leaning on my elbows, my bag thrown down behind me by her brute force. She spun again and looked down at me. Her eyebrows pinched together and lips pulled into a tight line. She had her hands on her hips. I understand why she was mad but she didn’t have to man handle me to the floor.

"What was that-"

"You don't get to say a fucking word about me till I finish asking you questions Kirschtien, got it!?"

She pointed at me. Leaning forward. I was taken aback by her sudden outburst. Gone was the girl who had taken me clothes shopping for a date. In her place stood the embodiment of fury. Towering over me. I cautiously nodded.

"I want short answers. No bullshit. Got it?" She sounded slightly calmer but still on edge.

I nodded again.

"Good. One, what happened?"

"I had an argument with my dad."

"Is that it?"

"And I left." I shot a look sideways then locked eyes with her again.

"Two. What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm lying on your floor, you threw me here."

"Don't you fucking sass me Jean. Three. What the actual fuck man?"

"Excuse me?" I cocked my head to the side.

She ran a hand through her dark brown hair, a few wisps coming undone from the hastily made ponytail and falling in front her face. I was briefly reminded if the ivy vines. She sighed and shook her head. Before taking another deep breath. Calming down. She extended her arm and said;

"Get up." She demanded fiercely.

I took her hand and hauled myself up. I was shocked again at how quickly her mood had changed. It was probably a good thing. Now she had calmed down. I didn’t mean to make her so angry. She pulled me into a hug and buried her head in my shoulder. She rubbed her hand in circles on my back. I returned the gesture. She held me there for a moment before letting go. She kept her hands on my shoulders. She looked into my eyes.

"Jean, my dear, what are you doing?" she asked me. Eyes now soft. Hands dropped by her side.

"Can I sass you now or what?" I said a little angry that she threw me to the floor. She let out a sigh through her nose.

"Sure. Whatever. But seriously, what the hell man? What were you thinking? Do you know how worried I was about you? What about your family? Does anyone else know?" she rattled off the questions.

"I wasn't thinking, I just wanted to get out of the house after my dad slapped me. Hard. Please don’t worry about me, you don't have to and my family is fine. As good as it's gonna get right now anyway. And no. no one knows I'm here."

"Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?" She rubbed her hands up and down my arms, eyes scanning me for any damage.

"I-I'm fine Hanji. I feel better now I'm here. Thanks by the way."

"Anytime, my dear, absolutely anytime. C'mon. I'll make some tea."

She led me through the living room, past the stark orange wall and into the kitchen. A small apartment like one with a 'U' shaped counter and an island in the middle. She sat me down at the dining table and took my bag into the other lounge room. She dumped it on the chocolate colored furniture in question and began making tea. We stared at each other in silence before I turned away. I could still feel her eyes on me. Not in a bad way, more of a concerned sort of way. Almost motherly. The kettle or jug or whatever you want to call it boiled and moments later she handed me a mug. I gratefully took it thanking her as I did so. The ceramic cup warming my hands. I just realized how cold I was and shivered. I stared at the cup for a moment. Watching the steam drift upwards before inhaling the scent. Rich and smooth. I took a small sip. Fuck it was hot. But fuck it was good.

"Let's find a more comfy place to sit and then we talk okay?" I looked up at her and she raised her eyebrows. She looked worried. She didn't need to be, I was here now, though I wonder how mum was doing. Shit I had to call her and let her know I was okay.

"Wait, Hanji. I have to call my mum and let her know what’s happening." Her eyes widened slightly and she shook her head.

"Okay but first sit on the longue and get comfy, alright? I'll get your phone." She strode off into the lounge room and grabbed my phone. There must have been something pretty scary on the screen because she almost dropped my phone.

"Shit Kirschtien I am calling your mother right now." She said sternly.  
She unlocked it and swiped the screen, placing down her cup and tidying her hair. It was a phone call not a video call. She placed the phone to her ear. Wait, how did she know my pass code? I shouldn’t be surprised. I got up from the table and walked around to the lounge, slumped into the poofy cushion and sinking back into it like a beanbag. It was probably the best decision I had made all night. I heard the phone ring twice and then mum's almost in audible voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello? Jean?"

"Hey, Mrs. Kirschtien? It's Hanji." I didn’t really her the rest of the conversation because she started pacing.

"I'm Jean's work friend. I think we met once….. Yea, that's right…. Yes he is fine, he is sitting on my lounge drinking tea…. He told you what?" Her eyes flicked towards me.

"No… He shouldn’t make you worry like that…. Well he is here and safe. So don’t worry about it…. He can stay as long as he wants, it's really no trouble honey….. Okay, thank you. Yes, I'll put him on."

She stone facedly handed me the phone. I reluctantly took it. And put it to my ear. Sighing I said;

"Hey mum."

"Jean, you idiot why didn't you call me? I was so worried."

There it was again. Her catchphrase. She didn’t need to worry. I hated when people worried about me. Regardless of who they were. I didn’t crash, it wasn't raining, I haven’t been mugged. So why worry? I fucking hated when people worried about me. It really pissed me off. I could take care of myself. The amount of times I pulled myself back from the edge should be enough to get that message across. Of course I kept going back. Just lucky that I didn’t jump.

"I'm fine mum."

"Well I don’t know that Jean! You could have crashed! Something could have happened!"

"Well it didn’t so relax."

Wrong. Words. Kirschtien.

"Relax?! You are my son! How can I relax if I don't know where you are!? What is going on!? You could have been splattered on the side of a tree somewhere and I wouldn't know! I might never have seen you again!"

This was making me feel really guilty now. Note to anyone who see's this. Always. Call. Your. Mother. Never let someone worry where you are.

"Okay." I said it bluntly. I wanted to hang up. I wanted to leave again. I just wanted to run away. Again.

"That's all you have to say?! You could have been dead and all you can say is okay!?" she screamed at me through the phone.

"Mum. Look I'm sorry I made you worry but I'm fine, I've called, it's all good. Alright?" I was a little angry now. Even though I had absolutely no right to be.

There was silence for a moment and I looked up to see Hanji staring at me. Arms crossed and eyes wide behind her glasses. I shouldn’t be surprised. What mum was saying was pretty brutal but I deserved all of it. Admittedly I shouldn’t have stormed out like that.

"Mum? Still there?"

There was a long, deep, sigh and my mother's voice returned.

"Yes. I'm here. I'm sorry, I shouldn't get so mad at you. But, you're okay now and that's what matters. Jesus Jean, you know I hate when you drive angry." Her voice cracked.

"Yea, I know. I'll try and be better. Okay?"

"Promise me you'll come back tomorrow?"

I hesitated. I suppose I would have to go back eventually, I couldn’t just chill at Hanji's for a week. And I didn’t have bathroom supplies. Just a half empty bottle of cheap deodorant and an almost empty tube of toothpaste and toothbrush. Plus all my stuff was still at my house. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome either. And I didn’t want to make my mother feel like I was running away. Man that woman wields guilt like a butcher knife.

"We'll see mum. Day after tomorrow at the latest."

"Call me every day so I know you're okay, alright?"

"Yea, will do."

"Good….. Stay safe Jean. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."

I hung up without another word. It wasn't anything major, she was probably just going to say bye as well. So it was okay. Right? Nothing to worry about. Whatever. I slowly lowered the phone and Hanji's rug suddenly became very interesting. A wavy zebra rug with some of her stuck in the fibers. I tried to draw patterns. Pretty hard when all you have are black and white lines. That are straight. And form no pattern. Even if you try. Really hard. I raised my head and was met with Hanji staring at me intently, chewing her fingernail. Nervous. Don’t know why.

"What?" I deadpanned. 

"Don't what me, you know what." She spat. Why was she so moody? Yeah I had done the wrong thing but I was gonna do something I did great and bottle all this negative energy up and forget about it.

" Forget about it, c'mon tell me all about what happened. She picked up my mug and handed to me. I took it and held it between two hands. The warmth spreading through me again. She placed hers on a small, circular glass table and sat down cross legged facing me before picking it up again.

"Alright, tell me what happened and don't be afraid to leave out the details."

I did as she said, replaying it exactly, she didn’t interrupt me once. I recited the scenes as if it was play I had written. I had to put down my mug on the table because I started talking with my hands. Not in a puppet way but moving em about and waving and so on. She kept silent up until the part where I said he hit me.

"Wait, wait, wait, he struck you? Like across the face? Just, Wabamo?"

"Wabamo."

"What the actual fuck? He has no right to do that Jean." She started to get angry.

"It's not just the fact that you're almost nineteen, he has no right to hit his own kid. Or anyone! Has he hit you before?"

"Not for a while."

"How long is a while sweetheart?"

"Since I was little."

"Has he hit your mum?" She asked cautiously. I was filled with fury at that question, but I suppressed it.

"Not that I know of, but if he does….. I'll snap him in half."

I looked over at Hanji who was taken aback. Literally and metaphorically, she was leaning back and looked like I just slapped her. It seems to be a recurring thing. Slapping. And me.

"Good on you. But you might wanna relax a but there Jean, I don’t think your hands can take that much pressure for much longer. Also, I like that mug."

"What?" I asked her, scrunching up my face.

I looked down and realized I had my hands clasped together very tightly, knuckles white. Shit, I hadn't even noticed. That and I was hunched over. I took a breath, unclasped my hands and leant back, splaying my hands to stretch and release the pressure. I continued with the story up till I was dragged inside by Hanji. I ended it with a 'so yea' and looked over at her again. She had her elbow on the top of the lounge and was resting her head against her hand.

"Glad to see you care more about the mug."

"I like the mug." She shot back.

"It's a nice mug."

She sighed through her nose again

"Shit Kirschtien. If I knew the full story I wouldn’t have been so rough with you honey."

"It’s alright. I feel better now I vented to you. Thanks for listening I guess." I tried a smile and she returned it. Moving to pet my arm.

"No problem honey. Now, as I said feel free to stay as long as you need. And I want you perky and cheery by Thursday okay?"

"Thursday?" I cocked my head to the side.

 

"Your date with freckles?"

"Oh shit I forgot."

Hanji shook her head.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Help me, hopefully."

"Alright, let's go through the basics and then get you to bed sweetie. We have the opening shifts tomorrow."

"We do?" I asked he worriedly.

"You hopeless bastard. Yes we do."

"Okay, let’s make this quick."

"Agreed."

We ran through a list of ideas, good and bad and some just terrible. All on my part of course, I hadn't been on a real date in ages alright? Excuse me if my ideas are fucking awful. Anyway, we eventually agreed to a plan that was originally Reiner's but modified. She ran through it with me again.

"Okay, now repeat to me the plan."

"I pick him up from his place, compliment him on his outfit."

"Good." She nodded.

"Then we drive to Terrigal, making light conversation. Then when we get there I escort him to some restaurant that he suggests, maybe."

"No maybe, don’t be controlling, let him make decisions and then go along with em. If he suggests pizza, do pizza. If he suggests fancy, do fancy."

"Pizza is fancy, Hanji." I said to her. Smiling. She chuckled.

"True that. Keep going." She flicked her wrist at me.

Okay, then after that we keep talking at dinner and then grab dessert maybe-"

"Only if he asks you first honey. Don’t be pushy, that boy is probably so conscious about his sugar intake."

"I know right? So then after dinner we go for a walk along the beach, I lead him up to the lookout and then I be all romantic and put the moves on him."

"Excellent, you gotta be Kirsch-FINE. Remember that."

I laughed lightly, first time I heard that one. No really. I'm not being sarcastic at all. I stopped suddenly, a stray thought. My face dropped.

"Holy shit."

"What is it Jean?"

"What if he wants a kiss?" I asked her in a rushed tone.

"Then you bloody well give him one my dear. Pour some sugar on that boy, lick whipped cream off his abs for all I care. But if he wants a kiss. Don’t hesitate. NO WAIT! Do hesitate, only slightly, don't be too eager and be the first to pull back, no tongue. No one likes tongue on a first date. But do it sweetly. And gently, yet passionate."

I looked at her, leaning backwards. I ran my eyes up and down, giving her a once over.

"You know Hanji, I feel like you know more about this stuff than I do. Can you run this for me?"

"Are you shitting me right now? You want me to do all the hard work so you can get all the frick frack? I don't think so sweetie." 

"But you seem so good at it." I said to her.

"And yet here I sit with my nineteen year old work mate who stormed out of his house after a fight with his father organizing a date….. For you…." She drifted off and looked out the window. She whispered;

"This is the epitome of my existence. Organizing dates for my workmates. Like a modern day cupid." She spun towards me and smiled as I playfully slapped her on the arm. We agreed that it was time for bed after we rehearsed a couple more times and rang Reiner to see if he was still cool to stay Thursday night. He said he was and that was that, we didn't ask him what was up, like, it was clear that there was something going on but we, Hanji and I, wanted to ask him in person and privately. So everything was going okay for now I guess. Anyway, we talked for a bit more, I got some things off my chest, mainly family. Mainly dad. Pretty self explanatory I guess. Then we made fantasies about Marco till 10pm and went to bed. I just crashed on the longue and Hanji threw a blanket over me. It was so warm like wow. Mama Hanji to the rescue. 

Not that I was in any danger. Touch wood. Well, I didn’t sleep well that night. I didn’t have any nightmares or anything. Just a bad night. Strange how these things work, have a night with Hanji and be all relaxed yet still have no sleep. Well almost. I fell asleep for about an hour but it was like a rock. No dreams, no nightmares, I didn’t even feel like I was breathing. I was of course, I'd be dead if I wasn't. Obviously. Well, I won't stall any longer, you probably don't want to hear about how I sleep. Or lack thereof.  
_______________________________________________________________________________

Know what, lemmie pull you aside from this for a while. I really feel like you may be missing some key points here. Or more so I left them out and hoped no one would notice, so let’s recap now. Okay? Okay, good. Now first off. My father, you know how those things are. Well he was the typical run of the mill dad. Or he was. There wasn't any traumatizing thing in his past or mine or anything. I mean, his father, my grandfather was an alcoholic so that may have had an effect on his life. Anyway, he was okay up till around when I was thirteen I think. Apparently work was getting stressful and he was getting stressed because of that and so on so forth. Not to mention the whole homophobia thing. I remember once a gay celebrity came on T.V once, doing a commercial for something or other and then he just let the insults fly. He told me he used to beat up gay people when he was younger, you know in his 20's roughly. The look on his face. I wish I didn’t remember it so clearly. It was sickening to hear and see the joy on his face and the glee in his voice as he vividly described how he 'Cracked another fist into that pansy faggot'. It's shameful that that is my most prominent memory of him. It’s like it ate away at all else.

He took pride in making homosexual people suffer. Not just gays. Anyone who didn't define, no who wasn't straight. Anything else was prime prey. When I discovered I was into guys, I was fucking terrified. If he beat up total strangers, I could only imagine what he would do to his own son. Let’s move on. My mother, bless her, has mixed opinions on the matter. She is willing to accept it because she has some gay friends but if her own son was gay or bi or something other than straight. I don't know how she would react. So I'm sorta scared to tell her but not as much as dad. I hope never to tell dad but I know that's impossible. But back to my mother. Such as she is. I mentioned I had always been closer to my mum right? I suppose that's cliché huh? Homo son who is closer to mum than the angry abusive dad who just happens to be homophobic, man how many times I have seen that. I lost track. 

Okay now let’s move on to work mates. I know I only mention Hanji, Reiner and the boss, but there are more there. I just don't really click with them you know? There's this blonde dude named Mike who is in some band he started with his mates and so I don't see much of him. Actually I can't remember the last time I had a shift with him. I think it was when I started. So a while back. And there is this other chick called, what was her name. I think she went to school with me. I don’t know, she had black hair in a ponytail thing I think. So yea. I don’t see much of her either. Weird. Oh well. It's only a small business so there isn’t much staff needed. As hectic as it can get at times, you know with the super busy times and how Hanji almost told off that old lady. That was pretty funny. So yea, there's that. Oh right. Hanji I met through work, day one and we immediately became friends. That's all there is on that, no funny stories. And Reiner I also met through work, through Hanji actually. She introduced him as 'The tank' and made a joke about him being a bouncer. He went with it and I believed it for a solid week, being terrified of him because he didn’t say anything to me the first week. All I saw was a wall of muscle who was a mute or something.

But after that he let it go and he turned out to be really nice. So now he is 'The teddy bear'. And by let it go I don't mean another 'Frozen' reference, I mean he let the joke go and stopped letting me think he was a grumpy bastard because he only said two words to me.

"Do this"

He had said as he handed me the vacuum cleaner. I seriously thought he had a bone to pick with me. For a solid week as I said before. Moving on. To a certain someone. Most commonly known as Freckles.

Marco.

Mother. Fucking. Marco.

That boy was simultaneously the blessing of my life and the bane of my existence. For starters, he was drop dead gorgeous, a total sweetheart, super nice, really hot, a total dork, really hot, and just an all round nice guy. Did I mention he was really hot? I mean seriously, the boy had abs you could do laundry on. Probably break a tooth kissing those collarbones. God forbid but you get the point. Don’t even get me started on his ass. It was like two fresh coconuts back there. Firm yet soft like a ripe avocado. I'll stop with the fruit jokes now, you probably don't want to hear about Marco's looks anyway. But the point is, as stunning as he was to behold, he had a personality to match.

First of all, he just gave off this vibe that just made you happy and when you saw him you just have the urge to let loose and build a pillow fort. And fuck him in it. More to the point, his personality ranged from total dork, to absolute sweetheart, to a fucking six year old and everything in between. Being with him was incredible, he just gave me this feeling that everything was alright, there was nothing wrong in the world, just the two of you. But as I said, he had a very broad personality and no that isn’t a subtext underlying that he had multiple personalities. He just. It’s incredibly hard to explain because his personality is like that.

I don’t know. I'm terrible at describing people. Looks I'm alright with but anything deeper than that and I am at a loss for words. But you get the point. He was an all round nice guy. But things weren’t always so great. And to tell you once again, no he did not come along and just fix everything with his gay magic wand and fairy dust and suddenly BAM! No more depression, what's this? I can go out and not have to go to the bathroom to escape my crushing social anxiety? Wow what a relief I can finally stop worrying about minor details and having no motivation to do anything at all while I constantly think about killing myself. And holy fucking shit I can go out in public and not worry about DOING SOMTHIG SO SMALL THAT WILL TRIGGER A FUCKING PANIC ATTACK AND MY FAMILY IS NOW GREAT. HOLY. SHIT!

No. It wasn't like that. There were hardships and ups and downs, the highest highs and the lowest lows. And then some more lows. Then rock bottom. Then the center of the earth where I escaped reality to live among the crab people. But seriously I dare say that when Marco came into the picture. The real struggle had only just begun.  
_______________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WabOOM! NEXT CHAPTER DONE. Hope putting the back story in this wasn’t a bad idea, otherwise it would take me forever to write into eh story and I'd have to drop hints and do foreshadowing and honestly, that's not my style. Anyway, next chapter will be up soon and still working on Marco's side. That is not easy because, surprise, I'm not a dancer. I've fooled you all. I am so sorry. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it and the date is soon. Exciting. Gonna be feely. Prepare thyself. Anyway, thanks for everything and talk later.   
> -Drew

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, that is the prologue down. It was actually really hard to write this and such an intense ride with that description. I really hope I got it all right. Anyway, so starts the story. In the next chapter of course. And if I have had any misrepresentations or what not, please let me know and I shall fix it post haste. I really want to make this as accurate as possible and yea. Hope you enjoyed and will enjoy reading this and future chapters. If there is anything i can improve on, especially with description and wrtiting characters, shoot me an ask on tumblr or something. I love writing and would like to make this sad yet enjoyable for everyone :)  
> -Drew


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